Tired of always feeling wrong.
A little less than a year ago my husband and I married. I have known him and his son for going on 4 years now. The first three years were fine, we had minor problems but things i could handle since his son spent most of the time at his moms...(who had custody). He is now 17, 18 in about 9 months. He moved in with us because of a situation of not getting along with his mother.
We found out he was smoking weed and microdosing LSD. He was sent to counseling because of failing all of his classes and skipping majority of the school year. Long story short...we grounded him when he moved in with us and started getting into the same trouble. Little good that did...he still finds his ways to get around grounding and shows up home from school late. We have caught him smoking weed in our house. He has yet to do any school work or even try to make it up, and we have caught him lying numerous times about many diff things.
Every time he gets in trouble he cries and says sorry and that he will fix it and his dad gives in....only to return to the same behavior. I keep suggesting that while we still have a say we make sure he goes to counseling and possibly see if there are any other steps that somebody else can help us with who is more used to dealing with these things. He is 17 so that isn't leaving us with much choice.
Every time I make a suggestion or get upset about it I get it turned around on me, like I'm making his father feel worthless and feel like he has nowhere else to go or anything to do about it.
I CANNOT sit in this house for another 8 months while his son uses it as some boarding place where he can do what he wants when he wants. They sit downstairs for hours and "talk about it" and I am left out of the loop so i never have any idea what is going on.
This is absolutely NOT the way I believe in parenting. I have 2 younger children and I would never allow any of this to go on. Just wondering what I should do. I love my husband but I am so sick of getting walked all over by his son.
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What stands out to me is your
What stands out to me is your last paragraph. You are getting walked all over by his son because your husband is allowing him to do that. If your DH was on the same page as you, or even in the same book, I think you'd have a much more manageable SS problem. I'm sure you do love your DH & I sincerely hope he loves you back, he could show you this by valuing your opinion & listening to your suggestions when it comes to his son, providing you are only trying to give helpful feedback. I'm not sure if the 2x younger children in your household are your bio kids or your children together but either way - your SS sounds like a very bad influence. I hope others have some advice for you because I'm sorry, I don't, it's not my idea of parenting either & that's all I know. I have issues in step life too but for the most part, feel my SO wants to work with me, even if it's sometimes with a bit of a push... Sooo I'm not sure what to suggest in this situation.
Do you share finances?
Do you share finances?
I would completely disengage from SS. Stop making suggestions. Stop trying to correct his behavior.
But, each time he dangerously steps out of line I would take the 2 youngest and go to a hotel, on your DH's dime. Don't say a word, just grab a bag and leave.
When asked make sure it is known that you do not tolerate the behavior and if your DH won't fix it you won't subject your kids to it. Ever.
Make it known he can either fix it within your marriage or he can fix it when he doesn't get any custody time with the 2 youngest (if they are shared children) in court during the divorce.
And while you are at it set ground rules for when kid turns 18. He is either out or he straightens up. At that point he needs to choose, you or the kid.
Sorry, I know it isn't advise but I wouldn't have it. I would refuse to shield my kids in my own home. And I would also have huge issue with being treated the way you are by your DH.
Taking a stand will give you clarity, either bettering your marriage and home or bettering your life when they are gone.