SS spoiled too much?
So, I don't post much here, I haven't been here in a long time. I married my lovely wife who has 5 kids. I have none of my own...instant daddy. There are a total of 3 BFs amonst the kids. The 3 youngest have one and then the other two each have a BF.
The oldests BF is a deadbeat who has been criminally active since, well, forever. He has run to the other side of the country and wants his BS to come with him to help him in his "business"...his BS is 18 but doesn't want to go as he just got out of rehab 6 months ago. That aside...
The next one, his BF makes REALLY GOOD money. SS lived with him for a few years as there were issues between him and his older brother in the house as well as school issues. Now that he's back he's somewhat resentful that he is back. His school is much better now though. For Xmas, with 5 kids, we can't get them LOTS of stuff let alone big-ticket items. Well, his BF sure did...he got a PS4, 10" Tablet, Laptop and has been told he will be getting a Cellphone soon enough.
Of course this makes us look like cheapskates and he has thoughts of going back to his dads (who is now expecting another kid with his wife).
He's pushing boundaries quite a bit these days now and it's frustrating the hell out of me. I'm not sure how to deal with a hormonal teenager...
He sure did trigger me today...enough that I had to post!
This is more of a vent than anything...
The 4th husband of a woman
The 4th husband of a woman with 5 children. What could go wrong?
Thanks for the helpful,
Thanks for the helpful, insightful and factually incorrect response....THIS is why I avoided this place and why I'll likely leave again...
Did I lose count? I should
Did I lose count? I should probably take off my socks and use my toes.
I do remember your first posting about your new family and your new wife telling you to let go of some issue(s) and all the responses from members here gave you the same advise and you disappeared.
Well we're not here to validate your activities so if you don't want to hear our opinions then it is best you stay away as surely few punches are pulled.
Follow this link to get some unbiased advise which I think you will find useful and no its not written by me nor is it sarcastic. It's serious advise which many people have read and put into use to their great satisfaction. It's also a step-parent web site and perhaps you'll find it more to your liking:
http://steptogether.org/disengaging.html
Yep - one bounce and game
Yep - one bounce and game over.
You should demand and expect
You should demand and expect respect from your SS and your wife should enforce this also. However, you have no control over what SS's father buys him and so on. It's really none of your business either - he's not your kid. If he wants to move back to his father's, make it clear to the father and the SS that it is permanent. Once he moves out, he cannot move back in. Period.
I have a SS who is 7. My DH and I have already discussed that if SS ever moves out to live with BM, he's there permanently - he can't move back in with us when BM ticks him off.
This musical homes crap is
This musical homes crap is why I am a proponant of a custody order and kids not jumping between parents from a custodial perspective. Sure, I understand the kids need both parents perspective but flip flop residency is a load of crap.
My SS knew that he could and would never live with his Sperm Idiot until he turned 18. His mom had custody, our home was his home and he would not be moving in the DipShitIdiot’s as a child ..... ever. Period. dot.
If parents could cooperate in raising their children most likely the parents would still be a couple. When the parents are incapable of being a couple one is bound to be the better choice of custodial parent than the other and that parent should have custody. The other parent gets visitation if they are capable of providing for the well being of the children for that time. The kids deal with it.
As far as gifting ..... very few separate parental households have equivalent resources so gifts from one parent should not be an issue from the other parent's perspective. Kids in a household with one common parent and separate other parents are going to have differences in gifts and in financial inputs from their non common parents. This is just something else that each will have to deal with. Not a big deal IMHO.
Don't sweat this too hard. It sounds that overall you, your bride and the 5 skids are working through the multiple fathers challenges. I have one Skid who is an only child in our family. That is hard enough to deal with. I could not imagine 5 Skids, 3 different bio dads and all of the myriad associated drama.
Good luck.