update custody order for my son
I have read your comments and came up with a few things to put in there.
Thank you for all your replies.
No overnight stays for boyfriend/girlfriend when Brandon is there until in a commited relationship for a year or married.
Neither party will introduce the child to their significant other until atleast 4 months after dating.
Neither parent will encourage the child to call the significant other of the party mom/dad or variations of. They will call them ma'am/sir or by their firt names.
I like the no calling of mom or dad or variations of because ex forced his daughter to call me mama integ95. I hated it.
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also added the vision/dental
also added the vision/dental bills be split 50/50 and put in i will have phone contact daily with the child when he is in fathers care.
did you consider the life
did you consider the life insurance issue for dad so you'll have CS if something happens to him?
yeah he does carry life
yeah he does carry life insurance and I am the beneficiary but i will have it written up so that i stay the beneficiary for it.
why don't u read all the
why don't u read all the comments before commenting on stuff!!!!!!!!! I doubt he will have any other kids. He has 6. But whatever.
Yep daily communication
Yep daily communication should be a two way street. What one is allowed the other is as well. Make a set time like 15 min before bedtime so the call length is controlled and its a time your pretty much guaranteed to be home. Up to the parent to call, if the need is not there, they do not have to, if they want to then they can.
yes dad is calling everyday
yes dad is calling everyday and has been since we split. He is taking an active role. I put in it that he gets every other weekend and one night a week as agreed. everything that's in there we agreed would be best for the child. So we aren't trying to control one another im not a control freak BM. But our sons life comes first.
by this i mean not his day to
by this i mean not his day to day life but his actual being alive. To clarify we did the every other weekend and one night a week for visitation. And he gets daily phone calls before 8pm which is bedtime. Also put in there that if we can agree and he wants to take our child to the park or out somewhere we can agree to do that.
well good point. I would
well good point. I would never PAS him. I know what it is like not to have a parent in your life and i don't want my son to go through that. I seen exes daughter at 4 go through this. But i like the idea of the fall back day. My ex is the type that no one would ever control him. He would always choose his kids over any female. As he has done plenty of times in the past. I keep thinking all will be fine but i get it may turn one day. So thanks for the suggestion that's a great one.
Life insurance clause is not
Life insurance clause is not necessary IMHO: So long as Dad has a job that pays into Social Security, the child would receive a survivors benefit until he is 18 if dad becomes disabled or dies (same if that happens to mom, if she is working and contributing).
I have never seen the need for the life insurance policy clause.
it doesn't say i will call
it doesn't say i will call everyday while in dads care. And father gets calls everyday while in my care. In my exs custody order the judge ordered phone calls everyday so that BM could talk to her child everyday. So it doesn't seem out of line to me. It isn't what i want it is what me and my ex agreed to do. We are in agreement to all that i put in it. Its not healthy for a child to get used to someone then BAM they are gone. I don't need 50 different woman trying to take care of my special needs child which is what always happens. As many of us here know. If not cared for properly my son can die. We are giving ourselves a chance to get use to the situation before having other people involved regularly.
Deep breath hon, I don't
Deep breath hon, I don't think anyone is attacking you, just offering their opinions.
lol i know just trying to
lol i know just trying to explain why the stuff if going in there.
i decided to take the no over
i decided to take the no over night stays out for the SO but leave the no introducing the child to the SO until after 4 months of dating. Thanks for all your help. I really appreciate it all. I really am just trying to do whats best for the child at this point so no more harm comes to him and he don't end up in counseling. Thanks again
MY BM put in a clause that my
MY BM put in a clause that my other half had to have a life insurance policy for this girls. She was expecting that she would be the beneficiary. I take pride in the fact that I have had one of the lawyers I work with Change EVERYTHING in regards to that policy. FFIL is now the beneficiary and it is to be set up in a Trust that is not to be touched until the girls are 25, and they have requirements that they have to complete before they get a dime. I am sorry but it is NOT your place to instruct someone to have a policy out on the kids and you get to control it. when you make the choice to divorce you make the choice to give up some of your power tripping control. Are you required to have a policy and have your ex be the beneficiary? My guess is no. Back off on that one. YOU do not have to have control of it.
I dont even want to touch the one phone call a night BS. That is NOT necessary.
I'm sure no one will be
I'm sure no one will be calling one time a night i know i won't until the 2 week visit. But it is put in there just to ensure that the child has regular contact with the NCP. And i did not put in about the life insurance that is up to him. I don't need his money to pay for our child. No one is on a power trip. Or trying to control anyone. As i said before this is all what we agreed to and will be given to the mediator as to what we want to do. I don''t think anything that is in there in unreasonable.
If i wanted to be a control freak i would have wentfor sole legal/physical custody. And tried for supervised visitation due to the special needs of the child.
Okay, when I saw the comment
Okay, when I saw the comment about the policy I about lost it. Our BM was horrible. She had a clause put in about a $250 policy that my other half was required to maintain for the rest of his life. She was thinking that she automatically was the beneficiary to it but lucky I was able to have an attorney I work with read over it and interrupt it and she worked out an amazing plan.
My SDs will be SOL if something heaven for bid happens to my other half. They will have support yes, but they will never get the free ride BM was planing on. They have to complete 4 years of college (with a GPA of 3.0 or higher) and have a full time job. Or they have to have a place of their own, and have been working at a full time job for 5 continuous years. If they complete one of the two tasks by 25 they get the money. However if they fail to compete one of the two tasks by 30 the money will pass to any future children they may have.
Our BM tried to control everything and even tried to enforce a DNR claiming to be his wife when he was in an auto incident in January. If she had her way he would be dead and she would be swimming in money.
yeah i kept up with that
yeah i kept up with that situation u had with your BM. But yeah i wouldn't ask him to pay or do anything he didn't agree to. I am more than able to care of him but every BM is entitled(i hate using this word) to child support and that is all i am asking is for basic child support and to help pay for extra curricular activities/equipment. Of course medical and all that. As i said before in my first post about this i have an account set up for college and what extra child support i have left every month plus what i usually put in it will go to that bank account.
I know a lot of people have
I know a lot of people have had bad experiences with this but most of what is in the court order is just visitation schedule, what to do when different situations arise with his medical condition, who's paying for what and daily phone calls. The only other things is the 4 months to meet the SO. The no calling anyone else mom/dad (i know he will do that and at 2 it will confuse the child). At 4 exSD was still confused on who her real mother was. Then the standard any change of job/address/phone number the other party needs to be notified.