You can't refuse to drop him off, but what you can do, is call the cops, explain the situation, and that because you're "just" the stepmom, and legally have no rights, you HAD to drop him off, but feel he isn't in a safe environment and ask that the police check on him. You can do all of this sitting in your car outside her house) and tell the police that's where you are. Just tell them you'd rather err on the side of caution than put your stepkid in a horrible situation and let them know that all you want them to do is go evaluate the situation. Then call your DH and let him know what's going on.

That's what *I* would do.

Stepup

as a fellow partaker, and stepmom, i agree this is uncalled for. i enjoy certain freedoms in the privacy of my own home, when i am by myself or other ADULT friends, but with a child? having my house reek of 'skunk'? no way! i would have called the cops too. that is irresponsible and stupid, and she needs to know that that behavior will not be tolerated. what is she telling her son? that mommy smokes something stinky? so when he gets older he knows? i mean, kids aren't dumb! good luck on this and 'pot not being a big deal' and smoking immediately prior to spending time with your kid, are two totally different issues here. bust her ass!

Am I old school or what? Last time I checked, pot was still an illegal drug!!! I mean I enjoyed it's benefits many moons ago, but I grew up. I would have ABSOLUTELY REFUSED to drop the kids off. Step parent or not, you have the responsibility as an ADULT to not place a child in that situation. I mean, if you were dropping the kids off at school and the teacher's eyes were all blood shot and the classroom reaked of pot, would you leave the kids or would you contact the authorities? I am a Girl Scout Leader and during one training, this was a topic that came up. If I go to drop a child off after an event and find something of this magnitude, I am required to take that child and report to the authorities. Your rights as a step parent have nothing to do with leaving a child in a house that has drug activity. If she is doing it in the garage, that means there is still illegal activities happening in her house. That is putting the kids at risk. Have you ever experienced the results of a child who loses their mom to drugs, either from prison or death??? I have. My SD lost her mom to prison and it has town her life apart. What is worse is what she went through during her time with her mom while her mom was using in front of her. The people she is associating with may be bringing harder drugs into the home. And this means that everyone's judgement is altered and I only hope that nothing serious ever happens to those kids while in her care because she won't be able to react quick enough. Or what if BM pisses the wrong person off and gets reported for drug use. Then the kids get to witness mommy being arrested. Oh, trust me that leaves wounds that are very hard to heal. I am shocked that this isn't causing more of a fight from you and DH. I would be encouraging DH to go for sole custody.

De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
I was one of the women that told you that many people smoke pot today and dont let that effect their jobs or homelives as they use it in moderation and only when they KNOW that the children are not around. I also told you that this bm is endangering herself and her child/children as she is allowing other drug users into her home and there is no telling what they are bringing into her homeor weather the actual distribution is happening in her home. I have never posted what I do for a living on this site as I have felt nothing I have really read warrented this information, but now I do. Daddysgurl, I am a certified Police Officer(3 years), former Deputy Sheriff( 5 years) and former Georgia State Certified Paramedic and National Registry Paramedic( 8 years). You should have immediatly called the local Police and stated the fact as you knew it to be, that you were to drop off your ss to his biological mother and upon arriving found her to be under the influence of what appeared to be marijuana, that she had others in her home that appeared to be under the influence as well of the same narcotic, and that you felt unsafe allowing your ss to be left in her care with what you had witnessed and would appreciate an Officer coming to the home to insure that the child would be in no danger. Believe me, this is an area where you would have had an immediate response. Upon arrival an officer would have approached you and discussed with you what had given you the impression that bm and others were under the influence of an illegal substance...then he/she would have approached the home, requested the mother step outside and spoken to her. If the officer had just cause to believe what you had told them was a possible fact, he/she would have requested that the bm allow them into the home to just look around.Had bm refused this request, depending on what the officer had found during interview, he/she could have placed bm under arrest, called superior officer and backup, requesting the right to search bm and home under "just cause". If the officer found nothing to warrent further investigation, he could have left bm with at the very least a warning and you some peace of mind. It is NOT unreasonable to contact us when you believe your ss to be in any kind of danger and no officer in her /her right mind would be less then understanding in your concern...we have SEEN MUCH WORSE than you are currently worried about, however,WE ALSO KNOW that sometimes what starts out as a viable concern CAN AND OFTER DOES become something much worse if something or someone does not care enough to call on us before the situation ever gets to that point. At the very least, your concerns would be documented in a report, that you have legal rights to obtain a copy of for further use in court or in case the legal authorities have to be called out agian.

De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
You DO have the right to refusal in dropping ss off if you feel he is in danger, but make sure you utilize the police to document this.

De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
However marijuana use and distribution is ILLEGAL! As for the amount in the home, depending on the bag size,the police could find that the amount is enough or over and beyond the amount to consider it distribution and that in itself can lead to up to a 5 year jail sentence with probation to follow. Again, on a personel note and opinion, the average pot smoker is not a dangerous person, many indeed are good, hardworking people who choose to use marijuana recreationally, however, in doing my job and upholding the law, these same people have indeed been arrested by me.What needs to be considered by you and dh in this situation is weather bm is doing any buying or selling in her home, allowing another to buy/sell in her home and what kind of people she is partaking with and allowing around ss before, during or after the partaking of the drug. If I am correct, this bm is the one who had a myspace and bragged about her pot usage on her page?...I had told you once before that she is endangering herself and her child by being so open and flaggerant about her usage as this can and eventually will attract her unwanted attention by the wrong people(as I sure her bragging does not begin nor end on the myspace web site).Should the police recieve information of drug use and/or distribution in her home and subsequently find through search this fact to be true, her mother, brother, and herself will be arrested and the home and cars in and on that property will be seized and become goverment property to be auctioned..the ss,if home during such a raid/discovery, will be temporarily placed in the custody of the Department of family and children services until dh can come forward to show legal responsibility to ss and at that time a judge will order ss to released into dh care/custody.

De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
That in itself is the best you can do right now. To call the police annonymously or not at this point can do you a dissearvice. If they were to arrive and speak with bm and she is not under the influence, then there is no just cause to seek enterance into her home. At this point you would be giving her a heads up and she would at the very least try to hide her usage from you and dh, as you and dh will be the very first to come to mind for her. The usage will not stop, just become more of a game for her.Yes, I unfortunatly agree you missed an ideal opprotunity to get the authorities involved, however, someone like the bm WILL provide you other such opprotunities in the future. I am not sure how you will get around the annonymous issue in reporting her, but believe me, there is more weight held in an accusation when the accuser is willing to make themselves known, especially when concerning the saftey of a child. You and dh have to decide if your FRIENDLY relationship with bm is more important than the saftey of your ss. Further, I do believe the position you and dh are in is a very difficult one as dh does not want to take ss away from bm..is this because overall she is a good mother to him, or is it because ss is very attached to mother? The bottom line is this, if she is a good mother, she would not EVER place her child in a position of endangerment, and if ss is attached to his mother, would it not be better for ss to have a mother who places her priorities in her son, not her friends, or her next high? This is not something you or dh have done to the bm, this is a daily choice she is making.Further, dh previous use has absolutly nothing to do with what the bm is continuing to do. I do ,however, commend dh for discontinuing his participation in this as agian, it is illegal. Your best bet is to keep watch of bm during future drop offs of ss and should she unfortunatly be high agian,have the reeking smell of marijuana in her home, then place ss back in your vehicle and call the police. Sorry, but sometimes doing the right thing means placing yourself out there to become disliked and look at it this way, you would be doing bm a service as well, getting her to grow up, face what she has been doing to her ss, and taking responsibility for her actions....just my opinion.

De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
You can find me at s.graham39@yahoo.com.If you need a little more privacy, if not I am always here for you lady. Hugs!

I am so glad that you decided to open up about all of that. I was totally dumbfounded at the "lightness" of the use of pot... Thanks for informing everyone here!!! And DaddysGurl, I hope this helps you and DH to consider what that BM is really doing to that child. DH is right, SS needs his mom, but he also needs a safe environment. Good Luck to you. Just so you know, I am a step mom that has been dealing with a drug addict mom for two years. If you want details of what we have been through let me know. It is ugly and SD is an emotional basketcase because of it. We have custody now, and cotinue to fight. Send me a private message if needed. Good luck to you guys!!