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Your stance on underage drinking?

TickedOff's picture

SD18 stumbles in the house last night at 1am which is 30 minutes past curfew drunk .A friend dropped her off. I had to point out to DH that she was drunk when it was so obviously apparent. He smelled her breath and it reeked of alcohol. She won't admit to who gave it to her. She was trying to play it off that she was just tired and that's the reason her eyes where blood shot and she couldn't walk straight. And her mouth smelled like booze because she was making out with her 21 year old BF and he had been drinking but she had not.

DH was buying that ridiculousness :jawdrop: until she almost fell halfway down the stairs. I'm pretty sure I smelled weed on her clothes. After DH put her to bed we talked about our stance on underage drinking. He thinks as long as you’re 18 and you only drink when your parents are around its ok and in other countries the legal age to drink is 18 and America just hasn't caught up yet. My stance is yes that's his daughter his problem but it’s my house and what happens when DD6 turns 18 is he going to condone her drinking too? And what about SD15 is he going to condone her drinking when she is the mother of a 3 year old as long as he is around? He left the discussion " I'm too tired to argue no underage drinking ok whatever you say honey its bad I agree". I stayed up all night checking on SD18 and trying to figure out how to unhinge her door. DH grounded her this morning indefinitely she may go to school and home and that's it unless she would like to go live elsewhere.

What is your stance on this? BTW I just want to know your views I’m not asking you to bash mines or tell me how to handle my household .

Comments

TinyDancer's picture

In my home, no. It's not okay. They're going to do what their little half formed brains tell them is good, so it's up to the adults to set the expectations and ground rules.

You're stoned or drunk, do not walk (stumble) into the house. Aside from the punishment that will come, I like to turn on the lights to high and have long talks that will screw with them. But, I'm a bitch like that.

We're dealing with #2 doing that... so far, she's been busted every time and every time I am the biggest buzzkill on the planet.
I'm only doing what my parents did to me. And it worked.
My roof. I pay the bills, I make the rules. Don't like it, move out.

Sometimes, it has to be like that.

Jsmom's picture

No bashing here...Your household, your rules. Just my opinion. They are going to drink, nothing you can do about it. It is how you handle it that makes you a good parent. Our rules are no going out on school nights, this helps a lot. At 18 they have to be enrolled in college and grades have to be a 3.0 minimum.

If they call to come get them, no questions asked, but we reserve the right to discuss it later. Be safe and be aware of your surroundings. No driving. You need to have the conversations all the time about this. You want your voice to be in your head when they do it and that can only happen if you continue to have conversations with them. My parents were in my head and still are at 46. One evening can change the entire direction of your life and is it worth it to you? My mom also said something to me every single time I left the house and I use it on my son. If you are doing something that you can not tell your mom, you shouldn't be doing it. That has helped me to this day and the way I react to people. Would I be embarrassed to tell my mom how I reacted?

I managed to get my son to a top notch university on a full scholarship for academics, he never drank in HS. Now he is starting to discover frat parties and he is telling me everything. My reaction is to be safe and smart from having someone in the group not drink to leave your wallet home and just take your ID and some small amounts of cash and to constantly be aware of your surroundings. I have even told him to take an aspirin before going to sleep. It is going to happen, I just have to be sure he has the resources to survive the next few years until this is no longer "fun".

Hope this helps. My main suggestion is to start talking and give up on punishing, she is 18 and it is going to happen....Just make sure your husband and you are the voice of reason in her head, when someone encourages her to party....

TickedOff's picture

I love all of this. My mom use to say the same thing if I wouldn't do it infront of her face I probably shouldn't be doing it and that is still stuck in my head as well. I'm sorry but she will be punished in my house lying to my face and coming in past curfew is not ok.

Jsmom's picture

I do agree she needs to be punished for coming in past curfew, that is a broken household rule. But, do you really expect her to tell you the truth about the drinking, if that is not the relationship that you have with her? She lied because she was never encouraged to be honest and it is easier to lie than to deal with your parents.

GizmoBarnOwl's picture

hmm funny enough i put a post on about kids and alcohol on today too! But I also live in the UK and 18 is the legal age here. I deffo took advantage of that when i was 18! But the fact is i never did anything illegal.. Maybe tell her that if she comes to your home in that state again she will be spending the night in a jail cell... might make her think twice next time, especially if she was feeling like hell the next day! - Your house, Your rules.

Tuff Noogies's picture

i'd print out your states code section on underage consumption just for her.

maybe if u know a cop have him explain it to her, as he's flipping the handcuffs....

}:)

hismineandours's picture

I've got a 16, 14, and 11 year old. I know my 16 year old dd has "tried" alcohol. She told me she has taken a few sips here and there but denies intoxication. I have no idea whether she's being truthful, but have no reason to disbelieve her. I have typically told her I WILL find out if you are drinking and YOU will be punished for not just the drinking but trying to hide it from me ( I work closely with the court in our county, and work with all the kids that are referred into our agency for underage drinking-we are a small county)-I will eventually hear if she is out drinking. I have also told her she will put my job in jeopardy if she is caught drinking. Technically, a lie, but, hey if it deters her its good. It would not look great if the substance abuse therapist's kid is caught drinking underage.

I tried alcohol at 15. I was drinking fairly regularly by 17. We live in a rural area. Almost everyone drank. my kids are growing up in that same environment. I know how it is.

With your situation-here's the issue for me. first off, how dare she go out and get drunk and then get you and your dh up in the middle of the night. Secondly, how dare she try and lie about it once confronted. Third, shame on her for breaking curfew. And finally, shame on her for being so intoxicated that she is stumbling around-this right here shows she is not capable of making good decisions where alcohol is concerned-or she wouldn't have drank so much she was stumbling around. Yes, I would give her some sort of consequences. I would make sure that she knows all the things that come into play rather than you are just punishing her for "drinking".

Drac0's picture

True story.

I came home drunk one night (I was underage) and I ended up praising the porcelain-god. I don't remember much of my evening but suffice to say I didn't take great measures to keep my 3am return quiet. My mother was awoken to the sound that she described as "someone sandblasting in the bathroom". She confronted me, demanding to know why I had returned home so late and in such an inebriated state. She said that I started blithering something about some "beer drinking game rules" and that I had - evidently - lost. My explanation didn't do wonders to alleviate my mother's concerns. Seeing her son making a mess all over himself and the toilet that she had just cleaned that day just set her off into a rage. She screamed at me. "YOU ARE GOING TO CLEAN THIS MESS UP!". She then slamed the door and proceeded back to bed mutttering about the ridiculousness of this situation.

"We have to do somthing about Drac0!" She stated to my Dad.

Dad leaned over and said "Oh? Is Drac0 home?"

LuckyGirl's picture

Never mind the alcohol (all kids will try it and most will be stupid with alcohol at least once), what was she doing out that late on a school night? We used to roll in REALLY late (5-6 am sometimes) at the weekend but never if we had school. And if you rolled in at that time and had to work a weekend job, then tough - you went to work on no sleep and lived with the consequences of your actions! After a while even the dumbest teenager got the idea Smile