Yes I do,I no longer give a shit. My H is still trying to force it, I just stand back and watch him waste his time and make an ass of himself. In my case, nobody likes SD. She has never ever had a friend. Her own first cousin only sees her around the holidays, and the girls are only a year apart. Her aunt, my H sister,will never ever take her. SD has asked to come over, sleep over. Her own sister, 23 used to take her 1-2 times a year. It's beem at least 2 years, maybe more. Even she won't take her. BM pawns her off on her grandma a lot. Even my H often pawns her off, although he would never admit it, it's his back "hurts" he's not feeling "good" his stomach is " acting up again". Maybe BM likes her, I guess, she spends 4-5 days a week with her,but she conveniently got a job that requires frequent traveling, maybe one week every 1-2 months.how convenient.

I tried, for seven years I tried. I had to stop taking her out on my own when she was about 6-7. I used to take her, just her and I, my H thought it would be good. She pulled the fire alarm, at a crowded mscdonalds play room. At a crowded McDonald's in general, on a Saturday afternoon. It was panic and chaos. I knew she did it, as did a very small handful of people who saw her do it. Some one could have got hurt, in all the chaos. No one did. Even my delusional H could not even dare suggest any more one on one outings after that incident. While she was at McDonald's, getting taken for a meal and playroom, my kids who were about 5-6 were sitting around at home, wishing they could be at McDonalds playroom. ( that day was an eye opener in so many ways) that was one of the rare days H didn't blame me for SD behavior. He also said nothing to her. Not one word about it. No consequences. Nothing.

Edited to add, the worst of all at that McDonald's fire alarm incident, I was so embarrassed about what she had done, I wanted to get SD out of there fast.(I know my first thought should have been finding an employee to let them know it was a false alarm). Anyways SD starts saying very loudly, that she doesn't want to leave, she wants to stay and play. I keep saying no we have to go. She keeps demanding to stay. With chaos and people all around us running out. So an employee comes up to us, where I confess it was SD who pulled the alarm. The employee of course asks us to leave. And SD still says she's not leaving, she wants to stay an play. Now the manager comes over and asks us to leave. And SD still is saying she wants to stay. At 6-7 years old she had enough nerve to pull an alarm, and defy 3 adults who asked her to leave. I was so mortified. Finally, miraculously, she left. Then when we get home, the first thing she tells H is that I was mean and made her leave before she was ready to. I told him (McDonald's 1-2 minute drive from our house) go to mcdonalds now and see for yourself, the fire truck is out there because of your daughter. I briefly told him the story. He said nothing. He said come on I'm taking you to your grandmas. That's it.

Yeah, I see what people are saying. Honestly, this should have made me run from H. When she was 4, she had to be picked up from daycare 1-2 a week. For hitting other kids. The teachers said she was the instigator. I talked to my H one day, after several months of this. I said the teachers say SD is the one hitting first, why would they lie, this is their job, what would their motivation be to lie in this situation? He said I don't know, but my daughter doesn't lie. Should have ran.

Then she goes to kindergarten. At the end of the school year, there's a horrible 10 page assessment. About SD. This thing took half hour to read,and all full of bad news. It was recommended that she go into a special Ed classroom for first, due to behavior issues, not academic. This report was absolutely horrible, basically the teacher said SD was acting out aggressively towards others several times an hour to several times a day. Destroying her own property or others property several times an hour to several times a day(like a pencil, or tearing a sheet of paper, or more). Getting out of her seat several times an hour. Refusing to do any work unless sitting on the teachers lap. So, ...........surprise surprise , BM and H said the teacher wrote all this because the she and the school were " snooty". So BM moved 50 miles away to another school district, and told them SD had never been in K at all. Again, that report should have been my clue to run. RUN. I was deluded too, thinking somehow if I kept showing her attention and affection, it would help. (She's 12 now).

Thanks Ripley. It still helps today that you said that, that it must come from the parents. I struggled with this for years. I always had the feeling that I was doing so much for SD and it wasn't even making a dent in her problems.

I gave up talking to H about SD.. The very last incident is on my blog here. Called Luchay similar situation. Basically, H will defend SD no matter how bad her behavior, or how bad he has to hurt me.....publicly humiliating on facebook. The very first incident that stuck out in my mind of knowing something wasn't right. SD was 4. I was folding laundry, she wanted to "help" by unfolding and throwing it everywhere. I nicely a few times asked her not to, tried to show her the right way. I told H, just nicely, calmly, neutral. Can you ask SD not to unfold the laundry? I wasn't even angry, just mildly annoyed. I still liked her at this point, thought she was cute. H immediately blew up, started screaming, " I don't have to put up with this shit. You just hate my daughter, she's only trying to help" he picks up SD as fast as he can,doesn't even bother to put shoes or jacket on her, or gather any of her belongings. Takes her to the car and drives away, all the while screaming how his daughter isn't going to be in an environment where she's hated. At that point, I was genuinely confused and very hurt by this. He later apologized, but it wasn't a true apology. He said he over reacted, but that I had to be more understanding of SD because of all she had been through.

And every time in between. He gets defensive at best or has a screaming explosion at worst about SD.

That's why I had to not allow visitation in the home. All those things you mentioned, respect etc. Plus it wasn't safe anymore. At the end of visitation, it deteriorated to SD then 11 following me around glaring at me, giving me dirty looks. H locking himself in bathroom for an hour at a time to avoid his own daughter. She is about as needy and clingy as about a 12 month old infant to H. My son was less needy at 18 months old than SD is at 12 years old. My kids locking themselves in their rooms to avoid her. The brief times they came out she would corner them and say horrible things. Then we would all be cool but cordial to SD, and there H ever ready with his constant you hate my daughter accusations. And SD with her sweet little baby voice , daddy why don't they like me? I just want them to like me. And H she just wants to be friends, you're all mean.

Even if not for the safety issue, there's no poin