9-YO SD Driving Me Crazy
I feel so bad because I love my 9 year old SD but I am getting so DONE. She lives with us full time. She is over affectionate, acts like a baby, requires massive amounts of attention, has rage attacks where she’s almost hurt my 2 year old, and then her dad walks in or her BM calls/has a visit and she acts like this little baby who could do no wrong. I can’t stand the baby talk and the inability to do anything for her and the downright lack of common sense. I can’t handle her wanting to cuddle and thinking things should be the exact same for her and our 2 year old and nobody else making her GROW THE HECK UP! I handle all the parenting responsibilities yet am always in trouble for not giving her enough affection or being nicer to her. I am nice. I do hug her and tell her I love her daily. But she’s a foot shorter than me, cuddling is weird and I can’t stomach baby talk. And if she does something stupid or careless like wrecking an iPad or gaming system - she should be in trouble. Ugh. Need support.
Maybe I am going to come off
Maybe I am going to come off as evil to some... but how can you even love a child that behaves like that? My formerSS was rotten and I couldn't stand him. It got to the point the mere sight or sound of his voice made me cringe.
I also was just expected to "love skid like my own". It was also thought I should cater to his every need - he was 13 when I left; should have been able to do most things for himself... but was catered to like a 5 year old (that got adult privileges).
His behavior was horrible and even cruel, until dad or grandmother was around...then he was super sweet big brother #1. It was so difficult to deal with!
I completely understand what you are feeling!
Wait, why are you doing all
Wait, why are you doing all the parenting? She has two living parents, and yet you are stuck dealing with this. That's the problem - you don't love her like your own because few stepparents do love their skids like their own. She's being neglected by her biological parents, and left to be raised by her stepmother. No wonder she's needy and clingy.
Step one is to tell your husband to step up and provide his daughter with the love and support she's craving, as well as start parenting her, as it's not your job in the slightest.
Men like this make me sick to my stomach - dumping all the parenting on their wives and then criticizing how they do it. I wouldn't take much of that crap.
^ ^ ^ All of this.
^ ^ ^ All of this.
Why are these responsibilities falling to you?
Where are the parents of this child?
It is a good thing if you can love your stepkid.
Most people are only able to tolerate their skids.
I don't see anything tolerable here, sounds frustrating and annoying - and it is all down to your partner.
Kid is only the symptom.
Bio-parents are the problem.
Thanks
I love this advice and honesty. But DH thinks because I married him and have other kids with him, that I am the mother to all and the parenting is my job to both kids. He actually said he was not impressed by me today because after I gave my SD heck yesterday for doing something bad, she cried to him and said I don’t love her as much as my bio son and convinced him to stay in her room for 45 minutes while he made her feel better. He told me I need to give her MORE affection.
Well, that's nice that he
Well, that's nice that he thinks that, you have a right to your opinions too, and if you don't want to be her parent, then you have to let him know that.
Please make sure to stand over him when he's doing something and let him know you aren't impressed with how he's handling it. I'm feeling angry for you - I'd give DH hell if he ever dared to criticize anything I did in that manner.
I think you need to be less passive and start standing up for yourself.
Whole lot of nope in this
Whole lot of nope in this post.
You will likely never feel the same for skid as you do your own child. There is little your husband says that will change the way biology works and he will likely make matters worse.
So you "got in trouble" for disaplining skid? So...you are supposed to care for her "like your own"---except for disapline? She should just get away with bad behavior? Yeah...that wouldn't work for me either.
You are going to have to try to have a very frank discussion with your husband and try to get him to understand you should not have responsibility without authority.
If he keeps on trying to push his unrealistic expectations, I believe your marriage is doomed.
If my husband, or anyone for
If my husband, or anyone for that matter, said to me that they were 'not impressed' it would be a sure fire way to get throat punched!
His child his problem. He should be thankful that you're parenting her. If he doesn't like it he can do it himself. That would be my final answer right before I walked out and left him to it.
Your DH has to parent and
Make arrangements for his SD care in the daytime. You are not yeh babysitter