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Really wish DH would drop the family thing

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Submitted by Hastings on Wed, 07/17/2024 - 10:40am

SS13's lack of relationship with my family continues to bother DH. SS didn't want to go to the last family birthday dinner and pretty much told DH he doesn't want to go to stuff going forward.

I don't see this as a huge deal. He's 13. The other kids are all girls (except my 19-year-old nephew). He doesn't know anyone all that well. Kids that age don't necessarily love spending time with aunts, uncles and cousins they are close to, let alone the bio family of the stepmother they only tolerate.

Who can’t handle what?

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Submitted by Hastings on Fri, 06/21/2024 - 11:24am

The other day, I was thinking about something DH said to me several years ago:

"I don't think you're able to handle being a stepmother -- being married to someone with a child that isn't yours."

That was in the days when he was more hung up on the happy family vision -- one he finally dropped.

For some reason, it popped back into my head. The truth is for me (and probably many of you), it's not that I can't handle being a step. It's that DH couldn't handle being married to someone who isn't his child's mother.

SS and family problems

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Submitted by Hastings on Sat, 06/08/2024 - 8:44pm

SS13 isn't close to my family. Several factors are involved:

1 The only other boy is 19. All the kids close to his age are girls. He goes to a different school. The girls are all close to each other, but he's sort of odd man out, due in part to his being a boy.

2 He hasn't spent a lot of time with them. They go to the beach together every summer, but we've only gone twice. We like to do other traveling and we don't always have the time off.

3 He's shy. My family are mostly introverts. DH and I are introverts.

Baseball — kids these days

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Submitted by Hastings on Tue, 05/28/2024 - 4:09pm

SS13 is with BM this week and DH got a text from her saying SS fell and hurt his knee ice skating today, so won't be at his baseball game tonight.

DH was annoyed because for years now, coaches have been consistent in telling parents "don't take the kids swimming or for big physical activities on game days." Also, SS has never been ice skating. Of course he was going to fall.

No, you don’t have to go to school

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Submitted by Hastings on Tue, 05/21/2024 - 9:12pm

So, this is the last week of school and SS13 is with us. This evening, he announced to DH, "My mom said I don't have to go to school Friday."

Again, it's DH's week. So nice of her to make that unilateral decision.

DH's company doesn't work Fridays, so he was annoyed, but just shrugged it off. He said, "if I say no, I'm the bad guy. And BM will just offer to get him for the day."

I swear, her presumption and overstepping is getting worse.

Another kid week — joy

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Submitted by Hastings on Mon, 05/20/2024 - 10:28am

SS13 came back to our house yesterday and, as usual, was sullen. DH went down a list of missing assignments to make sure he had done them (the app doesn't always accurately show if something has been turned in). Of course, this greatly annoyed SS. Sorry, kid. But the number of times you've fallen behind in classes and lied about work, you're going to get asked.

Feelings, worries, etc.

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Submitted by Hastings on Tue, 05/14/2024 - 9:55am

Normally, I feel better after a therapy session, but after yesterday, I don't. I feel more anxious and uncertain. My T and I talked about the issues lately with SS13. She hasn't met SS, but she does have a background working with kids in that age group. She's always really good about not putting labels on things, not directing me one way or another, just giving insight, guidance and helping me work through things to come to my own decisions and conclusions. But yesterday, I chronicled the issues and my feelings.

She said:

Well, the $&!@ hit the fan

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Submitted by Hastings on Tue, 05/07/2024 - 9:50pm

Tonight, SS13 had a ballgame. (Given what's been going on, I would have said no baseball, but DH is big on responsibility and commitment and insists that he go regardless. Whatever.) I wad to meet them there. As they pull into the park, SS (who had been surprisingly cheerful and chatty) said "we passed X restaurant. That's where I'm eating with BM and her parents tonight. They're coming to the game."

DH is like "say what?!"

SS told him it was on a text string that day (DH lets him have his phone for school).

DH was dumbfounded and SS trotted off.

Another week, another gem from SS

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Submitted by Hastings on Mon, 05/06/2024 - 8:25pm

SS13 is back after a week at BM's. Last time he was here, after lying to DH about electronics, sneaking food into his room and spitting on the floor, DH told him that this week, he would not be allowed to go to the gym with BM. (The last few months, on non-baseball nights, he's ridden the school bus to BM's and gone to the gym with her. She drops him off in time for dinner. He loves going. No blue why, but we suspect he's getting fun, fancy snacks and sees friends.) SS was very upset about it and DH thought, "ah! Finally found something that might actually make an impact!"

Annnd again — what a week

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Submitted by Hastings on Sat, 04/27/2024 - 2:21pm

Last night, DH decided to stop off on the way to SS13's baseball game and let him pick out a sports drink for the game and some candy for after. (Given SS's recent attitude and behavior, I wouldn't have done that, but whatever, he's trying to connect.) The game was stormed out. They came home. SS consumed some of both, then DH told him to put both away before going to bed.

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