Is this normal?
I am new to this site. Is it normal that I am cringing at the fact that my DH's kids are going to now be spending a few extra weekends with us because BM's has plans? Honestly wondering if I am a bad person for wanting to find other things to do on my own when they are going to be with at our house. He has 2 girls, 10 & 12. Does anyone else feel this way???
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totally normal! lots of us
totally normal! lots of us feel this way at one time or another. and plenty feel it all the time.
go and find something else to do. let the skids have their dad all to themselves. it's kinda nice for them sometimes, and you go do something you enjoy! win win
I agree, but last time I did
I agree, but last time I did that, my DH seemed disappointed and wanted me to join them in their activities. I think because we are trying to create this new bond/blended family. And he is always present when my kids are with me. However his relationship with my kids is much different than mine with his. I don't want to upset him, but if I were to do what I wanted to do, I would go!
traditionally it take 5 years
traditionally it take 5 years to truly harmonize as a step-family. and often it takes even longer. i don't know how long you have been married/together, but my dh wanted us to be like a first family. which we aren't. it took a lot of talking for him to get it. we also read "the smart remarriage" by ron deal. that helped him see my point of view.
honestly, it is good for him and his kids to spend one on one time together. it may even help your relationship with them.
what i've learned is that you can't rush relationships. you can't rush this process and it's different from the first family.
it can be enjoyable, but only if you accept it for what it is and honor and respect where each person is in the relationship process.
my $.02
Well let your DH be
Well let your DH be disappointed then. Besides if he isn't then you are. Its not like your leaving him alone during the time the Skids are there. Its ok to say "I'm doing this for me".
I hear ya! He just wants
I hear ya! He just wants things to be smooth and wants more than anything for his kids and I to get along and have an great relationship so I feel guilty leaving and doing things. But honestly I would rather go stay with someone when his kids are at our house! I hate to say it but it's true.
Funny thing is, I get along
Funny thing is, I get along relatively well with my SD7, although we will always have our ups and downs depending on how venomous her BM is between visits, and how much of a doormat my DH is when we have her, but I still cringe a bit when I know she is coming. It isn't her so much as it is my husbands personality change he goes through when his darling first born is present, but yeah I cringe. I also get really sad when I know I won't see her for a long time.
You are normal, but I think I might be a little whacked!
Very normal. Don't beat
Very normal. Don't beat yourself up because you feel that way. It is perfectly fine for your DH to do things alone with the his girls and it's ok for you not to participate in every moment they are there. Maybe you could do one or two things, whatever you are comfortable with. Stay strong.
Perfectly normal. I get
Perfectly normal.
I get anxiety leading up to the scheduled visits, so the ones he just springs on me and the constant changes drive me insane, I HATE it.
To the point where I have had to put in place some "boundaries" regarding how many times in a month he can just change things or add extra time without talking to me.
He has (surprisingly) agreed to this - but then - I got him when he was feeling guilty over letting me down to do something for the skids instead so he was more agreeable LOL
I think you need to explain to your OH that you want some time just with your kids, and for him to have some time just with his kids, and that you will all still spend a lot of time together but that this is just something you feel you need to do.