Fathers Day - Very Angry
I want to give a little background before I go into what happened on Fathers day.
My bf and I have been together for 2 and half years. He has been seperated from his wife for three years, and have been divorced for two. His ex is very bitter over the fact that he left her, and has alienated the children from him (they have 3 children together, daughters 16 and 14, and son12). The two girls no longer speak to my boyfriend at all. He had a very close relationship with his son, but lately even that has been strained by all of the pressure that is put on him by his mother and two sisters.
So, yesterday was fathers day. The BM planned a family vacation leaving on fathers day. Well, this really violates the custody agreement because my bf is supposed to have his son on fathers day. Also, this past weekend was his weekend. My bf had talked to his son on thursday, telling him this weekend was fathers day and his weekend and how much he was looking forward to it. Well, friday comes around and my bf does not hear from his son. He tries calling him and can not reach him. Saturday comes, still no word from his son. Finally, his son calls him around 8. My bf says to him, you know this was my weekend and tomorrow is fathers day. Son says he forgot and he was sorry, but my bf can come pick him up right now and take him out for ice cream. Are you kidding me? What a spoiled rotten brat! Why in the world would my bf take him out for ice cream with he didnt even acknowledge fathers day.
And of course, no text or phone call from the son yesterday saying happy fathers day to my bf. It was so sad, my bf kept looking at his phone to check for calls/texts and kept asking, did anyone call me? It just broke my heart.
Now, I don't know how I should act around this kid. To be honest, I don't really want to be around him at all. In two weekends, we have three tickets to a concert that I have been wanting to go to for years, and this falls on a weekend when bf will have his son. We have three tickets because we had planned to take Son with us, but now, I don't want him to go. I feel like why should he be rewarded for being an ungrateful, unappreciative brat. I am so mad about this. I don't even know what to do or what to think.
- Frenchie01's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
SMofknowitall-Actually, I
SMofknowitall-Actually, I sent his son a text on thursday reminding him that it was fathers day weekend and asking him what he would like to get his dad so I could pick it up for him. He ignored me completely.
Also, no one had to remind him last month when it was mothers day. He totally blew off my bf to spend the entire weekend with his mother since it was mothers day.
Exactly, AND...this is not an
Exactly, AND...this is not an intact family. You know that part of most divorce/custody agreements where it says the custodial parent is to foster and encourage a relationship with the other parent? I am pretty sure it wasn't YOUR name in the blank-that would be BM's responsibility. Just because she sucks and doesn't think Father's Day is important doesn't make it your job to take care of it. I think she ought to be able to remember that she DID have a kid, and he DOES have a dad, since the proof is right in FRONT OF HER.
Don't take responsibility or blame for this-it's not yours to assume.
>>I think she ought to be
>>I think she ought to be able to remember that she DID have a kid, and he DOES have a dad, since the proof is right in FRONT OF HER.<<
Yes. It's really very simple, isn't it? No need for all the behind-the-scenes stuff.
Right-DH's kids didn't call
Right-DH's kids didn't call him yesterday-and I wasn't reminding them. I am pretty sure they know that someone contributed sperm to their asshole selves being on this earth.
"My bf and I have been
"My bf and I have been together for 2 and half years. He has been seperated from his wife for three years, and have been divorced for two"
As I've frequently say on this board and get booed by the crowd that has done what you have or similar. BE forewarned, even if it's crappy on bm's part to act this way...that is one of the consequences/inevitable fallouts of early involvement w/someone getting a divorce (not divorced yet) or early out ---is that the level of animosity, PAS and loyalty concerns w/kids are going to be much bigger then in other blended situations. You alreayd will have that against you.
I know it sucks, but it's honestly pretty much a fact that these relationships will have a higher chance of this happening. Kids can be selfish, and it hurts I know. And if he's being fed alienation by his mom/sisters this is what happens. OR sometimes some kids don't really listen to the other parenst PAS and form their own perception/ideas about dad/mom...even if it was different before.
Im' sorry it was a sucky day for your bf though!
Aggravated-So because his BM
Aggravated-So because his BM encourages him to treat his father like dirt I should do the same? I'm sorry, but I will not do that. It is wrong that his son did not even acknowledge him on fathers day. I was not pushy at all, I just wanted to give him a reminder that it was fathers day because I knew no one else would.
BTW-I did the same thing for him last year (texting to remind him) and he and I went out together to get him a card and a present.
Frenchie-I think you need to
Frenchie-I think you need to go back and read what I wrote. And how old is this kid? 12????? And some of you seriously think that a 12 year old can't remember it's Father's Day????? Do they live in a cave?
I actually had your back on this Frenchie. I don't recall anywhere I said that you should encourage your SS to treat your DH like crap. Seems like he is doing just fine on his own.
Aggravated - Yes, he is 12.
Aggravated - Yes, he is 12. If I took what you wrote the wrong way, I apologize. It seemed like you were saying it was his mothers job and not mine.
And I agree with you to say that a 12 year old can't remember fathers day - there are about a million commercials for it on tv the week leading up to the day!
Here is my take-I wouldn't
Here is my take-I wouldn't remind him. I think the fact that you did it once was pretty nice. Just know, that these things have a tendency to backfire on Stepmoms. What you consider a nice gesture can 10 years from now (when SS is 22) turn into "it's all Frenchie's fault I didn't call you for Father's Day, it's her job to remiiiiiiiiind me ."
I see that now. It is just
I see that now. It is just sucks to know that when special things come around (fathers day, birthday) bf is going to be dissapointed because he doesn't hear from his son. But, I agree with you. It really is not my job to remind him. I did it because I don't want bf to be upset.
I know. It hurts us to see
I know. It hurts us to see our SO's hurt. I have been in your shoes before, and there is nothing you can do about a kid that treats his father badly. All you can do is be there for your BF when he gets hurt-and make sure a target doesn't get painted on your back.