Hope we got the SD thinking
Last summer, SD16 decided she didn't like me and asked her dad not to invite me on their times together because he only sees them every other weekend and one night a week.
My DH went to see his kids on Tuesday night for his regular visitation. They were talking about SS10's upcoming class trip to see the Tutenkahmen (sp?) display at the Art Gallery of Ontario in Toronto. SD said she wanted to see it. DH and I went on valentine's weekend. SS told his sister "dad and Frecklecat went to see it already". SD said "why didn't you take me?". DH said "because you don't like to do things with Frecklecat". SD didn't respond to this, but I hope it gets her thinking about how she treats me. I hate that we can't make plans on the weekends DH has the kids. He takes them to his mom's house and we only talk once to say good night. When DH told me about this conversation he'd had with the kids, I told him I was proud of him for handling it that way. I'm not expecting a lot of change (or for it to come quickly), but I hope it comes!
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Dont worry teenagers can be
Dont worry teenagers can be a pain in the a** but eventually they will come to their senses. when?? who knows but they will I myself am dealing with a 14 yr old who tries to manipulate daddy to the point that i couldn't take it and asked him to have her leave the home so he ended up leaving with her so thank your lucky stars that your husband is coming home to you and just try to block her out as much as possible you're married to him not his kid(s)....
Last summer, SD16 decided
Last summer, SD16 decided she didn't like me and asked her dad not to invite me on their times together because he only sees them every other weekend and one night a week
--------------> Were you guys not living together or not married last summer? I get that impression b/c SD used the term "invite" you on their times together. Did he start taking them to his Mom's house for visitation after she said this? This strikes me as odd b/c it would seem to me that this gives SD the impression that she can dictate how the family functions. How does SS feel about all of this? Does SD give any reasons for not liking you? How long have you and your DH been together? Does DH have any plans on bringing the children back into the home on his visitations?
Sorry for all the questions, just looking for some more insight on the situation.
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
To answer your questions
To answer your questions middlemom, no we are not married. We have been together for almost 3 years now. He has always taken the kids to his mom's on his weekends with them. We did go on a family trip this summer and one time about a year ago, the skids stayed with us at my parent's one night when we were house-sitting for them. SD has said that because her dad only has them every other weekend, she only sees him 4 days out of 30 in a month and that if I'm there, it interferes with her time with him. This attitude worsened after our family trip to PEI last August but she has always been quiet around me and never really talked. I have tried to open the lines of communication by writing her a letter and telling her that I want to be her friend - not her mom (she already has a mom.
So far, SS has been pretty good. DH (or BF if you prefer) had him for the whole summer last year and he did not really complain that his dad was spending time with me and he even joined in a couple of times. One night he tried to sleep in the spare room at my house but his dad had to spend the night in the room with him because he has trouble sleeping alone (something we are working on). We do try to spend time as a group at the park or whatever but have backed off since SD started her hate campaign.
BF has plans come October for us to move on. His daughter has been debating for about a year if she wants to live with him and keeps flip flopping. He finally told her that he and I are moving on whether she comes with him or not. SD has been told that if she wants to live with her dad, I will be living there too and she has to go to 4 weeks of counseling. SD has been resisting this saying she will stop coming but we know BM will not put up with this for very long. BF used to give in to the kids and BM a fair amount but has decided to stand up for himself, which I am proud of.
Sorry for the confusion Middlemom-hope this clarifies for you!
Kids don't feel comfortable
Kids don't feel comfortable when they have too much power. You might want to put it this way to your BF. If he allows her to dictate the terms of their visitation and relationship, she'll have too much power in their relationship and that's not healthy for her. BF needs to be the decision-maker, not SD. She has to accept that you're part of her father's life, and that you're not going anywhere (you aren't, right?).
I'm not saying that you should be in her face all the time; she still needs quality alone time with her father. But you should not be excluded from every weekend that he has them, just because SD doesn't want you there. She doesn't get to make that call.