Loving your own children more than skid
I read a post earlier today about a woman who's pregnant and worried about loving her child more than her skid. I have a 6 month old baby girl and a SD9. I was worried about the exact same thing and sometimes I still catch myself trying to divide the attention equally. When I get home from work I just want to run to my baby scoop her up and kiss her while SD looks at me like "Oh you're home, that's nice." SD9 lives w us permanently. Mom doesn't see her at all and doesn't plan to except on Christmas. I am not SD's mother however I am the only mother figure in her life. So why can't I love her and have the same feelings for her like I do my baby? I would give my life for my daughter. I think about her every second I am not with her. And honestly I feel like sometimes I want a break from SD. How come I never feel like that about my own child? Of course DH loves both kids bc they are both his. I just wish I had the same feelings for SD that he does. It would make things sooo much easier and create less tension between her and I.
Now a topic I need advice about: When SD was a baby, BM was never around. He pretty much raised her alone until I came along 3 years ago. He more than compensated for her not having a mother and spoiled her, gave her privilege after privilege. It took a lot of adjusting and getting used to sharing daddy when I came along. So I guess what I'm asking is "Why does he leave a lot of the child rearing duties to me with our new baby when he did alllll of it for his other child? Don't get me wrong, he's a great dad but I take care of her, buy her clothes, supplies, etc. He always went shopping for his other daughter and dressed her up cute and kept her on a schedule. So it seems to me that he's not treating our new baby the same way...maybe I'm just imagining it.
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Men just do that??? they are
Men just do that??? they are pre-disposed to chauvenism. Suddenly when there is a woman in the house she is responsible for all "womanly" duties. My husband is exactly the same he coped just fine before i came along and now it is me that does all the washing, the shopping the cooking etc etc. I wish i had an answer for that one.
As for loving your own child more, that is completely normal i have heard when your own child is born your body releases a chemical that encourages bonding, (not 100% sure but have read something somewhere)this enables us to care for our child as nature intended, we are no different from wild animals that instinctively care for our young. We will never love another child the same as we do our own. Dont feel guilty about it its just nature.
Don't feel too badly about
Don't feel too badly about not loving SD the way you love BD. Honestly, you'll probably want a break from BD when she's nine, too. It doesn't mean you don't care about her. I just think a lot of this is the age difference. Plus, you simply weren't around during that completely dependent, chubby, adorable baby stage when most people bond with their children. It sounds like you have a bond with SD, it's just different, and that's ok.
As to DH not buying clothes and such like he did when he was a single dad... I don't know, I used to mow and scoop snow when I was a single mom. I didn't do it because I wanted the kids to have a nice yard to play in, I did it so I wouldn't get a fine for my house looking like it was abandoned.
I painted rooms, went to the batting cages, taught them to build campfires, everything. I'm more than happy to let DH take on that type of stuff now that I'm remarried. Maybe your DH bought her clothes and hated every minute of it, but he had to do it so his child has clothes. Now that you are there to do it for BD, he's happy to let you do it so he can enjoy the things he does with BD.
Or maybe your DH and I are lazy? But I really think it comes down to a division of labor. DH wants to take the kids fishing? See ya! He doesn't want to take them to the library? Got it covered!
Does that make sense?