She's 9 freakin years old. I have similar issues with my own SD9, manipulating DH while he just plays along. Just last night, DH was hammering the floor in places because SD9 said she cut her knee on a nail while running and sliding on her knees, on the carpet. How about, don't run and slide on the damn carpet? Also, she waited until her older sisters were in bed to want to vacuum the bedroom because she said she saw AN ANT. Nevermind she 'saw the ant' 2 hours earlier, or that the older girls wanted to go to bed early because we had to get up very early. DH went and vacuumed the room. I had told her no, wait until tomorrow. Why? Because she purposely waited until the girls were in bed! It's simple things really, but when it happens on a daily freakin basis it starts to piss you off really easily.

When I was 3 my dad went to see my grandmother who was really sick and was gone for like 3 months. I thought he had abandoned me and I couldn't leave my mother's side after that because I was afraid she would leave too (even after my dad came back). I had to go EVERYWHERE w her, even the bathroom!!! She always had to take a few days off work when the school year started up again so she could come with me to class until I got used to the teacher or I would cry. I would always cry if my mom was late to pick me up from school because I would imagine that she didn't want me anymore. I often had dreams about me showing up at my house and it being empty -like my whole family had moved and no one bothered to tell me. I couldn't do sleep overs. Once, a friend invited me to her birthday part and my mom had to sit outside my friend's house until the party was over and (I kid you not) I would look through the window every half hour to make sure she hadn't left. When I was about 7 my mom went into the laundry room without me noticing and I couldn't find her and freaked out! I ran to my neighbor's house and told them my mom had left me. My parents finally took me to see a shrink which really helped me get over it. I don't know what may have happened to your SD but you should really take her to see someone. And DH babying her is not going to help. All the time my parents spent babying me didn't do anything, it wasn't until I saw the therapist that I got over it. Good luck!!

Isn't that interesting how these men can never see that their kids are manipulating them? Like these little angels couldn't possibly exhibit any negative behavior. RaeRae beat me to it. I was going to say almost exactly the same thing SHE'S 9 YEARS OLD! She isn't a two year old with parent separation anxiety. This is so typical and totally your hubby's fault. That girl should be loving the time with her grandma, and her dad is robbing her of that joy by perpetuating her insecurities. She may be freaked out the first night, but if dad encourages her, after that she will beg to go to grandmas. As I always try to tell my BF, you aren't doing the kid any good. In fact he is disabling her by preventing her from growing up and gently pushing her toward independence. If he wants a daughter who is 20 years old and terrified of living her life, keep it up. She needs to learn to adapt and adjust and self-soothe and this is the age to learn those skills. Don't ask me how you get "daddy" to understand that. My skid is almost 12 and won't even think about going to bed without daddy to tuck him in, won't take a shower until daddy brings him a towel, and won't even put his shoes on until daddy tells him too. BF felt so guity about enjoying a night with me alone that he NEVER got a babysitter. Literally never! Funny thing is, he still talks about it, about getting a sitter. He is so clueless that his child is not a baby anymore that he doesn't even realize he is 12 and old enough to be a babysitter himself! Good grief, in 6 years this child is going to be a functional adult? I don't think so.

Making a 9yo go to bed at Grandma's is tough love? :? Wow, I remember things being much much tougher when I was 9.

You and DH are being played by a 9yo and you both are letting her get away with it.

I would schedule a really fun kid sleep over at a park, at G-Ma's, etc...SOON. Make sure there is a ton of fun early and a bunch of fun stuff planned for late evening and late night. When the sun goes down ..... pack up SD-9 and take her home to Daddy.

When she gets pissed off tell her that you thought she HAD to spend the night with daddy. }:)

You also need to schedule a weekend B&B trip with just you and your husband SOON and make damned sure that you are too far away for him to go get Sd-9 when she tries that bull shit next time.

DH needs to let SD-9 know that if she pulls the hysterical crap that when he gets back he will blister her butt. If she wants to act like a 3yo she needs a psychological adjustment THROUGH HER BUTT CHEEKS!

As for him getting upset when you say something "negative" about his little girl. Facts are not good or bad they are just facts and the FACT is that SD-9 is doing nothing but playing him.

IMHO of course.