Nothing changes if nothing changes
So after numerous promises to step up and parent his kids which he largely did, he still couldn't set boundaries with his ex so I've set my own, I'm walking away.
after numerous last minute changes without consultation, he was due to have his kids this Friday. Gets a call they have a party can he get them on Saturday lunch time. Of course he agrees without a conversation with me or doing what we discussed. We have had numerous arguements about if it's in our time our responsibility her time, her responsibility. We had this arguement as recently as last Saturday as he was asked via Kid as ex knows how he is with the kids to take them to a party in HER time. We had a row as he said yes I said hey that's not what's been agreed. I don't matter, our decisions we jointly make don't matter. She calls today asking for a later pick up which he agrees, I lost it. Explained how fed up I am, how he has once again gone against what we agreed. Asked if he'd fix it call her back explain our time we will do it. She's said she really really wants to go so he has just let her.
I told him this is the last time I'm ignored and you prioritise your exs wants and feelings over mine. I told him we're done because I can't live a life where his ex calls the shots. Obviously he dredged up a handful of times I've said something and done different but I have put up with this scenario more times than I can count.
he is moving out this Friday and taking his delightful do no wrong kids with him when he collects them next day to make his ex happy.
im so glad he put her happiness above our agreements because I saw so strongly how I'll never ever be considered or prioritised. So I told him I'm walking away from this absolute shit show.
feeling angry, drained but also relieved. Here's to the first day of my happy shit partner and skid free life!
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I am sorry that you had to do
I am sorry that you had to do it. I am thrilled for you that you have done it. Call the locksmith now and re-key the locks. Tell him he is out in the AM when he leaves for work and will not enter the home unless you are there. Make him being completely out by Friday your hill to die on.
Then, on Saturday, have a great weekend stepping into your new life adventure with this failed family worshipping non man and his baggage in your past.
I think it was obviously
I think it was obviously coming but I wanted to believe his words not his actions. Obviously I'm now unreasonable and it "doesn't affect me" and he is the parent so he decides nothing to do with me and I just thought I'm going to make this nothing to do with me. Fuck off and take your sprogs with you!!
I already have plans for the weekend, made in advance of their arrival but I'm looking forward to them even more now knowing I won't have to come home to face him or them!
The same old pattern
"These are my kids... you have nothing to do with them" (but I will make unilateral decisions with the ex that TOTALLY effect SM.)
Good for you to walk away from the never ending hamster wheel.
Good!
Good!
My ex ... notice the clue words EX ... pulled those same shenanigans
And when I called his a$$ out for his spineless behavior this mfer always default to the "this is for my kids sake"
Yeah your kids seeing a grown man run around like a chicken with his head cut off to appease your jealous breeder (instead of having law and order like what most masculine men are more than capable of doing) is very health role modeling .... mkay
I got tired of his ex wife running our household schedule and when that stopped working she manipulated her kids into running the show.
Either way the lack of boundaries, basic home training, structure, and rules were completely void between these two parents and I no longer wanted to be immersed in the f*ckery because it disturbed my peace of mind
Rule #1 Never date Disneyland Dads (or Disney moms)
Rule #2 If you disregard rule 1; at the bare minimum never let men with dependents live with you / never live with them/their dependents
Rule #3 If you disregard rules 1 & 2 you are highly likely to be ranting up a storm in this forum
Well I learnt the hard way.
Well I learnt the hard way. He promised me at the start that me and our relationship would always come first because if there's no us there's no family.
I just see this clear as day as he would rather upset me than her and to put another woman's feelings above that of your current partner is a fucking huge red flag. She knew it was his weekend she did what she wanted anyway and he let her. This is not for the first time.
im so angry with myself for being so In love with the good that I sucked up the bad which was far more than the good. Always drama always problems with the ex and the kids. I am 95% sure he will have these problems in the next relationship and I hope after fucking more than one woman off he might learn his ex is still controlling shit she shouldn't be and it's costing him dearly.
he is refusing to back down with her because I won't apologise for saying his mum can take her opinion and shove it up her arse. In a row a few weeks back he looked me in my eyes and told me I want to sleep with other people. I reacted by packing his shit and his kids shit. His mum said "he shouldn't of said that" that's literally it but then went on a fucking rampage about me packing the kids stuff. They were not here at that time either. So I think rightfully she can shove her opinion
things have been rocky between us for a little while and I read a book, why does he do that? I realised he is actually abusive and has been abusing me for majority of our relationship. The more I read the more I disengaged from him
I know I'm doing the right thing
I just see this clear as day
They often do this if the bio mom is litigious and they're scared of getting sued in family court or if they're operating out of "Divorced Dad Guilt" where they cater to these kids imaginary "suffering"
This is why a recent court order and guilty feeling dad attending therapy is important.
Actions speak louder than words.
A lot of these single dads are so desperate to get an unsuspecting woman to help them raise their bad a$$ kids and undo the sh*tshow parenting mess they created they will say ANYTHING to get you "locked in" .... then once you're locked in you're now the free live-in nanny, therapist, maid, mommy 2.0, ex-wife 2.0, bangmaid, kid servant, 24/7 Uber, sister wife, doormat, etc
And g0d forbid you provide any helpful insight to help with their kids they get defensive, gaslight, and now you're the problem.
They're scared of their ex-wives because they assume defeat in family court.
And most single dads generally are not ready for relationships but they're simply too scared of being single and inept at raising kids as a single person so cue the unsuspecting nurturing doormat who will simply shut her piehole, ask no questions, use her resources, and be a beck n call Uber/nanny to some kids that aren't even hers that she can't even discipline and she has no legal rights to.
Sadly, a CO is nothing but
Sadly, a CO is nothing but toilet paper if it is not enforced. Far too many failed family breeders who get a CO won't hold the other side in compliance. Because... the kids! The poor little COD, hurt fee fee, mini spouse, toxic X minion, PAS-ing parent leg humper, failed family progeny kids.
Similar to getting an RO/PO then inviting the subject of that RO/PO to attend a celebration "because it is for the kids".
Not just no but hell no!
Read the CO, know the CO, enforce the CO. No deviations from the toxic side. An interesting thing about toxic people and COs, most seemingly never have read their CO and those who have get all baffled, hurt, and offended, when they get smacked in the face with a rolled of copy of the CO when they deviate from the stipulations of the CO.
The SpermClan never read it. Ever. We read it, we studied it, we enforced it, and we kept the full files of the entire mess in our home office. DW and I kept scanned copies of the CO, Supplemental Jurisdictional (County) Rules, and State regulations on our work computers. When the SpermGrandHag would call, DW and I would engage a side call and have the docs all opened and Control F ready to go to beat the snot out of her in real time on the conversation. Hag would not know that I was conferenced in on the calls between DW and the Hag. I would feed DW comments, references, and links to specific lines in the CO/Rules/Regulations. The Hag would always revert to "The judges I clean houses and offices for say ........" Sorry Hag, the CO/Rules/Regs say "INSERT QUOTE HERE!!!!".
This leaves the side who knows the CO inside out, upside down, and backwards free to pretty much do what they want since the toxic side won't RTFCO. We certainly took advantage of their wilful ignorance regarding the CO.
These toxic morons hate facts which is what they should be force fed any time they crawl out from under the slime covered rock they live under at the bottom of their shallow and polluted gene pools.
Most sad in the whole dance is that it truly is the kids who suffer at the hands of the toxic side of the equation.
When the SpermGrandHad would
OMG this is hilarious!!!!
I may need to use this idea against the narcs in my life that I'm forced to deal with.
My breeder is a narc and it was exhausting going into circular debates and arguments with his a$$. I had to stick to shoving facts in his face. Which he of course tried to argue with me about facts vs opinions/feelings.
But that control F = classic!
Lilly, you nailed it!
I got tired of his ex wife running our household schedule and when that stopped working she manipulated her kids into running the show.
Either way the lack of boundaries, basic home training, structure, and rules were completely void between these two parents and I no longer wanted to be immersed in the f*ckery because it disturbed my peace of mind
-Yes! This! ------ This is exactly what I experienced. My exF always said it was "for the kids." He told me flat out that he would try to keep things calm with the ex because he was worried she would take him back to court. FFS.
I am so sorry for you
That this happened. You see clearly where you stand. He rather move out then set rules with his ex and his kids. This is not a way to live having another woman controlling your life. It's is all about control.. when he divorced his ex. She had to give up all her control,, or they are not really divorced.. only on paper.
'I hope the best for you. We are here for you to vent. Don't think it's over.
Thank you so much. He said I
Thank you so much. He said I was trying to control him I said no this is called respecting me and what we agreed. Ironically it's your ex controlling you but you are too stupid to see what she is doing and it has cost you a damn good woman who put up with too much for too long. I hope her happiness gives you comfort to sleep at night!
he had the cheek to say this is the last time I promise. I listed in excess of 10 times he said the same thing. He then said next time he will pass the phone for me to tell her!! omg no absolutely not you fucking spineless coward