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love him but...

dodgegal05's picture

Submitted by dodgegal05 on Sat, 07/23/2011 - 12:01am

I do love my df and his skids dont interfere very much at all, but i still find myself wondering if there is a guy out there with no kids that can love me the way df does and if i can love someone else the way i love df. i just dont know if i can do all the work to get to this point in another relationship...maybe im just feeling down bc I lost a pet yesterday.

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herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Sat, 07/23/2011 - 12:18am

Oh lady, I am sooo sorry about your pet. I lost my "little girl" (dog) who was with me a little over 15yrs in May, and I still miss her dearly. It is really tough...please remember the good times...I try to do that...but it's still hard...very hard. A big hug to you...

PS - about the DF? oh yeah, there's plenty of men out there...and if you get along and still wonder, uff...plenty of guys with no kids...this life is pathetic...I wouldn't recommend it to my worst enemy.

dodgegal05's picture

Submitted by dodgegal05 on Sat, 07/23/2011 - 12:28am

My pet was a ferret...he was older and i knew it would happen soon, but it was rough. I am doing good now, I know he is at peace now.
I do love my df, a lot. our lives are connected now...phone bill(2 lines), a vehicle, and a dog. The dog would be going with me, no question (he knows that already). I rely on him which is something new for me. I could easily get away. I have the money and a place to go. I have trouble rationalizing it. His skids rarely call/text/visit (which I love) and he does support me with my issues with them. I just dont see a valid reason to leave except that everytime I see one of them or see they have called/texted i am filled with so much animosity. I wonder if i can put up with it all for birthdays, fathers days, major holidays, weddings, anniversaries, and other events where i have to see them or talk to them. its not much to put up with, but i hate feeling the way i do when the animosity is there.

Done WIth It's picture

Submitted by Done WIth It on Sat, 07/23/2011 - 12:29am

dodgegal, sorry to hear about your dog. That's always a challenge when loving a beloved pet.

If your fiance is funding stepkids, wow, that might really bother you down the road. AND, if he pays for college, there goes money that would have been spent on you both traveling, living better, etc....especially if you have children with him. If he's financially helping the stepkids, will you be resentful that money isn't being spent on his biokids?

You've got a lot to consider. Protect yourself from getting pregnant before addressing these issues with fiance. Don't fall victim to a relationship that you are thinking of pulling out. You'll only make yourself another woman with a kid looking for a husband instead of the single woman readily available for fun a the drop of a hat!

But right now, really take care of yourself after you pet loss. While "healing", give your situation serious thought. If you are thinking/fantasing about a meeting a man without kids, that's your inner self speaking intelligently. Listen to your logic and make a well thought out decision. Then, follow through with it. Don't settle for less.

Done WIth It's picture

Submitted by Done WIth It on Sat, 07/23/2011 - 12:34am

okay...sorry...LOSING your pet ferret. Still, always difficult losing a beloved pet.

If you have those strong feelings with those skids...do get out of it.

Here's the valid reason to leave. Fiance obviously cares for those kids and wants to celebrate life's events with them. Dont take that away from him. He will find another woman that will fit better in his life and, hopefully, be accepting of his situation.

You don't need to settle for this. Don't let your life be filled with animosity that I promise you, after marriage and after having children, will only be greater.

SO do yourself and this man a favor. Let him know how you feel and wish him well. Move on and let him.

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Sat, 07/23/2011 - 10:12am

I'm so sorry about your pet. That is so hard! I lost 3 this year. It hurts. Hugs to you.

MrsFitMama's picture

Submitted by MrsFitMama on Sat, 07/23/2011 - 1:31pm

Always anxious I've been wondering where you have been!

To the OP... you can find another man. That's the pit of dispair many of us fall in to... we don't think there's anyone else who we can love and love us back the same. But there is always someone else. There's too many people in this world...
I figure if this doesn't work out for me, I don't care to have anyone else anyway. I love my own company, my own time and self. I don't need anyone else to love or be loved by because I am enough... and I have friends and family who care about me.
Does this take away the place of loving someone else and vise versa? No... but I can live without it.

stepmomtotwoteenagers's picture

Submitted by stepmomtotwotee... on Sat, 07/23/2011 - 1:07pm

Hi there dodgegal05,

I married my husband 18 months ago. I had the same thoughts you have, but I didn't listen to them (or anybody else around me) and now I regret it terribly. Please, please do not marry this man. You deserve a lot better (and as a previous poster said, he will find someone more suited to him). You will find another, but it is much harder to back out after the ring is on your finger and the papers have been singed.

Hugs and good luck