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dodgegal05's Blog

"Always the bridesmaid, never the bride"

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I am having a low self esteem night. It seems like I am often the girlfriend that is not good enough to marry, but the ex wife was a serial cheater that left the guy and treated him like crap. You'd think being with a woman who was actually supprotive and absolutly against cheating would be incentive to a long term committment. I know they guy probably didnt know the ex wife would turn out that way, but I would like to be recognized as someone far better than the ex by the guy.

O/T And this is why meeting people online never works.

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I joined a site where you can meet new friends, people to date, etc... to meet more people where I'll be moving soon. And to be honest to scope out the dating scene when I am ready to date again. I've had one message already asking if I want a NSA sexual relationship. :sick: My profile has no indication of me desiring that! I do not miss dating, nor do I look forward to it.

Update

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I got accepted into the school, found a place to live (signed the lease Biggrin ), and am searching for employment.
The now ex didnt say anything about me leaving. He had a nice point of view actually. Me continuing my education is forward progress and he can't stand in the way of that. He will miss me, but he is not sad because this is a positive change.

great start to my morning

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I know things btwn my SO and I are basically over. I am saving money by staying here till I leave for college which will be within 6 weeks hopefullly. Things between us are very civil. Actually its oddly peaceful. No fights or issues. We are like good friends that have just decided dating might not be a great idea. Some of the time in SO's case. lol.
Todays issues:

his idea backfired

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I tried to move on to another dog after mine ran off and I could not. I just didnt have the emotional ability to reconnect. Not long ago SO felt that we needed to wait and I just wanted to move on. I think that was because I dont deal with loss very well. After I told him I wanted to wait a few months he decides we need a dog. I tell him if he wants to fine, but I am not ready. Fast forward to today, He got a dog. Ofcourse he works everyday of the week and never took our other dogs to the park or anything, so I get to take care of the dog. I played with him, worked with him all day.

wow

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SO and I were talking tonight about a boy one of my coworkers like. I told him I tried to warn her, but Ofcourse she doesn't listen. I brought up the time he tried to shove me through a doorway at his moms. They were having a convo and I was taught its rude to interrupt (physically or verbally) a convo. I told it bothers me that it didn't bother him. I've had two abusive relationships and tend to watch for red flags now. He says he stands by his actions bc I was being rude. So I said if I cheated on you bc I was mad it'd be okay too? He said no, that's different.

oppurtunity

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I have recently started to think about continuing my education, but to do this I have to move (temporarily) about 5 hours away. With all the problems I've had and the state of our relationship I know we wouldnt survive long distance. The damage has been done, my feelings are hurt and somethings can't be fixed. I feel so disconnected from my SO, yet I hate the thought of leaving him. I know it is just the fear of change and leaving "home".

O/T Dogs

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My dogs ran away now 2.5 days ago. They have never been gone this long. I have this sinking feeling that they are not coming back. I really hope I am wrong. We live out of town and they could be anywhere. Or they could of been hit by a vehicle or shot for chasing livestock/wildlife. I would rather they not be dead, but I'd rather know if they are than wonder if they are okay.

Lack of romantic effort

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Here it is, the day after valentines day. On the day of valentines day SO suggests dinner on day after bc it is less busy. I agree.
SO: "Where?"
Me: You pick, you know where I like to eat. It'd be nice if you would plan a date.
SO: Okay, but you only really like three places.
I suggested a few others that we dont go to bc of distance (within half an hour of home)
SO: well, make reservations tomorrow for 7:00
Me: (Said nothing)
I guess he assumed that what's what I meant by "You plan a date."

excuses

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Fdh just got a text from a skid, a grandskids bday party is today. This afternoon actually. Not that I know bdays, but I usually ask if he wants me to take them a card. I did this untill I decided to drop the skid issue as he does not want a relationship with them. He didn't know it was the grandskids bday and doesn't want to go to the party bc of the mother (skid). This bothers me and I don't know why. Just had to tell someone who understands. He said he might get the gskid a card he said, but i guess I'm used to my grandparents. My grandparents were and are not distant at all.

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