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things I know

dodgegal05's picture

Submitted by dodgegal05 on Wed, 04/06/2011 - 1:22am

I have been thinking about things I know, but in different levels of comfort.
Things I know;
I love my DF and he worth all the stress.
He is devoted to me and our future.
His skids are not a huge part of our lives and do not pose a threat.
He is a father figure to the skids and that is okay.
Things I am not comfortable with;
His skids having any part of our lives
Him considering the skids to be "his children" since he raised them from a young age.
Him talking about them, to them...etc.
I know that if I cant accept him for who he is and the skids are part of that then i shouldnt even be involved. I do accept him and them, but choose to ignore their existense. They are not around enough that I have to acknowledge their existense. This sounds so selfish to me, but I cannot help how I feel. I want my df all to myself, all the time. I kind of sound like a spoiled brat. Funny, I read about other skids acting like this and am disgusted. I wish i could change my feelings, but i know myself and that isnt happening. Sometimes I wonder if I am being fair to df. Does anyone else feel this way?

Comments

Flutterby's picture

Submitted by Flutterby on Wed, 04/06/2011 - 8:12am

My situation is a bit different. We have his daughter 15 fulltime. She is not a bad kid. Your last 3 sentences are exactly the way I feel. I feel bad about the way I feel, I wish I knew how to change it.
Look after yourself xx

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Wed, 04/06/2011 - 8:44am

I totally understand what you are going through. I love my DH with all my heart, but have zero feelings for my skids. They are not bad kids and we usually only see them once a week or so, so it's not like they are terribly intrusive. I think what I don't like is what they respresent...

1. a constant reminder of a previous life
2. a free pass for BM's to call/text whenever they please
3. money that could be spent on our BS1 instead of them
4. the feeling of prying eyes whenever they are there as everything that happens or does not happen in our home gets reported to BM's
5. less time with my DH and less time for my BS1 with DH when skids are there

As I'm typing this, I feel childish, selfish and downright stupid for not liking these children because of these reasons, but I can't change the way I feel. It is what it is.

My skids are 12 and 13 so I am just trying to hang on and put on a semi happy face when they are around because in a few years (HOPEFULLY) they will be gone.. onto their own lives. Heck when SS turns 18 our BS will only be 7 so he'll have lots of time to spend one and one with my DH. It's just hard to get past that resentment right now.

Hang in there and know that you are not a bad person... you are NORMAL!

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Wed, 04/06/2011 - 9:48am

Yes, and I've posted similar things. You just become uncomfortable, feel out of control and unhappy. There isn't any one single thing that is the cause, there are many it is complex and never completely makes sense.

I feel the same, as if I am immature and not being fair to SO. He has been willing to stay with my even though he has some hint of my feelings so I have remained.

dodgegal05's picture

Submitted by dodgegal05 on Wed, 04/06/2011 - 3:08pm

Thanks for all the support. My df knows how I feel and why I feel the ways I do, but sometimes he snaps at me about not using their names or not wanting to see them. I know my actions/feelings hurts his sometimes, but I am not sure how to handle that situation. I do meet in the middle most of the time, but with issues like respect I do not budge. I feel like I need to be on my toes so I can be a step ahead of the skids just in case they decide to be manipulative. Wow, I sound like a conspiracy theorist. All paranoid about people plotting my demise (or my relationships).
i am glad I am "Normal" and not alone in this battle. Wink