school schedule
School here hasn't started yet, not until September.
YSD decided last year to go to high school near BM. It was understood that it likely meant YSD had to stay at BMs during the week and would change to EOWE and a few more school holidays to be with DH. She can walk to school from BMs.
Last night at dinner I was talking about the crazy bus schedule in our area and how they haven't revised the Covid schedule yet, which makes it very difficult or not possible to take transit to the city.
YSD pipes up, what bus do I take to get to the city in the morning? We're like, what?! She's planning on taking the 6:25 bus from here, transfer to another transit mode, then somehow get another bus to school in the city. Her total commute will be two hours one way. And getting back here will be impossible if the bus schedule for the evenings is not restored.
DH pipes up that he'll drive her in (to the second transit connection). I say, no you won't. It's only 10 min faster by car and not necessary unless the bus doesn't show up. You are not using my car each morning she is here to do that. You need to get a car if that's your plan. Then he got all mad. Whatever. I didn't back down. You don't discuss it with me I don't give you anything.
I did say that if I go in, and have to take my car because I need to get home, about 2x per week, then I can give her a ride. But this is HER choice, make her live with it.
This will be an opportunity to tell DH that if this schedule sticks she must get a driver's license and a car so she can get herself to/from the park and ride. It's exactly what I predicted....my car being used to shuttle a teen ariund who refuses to learn to drive. And my keys are pulled.
I was happy to have the schedule changed to EOWE. Agh. I don't think her plan is sustainable tho. One transit miss and your commute is trashed. I'll have to engage with this because my car is involved. And the two of them don't determine how I do things, because how is the return trip going to work? This needs to be a discussion with everyone at the house because but effects everyone.
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Didn't you know DH's think
Didn't you know DH's think things only revolve their kids and we are an after thought? And its not just your car. Its your days being affected. I love how we just are supposed to sit back and let everyone else decide schedules and visiations. At least for me I only have one more year left of it.
You are correct. I'm sitting
You are correct. I'm sitting there going, wait a minute, it's my car, he's acknowledged that and he and she are determining it now? No.
I mentioned that he needs to get a car and he's like, "Well why don't I go buy some luxury car since I've been paying $xx anyway to the IRS and now that's paid off I can just continue it." WTF? That's irrelevant AND you are only paid off because YOU took the tax return that was half mine for YOUR tax bill (we've since sorted that out but jeez, don't be dumb DH). Get a decent used car you can buy outright and be done with it.
He's using some 'enviornmental' excuse but no, he's just being cheap and using me as his fall back.
AT this point... doesn't it
AT this point... doesn't it seem a lot more logical for him to get a car and for him to share that with his daughter so there is some alternate transportation for her.. and also for him? I get that not owning a car is a big savings.. but why does the burden of all the vehicle cost fall on you.
Exactly. When he got rid of
Exactly. When he got rid of his car two years ago I agreed after discussion to do so, because we really didn't need two. However, I did tell him that if his girls get older or circumstances change then my car will not be the default car for two other people for their convenience. I bought it for me, not for them. He can use it at times, but not on a regulat basis and their needs don't surpass mine.
SD will soon be at BM's
SD will soon be at BM's during the week. She'll want to be with friends after school and with her bed at BM's conveniently close by ... The transition may start off slowly, but it will proceed from the occasional night to every school night.
Even though the change is just practical, expect DH to blame you. Somehow it will be your fault. If you had let him use your car... If you had taken her every day.... If you had picked her up... If you (insert random reason here)... But, the bottom line is that she is attending school in BM's district. It is reasonable to want to sleep the night before school days five minutes from the school, rather than a two hour commute to and a two hour commute from.
I'm in the "DH can buy
I'm in the "DH can buy himself a facking car and share it with SD" club. The poopie head.
I'm confused. Why would SD
I'm confused. Why would SD be taking a bus from your place to school if she's living with BM during the week? Are we talking about every other Monday morning/Friday afternoon, or is she planning on doing this more frequently? If the latter, your DH needs to be the adult and tell his daughter that a two hour commute to get to school is ridiculous and whatever her plan is doesn't make sense. I agree with you and others that if your DH is going to need a car more than very occasionally, he needs to buy his own. My guess is that if you give an inch with the car, he'll take a mile.
The plan WAS that she'd be
The plan WAS that she'd be here only EOWE and longer holidays. Apparently YSD15 has decided that she wants to try to maintain week on/week off. So she's be with us Friday eve/Friday morning every other week. Or Maybe Mon/Mon. No idea.
I've been too busy at work today to talk with him but I am going to tell him this evening that we need to have a serious discussion on how the plan will work, if at all.
He's already overstepped with the car this summer when he was furious I wasn't home and he needed to get YSD from the last transit stop - I had NO idea she was coming and of course, had the car. I had it out with him then and he backed off saying it was my car and my decision then, he doesn't get to revert now.
I think its time to cut DH
I think its time to cut DH off from your car period. He can buy his own if he wants one.
Agh. YSD15 has been around
Agh. YSD15 has been around all.the.time so I've not had a chance to discuss plans with DH at all. I won't talk with him once we go to bed because I'm tired at that point. I'm trying to get him out to one of our fave places for a late/long lunch this weekend, ALONE so we can have that alone time to celebrate his birthday AND discuss things. He said, "What about YSD15?" I said, "She's here for three weeks, can we do something without her?!"
He's also trying to figure out what he wants to do for his birthday night, on a weekday. I offered to do someothing on the grill that he loves. He is looking at a local restaurant with deck seating, which is fine. BUT I know he's doiing it for YSD - but there's no way she'll agree to go out into public, even outside, and even less so eating food in public. He gets to deal with it.
Time for all sets of your car
Time for all sets of your car keys to be either with you or hidden were he can't find them. so he can't help himself to it and leave you stranded.