For me, my DH made great strides and started listening to me and prioritizing our marriage. The skid stuff all got much, much better as they got older. 

If he'd had a kid with me...or if he had at least tried...I would be perfectly happy in this marriage at this point and the past skid stuff wouldn't bother me at all. We got through it and came out the other side with a strong relationship and launched skiddos!! Woohoo!!!

The fact that he didn't attempt to start a family with me after saying he would has me eaten up with resentment...so I'm going back into the past and thinking of ALL the ways he failed me over the years. Which isn't fair because he more than corrected 95% of those things and is a great husband in so many ways. But I'm feeling low...holiday blues...and not in a rational or fair mood right now...

"Sometimes I feel like I should stay off of this blog because the more I read, the more I think I want a divorce or at least to move out."

I have felt that at times too. It can be very overwhelming to hear all the bad drama that happens, sometimes there is great advice from others who have been in the same situation and managed to turn things around for the better in their relationship, other times it is comforting to know that you aren't alone in the way you feel. 

Try not to concentrate on all the negative on the site, if it gets too much take a break from reading the stories. 

For me, DH and I have a strong relationship and we've weathered the drama with BM and SS, so far. It's helpful that he's a good parent, set good boundaries on BM, and was always concerned about my well-being and not just that of SS. Once the writing was on the wall that SS was going to be alienated, he was able to let go and we had a good couple years of drama-free life. Since SS turned 18, it's started up again, but we are strong and we will get through it.

Some people on here - I have no idea why they are still with their spouse. The crap they deal with seems like a deal breaker to me.  There were times that I thought of leaving because of the drama, but DH was always willing to make the changes I needed.

I used to read these blogs about once a week and just cry.  It all seemed so hopeless and never ending.  The thing was I never had a problem with my SS's.  It was BM.  But as I was reading, I was seeing patterns emerge and some pretty frightening things both on what stepkids did, say and what the step parents were doing and saying.

My DH has made it clear day one that his kids are first and I am first.  Just in two different ways.  I have always understood this and never even tried to test it.  There was no reason too.  On a sad note, my poor DH spread himself thin at times to be all to both me and his kids and not time for himself. 

As the boys got older and SS now 16 started his crap, I was so thankful for every single story I have read here and the repsonses.  Some can seem harsh, and in some ways they are.  They can be bitter and it shows.  Most will not judge you and do actually have some great advice to give.  You just have to know which ones to avoid and you will in time.

I also had SS16 for two years full time and it did change our household drastically but thru it all I would never change the person my DH is.  I was lucky that he has never been a disney dad, just sometimes lacked the follow thru that your DH does. 

Be the queen of your castle!  So what if you are the bad guy?  Also show them that you and DH are a united front.

Fifteen years is because his skids PASed out for good back in '09.  We would have killed each other by now with the Girhippo's massive GUBM and scorched earth tactics which subsequently caused all three heathens to beer bong the PAS Koolaid.  Chef was Disney/Guilty Dad on STEROIDS for the first five years.  By the time he started seeing slivers of light through the opaque coloured glasses, it was too late.  The damage that I had been sounding the alarm on for the previous five years was done.

The stories here can be overwhelming but at the end of the day you are the only one who knows what you can or can not live with. There is good advice on here and its great to see that we are not alone in this step parent dynamic. Take the positives from the blogs and what sits well with you. All the rest you can put to the side and do what is best for you at the end of the day. You don't have kids with this man and you do have options should you choose to leave.

Just live your best life and live for you, not for anyone else. If you see this marriage is not uplifting you or adding to your life.......you know what to do.

I feel yay! I found this site when I was actually on the tail end of my 7 year sentence in the stephood.

At first it was like a much needed glass of wine at the end of a long hard day! Refreshing to see so many others going through the same hell as myself.

Then is started to sour me, in the fact that all I was seeing was negative and it was putting me in a negative head space, so I would stop coming on here as often.

Now I stop in to see what's going on, respond to a few posts where I feel I can offer my best advice and check out who is still here from the olden days.

As for does it ever change, no, but my responses to it now have. Spawn is long gone and my DH still laments her greatness and mourns her absence. Most time I just brush it aside, but other days I can't stop myself and remind him of the 7 years of hell we had to endure at his own hands and that of his Spawn.

I can't tell you what to do in your marriage, I know for me I stayed because much as it was hell, I love my DH and I want to be with him regardless.