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How do I deal with this?

bestwife's picture

Submitted by bestwife on Tue, 12/27/2011 - 8:43am

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I have never been married.

DH has been married 4 times = two times to two women.

Second wife (actually 3 and 4) I have no big problem with as she has remarried first husband. She could never get over him. No children.

First wife ( marriages 1 and 2) is where I have a problem.

They married first time when she got pregnant as a teenager. A decade later (after a divorce where both cheated like crazy) she got pregnant again.

He tells me how he still "loves' both ex-wives. He says not "in love" but love as in care for.

To me the very existance of second SS means that they cannot keep their hands off each other. He swears that he has no desire for her. For me I HATE HER GUTS and do not want them to even speak. I know I am insecure - but god if you knew how many times I've been cheated on you would understand

1. A few weeks before my wedding (which obviously did not take place) my fiance married someone else.
2. A man I dated for 3 years asked me if I wanted to marry him ( I took this as a proposal), He said " I don't want to marry you I just wanted to know if you wanted to marry me.".
3. A man I dated for a decade spent a weekend with me. The next weekend his engagement was announced in a big article.

So when he "stops by" to visit ex-wife I have a fit. He get mad and says that he has no interest in her at all. I just go crazy.

Roarin1's picture

Submitted by Roarin1 on Tue, 12/27/2011 - 9:01am

You aren't being unreasonable. If he just had a good friend that he hung out with occasionally, it would be one thing. But someone he's been romantically and sexually involved with is something entirely different.

Drop the guy and maybe talk to someone about this. The type of man you're picking seems very patterned and self-destructive. Nobody deserves to be treated like you've described, let alone multiple times.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Tue, 12/27/2011 - 9:01am

I don't normally agree with Auteur but I do agree on this one!!! 1). Why oh why get involved with a man that cheated in his marriage? 2). He loves his EX's...?!! That is crazy...he can wish then no harm, but love them? Sounds like this man loves TOOOOO much. If you are not married, run as fast as you can. If you are married, you both need to seek counsel. ASAP. good luck, but I see this coming to a bad end. Sorry

madrasta's picture

Submitted by madrasta on Tue, 12/27/2011 - 9:20am

OH - I SO agree with Auteur on this. RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!!!! And don't stop running until he is at least several hundred miles away.

This is a BAD! Why would you want to set yourself up for heartbreak again? Ending this now will save you a lot of heartache in the future.