Reading Our old stuff......
I don't blog much. Maybe I haven't been bitten by the blog bug. LOL I do have a journal that I write in occassionally, and old e-mails that I have saved from a few years ago when fdh's mom liked me.
Yes I said liked. I said what I thought, and you don't do that in that family. So now I hate his parents, they hate me and I don't step foot in their home. AT ALL! (haven't seen them in a year)
So the other day I was cleaning out my old email's. I'm glad that I didn't just do a mass delete of all of them. I actually wanted to save the couple where I told her exactly what I thought, and as I searched for those I came across some of the other one's where I did a little lite venting about fdh, his kid, and the shit that was going on in my home because of all of it.
I'm so glad that I read the old stuff. I saved them too. I needed to be reminded of how much shit was really goin on and that I'm not losing my mind. I have no intentions of going back to the old arrangements, and don't lose a blink of sleep because of things now, but not too long ago in a weak moment I let fdh and his kid tag along to an outing. (which ended up being fine. I'm sure it was a SMASHING SUCCESS to fdh) but while fdh was asking me about going he said to me, "kid is getting older." (mind you he is only 1 year older since the new arrangement) Inside, I rolled my eyes and thought, "yes 1 year older, so now instead of acting 6 he acts 7. Time to have a party on his drastic growth of maturity."
Like I said, the outing was fine. Nothing I want to do again anytime soon but reading these emails helped me remember that it wasn't JUST the kid I had issues with. FDH was just as much the problem with his lack of parenting, not backing me up, etc.... (you know the usual)
I didn't read these emails to keep my anger or resentment going, but I did save them to remind myself that fdh is that way and will continue to be that way. So even though the "kid is getting older" and he may be easier to deal with during outings, I will still NEVER live in the same house with BOTH of them.
Do any of you read your old stuff? What do you think as you do? What do you think is the reason you save your old blog's or journals, etc...?
- cant win for losin's blog
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I save my old stuff and look
I save my old stuff and look back on it after plenty of time has passed. The way I see it, there are multiple benefits I gain out of doing so. First, I get to see the things that have pissed me off in the past and contemplate on them, decide if they were really big deals, or, if they were just small stuff that doesn't deserve my attention in the future. It helps me when SD visits because a lot of it centers around her nonsense. So, it helps me to determine what the issue at the time was, why it annoyed me, and to figure out whether it really is something I should bother with in the future.
A perfect example of this is the way SD treats her belongings. Her room has always been a disaster area, and, it always bothered me. With time and space between SD and myself, I was able to reflect back on old blog entries and figure out that it's not the way she treats her stuff that bothers me, rather, it is her entitlement to everything else in the house and the fact that she treats everything the way she treats her stuff, no matter who it belongs to. I used to get on SD's case about keeping her room clean, but now, I only care if she has household stuff in her room. For instance, when she visited over the summer, her room was thrashed and she had two empty hampers in there, just taking up space and not being used. In the past, I might have just said to SO that she needs to clean her room, but, with reflection, I was of the mind to say to him that I don't really care what she does with HER things, but, if she is not using my hampers, she needs to give them back to me.
Another benefit is that it lets me see how SO handles these things. It reminds me of the way he is when SD is around, so, I can approach any issues that arise in an appropriate manner. It also gives me a gauge against which to measure SO's progress in improving his guilty disney dad ways. I might not always realize that he has improved until I look back on old entries and remember how he used to be.
"It also gives me a gauge
"It also gives me a gauge against which to measure SO's progress in improving his guilty disney dad ways. I might not always realize that he has improved until I look back on old entries and remember how he used to be."
^^yes^^^^ agree.
I have to mention to that even though I have a tendency to write more when my emotions are flying, I try hard to write during the good too. I gotta remember there is good too.
Oh, it's definitely good to
Oh, it's definitely good to make note of the good times, because they are equally important to remember!