Run Betty, run! }:) You sound like me at that age...darn, how I wish I would have run...

PS - I am a big advocate of not abandoning relationships and seeking options, I have done that for years with this mess...however, knowing what I know now, 14yrs your senior, and looking at myself when I started this mess, same age as you...and thinking, really, why didn't I run!?!

I have to tell you, men who get depressed like this, don't change! They just don't. Men who are lazy parents, don't change. Men who blame others for their mess, don't change. Imagine only if you take the chance to stay and he doesn't change and then you have a kid with the guy?

I'm so sorry. About your husband, is he receiving professional help? Are you receiving any help to deal with this?

I don't think anyone in these situations should be put last. There has to be a balance. He should definitely spend one on one time with each of his kids, but he needs to make date nights with you and you all need to do stuff together as a family as well. And he needs to make sure that his kids treat you with respect and obey you as an adult authority figure.

Do you love your Husband?

I am engaged to a man that I absolutely adore and he adores me too, his D5 is a different matter, I really do not like the way she behaves and resent her being in my home BUT I put on a smile and accept it as I know if I want my man (which I do) I have to accept her. Luckily we only have her every other weekend and he has her a few nights in the week after school for a few hours but I am not around then, I do my own thing.

Bottom line is I love my man BUT if I didn't or wasn't as 100% sure of him as I am then I would leave, it is bad enough tolerating his D5 at the best of times BUT if I wasn't happy with him I would have packed my bags and left months ago.

Do you love him enough?

Oh I'm so sorry you're going through this.

My SO is out of work right now and I hugely underestimated how this has affected him. He is depressed but not really self-aware enough to realize it. I asked the men of a relationship advice forum (I don't really have a forum for every aspect of my life, just these 2 lol) how much their ability to make a living tied into their emotional well-being. They 100% said it went beyond self-esteem and went to the very deepest core of who they are as a man. That alone is enough for your DH to be depressed, but if the chemical make-up of his brain tends toward depression anyway, he could be very sick right now.

I also suffer from depression so I do know how paralyzing it can also be, but it is also how I can recognize it in my SO. This is also how I know your DH needs to go to a doctor AND seek individual counseling. I wrestle every day with how much I don't want to be on medication, but I know I need to. I'm mentioning this because I completely understand how hard it is to accept medical treatment for this.

Your DH needs this, though, and I think it's OK to put it out there as an ultimatum. If I were in your shoes, it's the only way I would stay. In fact, it's an ultimatum I'm about to put out there to my own SO. This is also the best thing you could do for skids because it means they could have a healthy, functioning father. Then, in turn, if your DH were healthy and functioning, the other things like your attraction to him might come back.

I also know what you mean about being supported. I don't care about the financial part of it because I might always earn more than SO. I suspect that isn't it for you either. It's the whole feeling of not being taken care of- protected, emotionally supported, the fixing kind of stuff taken care of...stuff that takes care of you...I don't know if I can get this part into the right words. Maybe you get where I'm coming from though. But again, if your DH can get himself healthy and functioning, your needs can probably be met.

A couple last things, since it's so much easier to armchair quarterback someone else's life...I know it feels like lack of money is preventing things from getting better. It might be why your husband has not gotten help yet. If you research it enough, there is some program in your town, county, or state that your DH can get the medical help and counseling. I promise. I live in the smallest town in East Podunk and the resources are there if you work at finding it.

Same goes for tennis. I know the lessons or a club is probably optimal...but I'll bet you could pick up a couple games a week with some other moms or adults. For free. Getting out and moving, especially something that sounds like it has been important to you, will help you a lot. If your DH does get help/treatment, they are going to tell him the same thing.

As far as not being a priority. This will eat at you. It almost killed my relationship. Early on, my SO stated his kids were his number #1 priority. I have my own bio-kids, so that seemed entirely reasonable. But whereas I prioritize my kids' health and welfare, my SO's good intentions were being twisted into making SD's every little whim a priority. He thought he was being a good dad by caving in on every single thing. Talks with him weren't going well, at first, until I had been a member here long enough and read a couple books (most importantly Stepmonster) and could clearly put my feelings into words. Up until that time he was just jumping to conclusions that I didn't like his daughter or was jealous of her. Once I could clearly convey what I meant, he saw the light. Doesn't mean I didn't get really mad a couple times, including yelling at him that he was a 6-year-old's "bitch", but this is why it's easier to give someone else advice than it is to live it.

Whew...that turned into quite the ramble. Like I said...other people's problems are easier to solve

Best wishes whatever you decide to do...

Your H not having a job is probably the root cause of his problem, maybe if he gets a job he will be better and things will work out. I would give it say 6 months and if the situation hasn't improved then maybe then you need to decide if this is for you or not.

Your so young, don't waste your life, go and live it, be happy and free!!!