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For SMs who are BMs too

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 1:33am

Does having kids of your own help you to understand or hinder your understanding of BM? Do you think it helps you to understand her better regarding how she feels about the kids, or does it hinder how you feel about her? Does it increase your dislike for her? If so, why?

When I was pregnant, I remember thinking, "I'd never use my kid as a pawn against DH like BM does with SDs."

How does being a BM yourself impact your relationship with/thoughts of the skids' BM(s)?

Have the skids ever witnessed DH and BM (and possibly you as well) get into it with BM?

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Mon, 03/15/2010 - 1:33pm

I'm very grateful that I never had to endure this growing up, but unfortunately, my SDs did have to witness DH and BM get into a big dispute once when we were fighting for custody and DH was picking them up.

BM had been bashing the kids to DH for years and the kids had been horrible all weekend because of it. Looking back, it wasn't their fault. They were like that because they feared BM would punish them if they were not.

OT- if you haven't seen Alice in Wonderland, you really should!

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Wed, 03/10/2010 - 3:20pm

I took SD15 to see Alice in Wonderland (girls night out Smile ) and let me just say we both enjoyed it tremendously! My favorite character was, of course, the Mad Hatter Smile but I really liked all of the characters. I loved how it was in 3D and the Cheshire Cat was literally popping right out at us. I think Tim Burton is a genius.

An interesting online post by a SM

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Sat, 03/06/2010 - 12:57pm

Maybe the kid does have a point.

This woman is a SM and a SD. So she can see it from both perspectives.

I read this a few years ago, when things were really bad between the SDs and myself. It brought back a lot of memories from my childhood and my stepmother. This really helped me to put things in perspective, and better understand my stepkids. I thought I'd share it with you too.

http://www.steptogether.org/kidhaspoint.html

What/who do you really hate?

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Thu, 02/25/2010 - 10:30am

This is going to be long, so I apologize in advance!
I think that, so many times in life, we'll find ourselves in situations where we'll wonder, "how in the heck did it get this bad?" or "when will this end?" or "who's to blame here?"
I know that I have asked myself these questions to myself several times throughout my life, though I will say that I have asked myself those questions to myself more during my career as a SM than I have at any other time in my life.

Your expectations for BM- relating to the BMs/SMs rules for each other blog

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Sat, 02/13/2010 - 5:16pm

Reading everyone's responses to and making my own rules for that blog made me think of something.

What, if anything, do you expect of/from BM?

I really don't expect anything from BM anymore, except that she leave our family alone. She used to send the kids nasty messages via myspace and DH told her to cut it out. I'm done expecting her to be civil and adult-like towards me. I used to want her to feel grateful that her kids have a good SM, but not all dreams come true.

What are your expectations?

What would you say to a skid who says and thinks

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Wed, 02/10/2010 - 2:31pm

that their Dad doesn't care about them when they're at their mom's?

that their Dad makes no effort to contact them at BM's?

that their Dad is a "part-timer" and actually calls their Dad that to his face?

that Dad has a new family that we're not part of?

My SDs used to think this and it seems as though perhaps some of the other skids we blog about here do also. How do you handle it, and how does your partner handle it (I'm sure it hurts him a lot).

"Planned" children vs. "unplanned" children

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Thu, 01/28/2010 - 8:46pm

I know that a lot of us here have skids who weren't "mutually planned" by our DHs/SOs/FHs. In fact, my DH has told me in private that he feels BM went off the pill to get pregnant with SD13 after he told her he didn't want kids. In fact, this seems to happen a lot in Hollywood too. Tom Brady might feel that Bridget went off the pill deliberately. Whether she did or not, we'll never know. Hopefully though, he loves both of his children equally in his heart.

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