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Being/how to be a good adult SD. Please feel free to add to this.

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Mon, 05/23/2011 - 7:41pm

I am one, and have legally been one for 15 years.

I read about a lot of the adult SDs on here and I shake my head. I have empathy for the tough cards they've been dealt. Some of them have had bioparents who weren't always there for them. I have empathy for the tough cards anyone is dealt. However, getting dealt tough cards doesn't justify rude behavior and actions. Oprah had a tough childhood, and look how well she has done in her life.

SKs and BMs putting up a wall against us (the stepparents)

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Mon, 04/11/2011 - 12:43pm

In reading a lot of the blog entries here, and looking back on my own experience, I think skids tend to put up walls against the stepparents. I think they do it because, deep down, they feel some sort of insecurity about us. They may feel insecure about how much Dad loves them, how much happiness he gets from them, about having to share Dad with a new person and about the new stepparent in general.

My thoughts & opinions on step/blended families

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Sun, 03/20/2011 - 5:30pm

Which I've formulated over 25 years of being in them (first as a SD and now as a SM):

It's a miracle DH and I never got divorced.

Humans are the only species I know of that haveblended families. We're the species that deals with child support, kids splitting time between homes, different rules in different homes, and most importantly, stepparents.

Most species just have two parents: mom and dad. Even we as humans are wired to think of mom and dad as our only two parents. So when w stepparent comes along, its not natural.

some good tools to help combat PAS in kids and teens

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Thu, 03/03/2011 - 9:35am

Here are some good books and DVDs about PAS for kids and teens:

This is a program for kids and parents who are victims of alienation:

http://www.warshak.com/publications/resources-purchase.html

Welcome Back Pluto DVD:

http://www.warshak.com/alienation/pluto-dvd-2.

Books for kids:

http://www.warshak.com/resources/bookshelf/for-children.html

A note to crazy BMs

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Fri, 02/25/2011 - 5:41pm

You don't have to like us. You can hate us. You and DH obviously hate each other.

We don't like you, either. But we don't bash you or your partner to the kids. Why? Because a) as much as DH hates you he loves the kids so much more and b) both he and I are mature adults who have found ways to blow off our steam about you without the kids knowing.

If you could keep your hatred of us confined to ivillage, your support system of people and a therapist, your kids would be much better off.

A question for NCP dads and SMs:

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Submitted by Anon2009 on Wed, 02/02/2011 - 12:46pm

Why ask BM for the information regarding the kids? I ask this because it seems like more often than not, getting information from BM about the kids is like pulling teeth. If you give copies of the court order to the school, doctor, etc., they might be more likely to give you the information.

DH and I went through this with BM. She would not give us any information, and eventually we had to go to the school and doctor's and give them copies of the court order. They were very nice and we always got the information we needed without any hassles after that.

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