I think that many of us here can say that BMs are crappy parents, and our SOs/DHs weren't/aren't much better.

I think most of us can also say our stepkids are very angry people, and often misdirect their anger at us.

Sometimes I think we SPs do the same thing- hate on/feel anger toward the stepkids, when the reality is that even if they "know better," they are being very poorly parented and won't have any incentive to change unless mom and dad start calling the shots and changing how the game is played. And when I say "stepkids" I'm talking about kids under 18.

BM's actions of recent have had me thinking about what exactly I want from her, and how I might need to do more in the way of letting those wants go, because she'll never fulfill them.

http://www.rosemond.com/johns-columns/june-7-stepfamily-family/

How do you feel about this?

I want to say, SDs have known this for years, but this stuff always weighs down on kids hard and manifests itself differently in each kid. They are also coping much better with this and issues of abuse they've dealt with, because they've realized their dad will be there for them through thick and thin, and always love them very deeply no matter how badly they screw up. They also have a wonderful therapist, and I've become a lot closer with them too. It kills me to see them in pain like this.