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What do we want from our DHs, BMs and SKs

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Thu, 04/05/2012 - 2:03pm

BM's actions of recent have had me thinking about what exactly I want from her, and how I might need to do more in the way of letting those wants go, because she'll never fulfill them.

I want her to apologize to me for making fun of my miscarriage and what she told the girls about it. She told them that my baby was the spawn of Satan, and that God took him because He hates me. I really hated her for awhile over that. Now I just feel pity for her, that her life is of such a low quality that she has to resort to making fun of others to gain amusement for herself. But there is a part of me that still wants an apology. My solution so far has been to pray a lot about it, and exercise. So far, it seems to be helping, but it's still a process.

I want her to at least apologize to the girls for all she's put them through. If she decides she cannot be in their lives and be a good parent, that's ultimately her decision. But for her to apologize (and mean it) would be nice, and I know it would mean everything to them.

I want the girls to keep growing into beautiful people the world can be proud of.

I want DH to keep loving us and supporting all of us.

PS: Someone asked what BM's movie title would be in another blog. BM here doesn't have a movie title. She has a TV show title. It's called "To Catch A Predator," because many of the guys who she "caught" are predators who sexually abused SDs and other kids.

Comments

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Thu, 04/05/2012 - 2:41pm

I want BM to treat me with the same respect she wants to be treated with. I'd like us to be able to be CIVIL. Not friends, not "lets go have drinks", just CIVIL for the sake of HER children. I want her to stop calling my DH for stuff that she should be covering with the CS that he gives her. I want her to stop thinking that her 11 y/o daughter is her best friend and confidant and to start PARENTING the little girl so she has some semblance of hope of ever being a productive member of society. I want her to stop pretending that her son is the most important person in her life, because when he lived with her, he wasn't. So why is he now that he lives with us?
I want DH to stop feeling guilty every time he says NO to BM about something for SD. I want DH to take the blinders off and see that SD11 is NOT a goody two shoes and that she is just as manipulative & cunning as her mom. I want him to see where his daughter is heading. It ain't pretty.
I want my Skids to ONE day know what a crucial role I played in their lives. I want them to ONE day say "Thanks Unfreakingreal for being your nagging, crazy, controlling self, because we know you always had the best intentions at heart."
Maybe one day...

Mom2's picture

Submitted by Mom2 on Fri, 04/06/2012 - 8:41am

This is the SM with 4 BM’s.
BM1- I want nothing, she is great
BM2- I want her to stop trying to make DH feel guilty. With me, she tells me I am an awesome SM so I have no problems with her.
BM3- I want nothing- SHE IS AN ANGEL
BM4- I want her to stop alienating the kids. She is starting to with the grand kids. I want her to stop rewriting history, stop playing the Victim. (I am not the reason DH left, you are!) I want her to stop badmouthing me and DH to everyone who will listen.

SD1- I want her to realize that BM4 is using her to get to DH. I want her to realize that DH is DH and you can’t change him
SD2- See above
SS1- Nothing- He is the best Stepson ever. (He has even thanked me for taking care of his father)
SD3, SS2 SD4- I want them to realized the alienation and all the sh** that BM has caused.

DH- From him I want him to stay the same, he puts me 1st. He says “I am done raising my older kids, we have 2 younger ones. I am not going to make them suffer because they have issues because of BM4)"

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Thu, 04/05/2012 - 2:51pm

I just want her to accept the fact that she can't control me or my home.

She doesn't have to respect me because I will never respect her.

I don't care about her talking about me to the girls. When they slip up and repaet something she has said, DF and I both check them.

majka's picture

Submitted by majka on Thu, 04/05/2012 - 3:31pm

haha yes, this is me too.

BTW to the OP... I am so sorry for your miscarriage, I cannot imagine that pain, then the added pain from BM. No one deserves that. Continue to pray, and God will heal your pain.

Amazedstepmom's picture

Submitted by Amazedstepmom on Thu, 04/05/2012 - 3:37pm

To go back 11 years and wear a condom from DH
BM to get hit by a mack truck
and the kids the grow the hell up, treat others with respect and just be decent human beings.
I can dream right!

teristepmom's picture

Submitted by teristepmom on Thu, 04/05/2012 - 4:31pm

At this point - to be brutally frank - I want every single one of them to go away and leave me alone for at least a week. I have reached a breaking point and I can't take one.more.thing. happening. Not one - so help me God.

I texted FH today with something that was quite personal and he texted back with bullshit about taxes between him and BM - after he PROMISED me less than a week ago that he would let the attorneys handle anything not directly childcare related. And he is mad at me that I had the nerve to point out that YET AGAIN something important going on with ME is superceded by something fully expected and anticipated with BM.

I want nothing more than to not have to see any of their faces, hear their voices or be in their presence. Fuck Easter weekend, fuck going to his grandmother's, and FUCK HIM!!!

sorryilovemydogmore's picture

Submitted by sorryilovemydogmore on Thu, 04/05/2012 - 4:39pm

Been there. The only thing that pisses me off more is that now when I see FDH's number come up on my caller ID at work I instantly get that sick feeling like I do when ever I have to deal with whatshername because so many of his calls during the day have had to do with her crap. Work is the one place I can get away from the whole lot of them. Don't call me there to bring me back into the middle of it (as I type on this site about it, while at work.... I know, hypocrite much?).

teristepmom's picture

Submitted by teristepmom on Thu, 04/05/2012 - 4:47pm

And they always seem so damned surprised by the bullshit! Look Dumbass - you were married to her and theoretically know her better than I do. How is it that I can predict her actions but you are absolutely stunned time and time again? If I hear "give her the benefit of the doubt" or "taking the high road" one more time there may be violence......

sorryilovemydogmore's picture

Submitted by sorryilovemydogmore on Thu, 04/05/2012 - 4:51pm

He doesn't come out say "give her the benefit of the doubt" but it's usually a case of she actually behaves like a normal human being for a day or two, he lets his guard down (even though I warn him not to and gets mad at me for being quite skeptical) and then is surprised when she goes back to being a bitch. He will even admit that the better part of their marriage was like that - her Jekyll/Hyde routine, largely dependent on whether or not she was medicated. And they were married 20 years!!!!!!! But, he still thinks each time that "maybe she's changed."

teristepmom's picture

Submitted by teristepmom on Thu, 04/05/2012 - 5:02pm

FH and BM were together 20 - married 17 - and he STILL thinks "maybe she has changed' after one measly barely civil interaction! He does the same with the skids (teenagers) when they show even the slightest civility. I think he just can't deal with the fact that he put so much time in and they don't give a crap about him beyond his wallet.

But his endless pursuit of them is going to result in his losing ME - the person who actually loves HIM - because I am sick of being shunted to the side like a fucking leper every time anything comes up with them. 'Hi, FH - I have a crisis." "Hi Teri - guess what BM just did?" FUCK. THIS!!!!