It's funny to me that when people divorce and it's the woman who wanted the divorce or cheated or whatever, society comes up with thousands of excuses why the ex-husband should not be bad mouthing "the mother of his children" in public…nope, can't do that. You are a man and you should shut the hell up for the sake of the kids, blah, blah, blah…and they are ALWAYS told "get over it, move on, your ex is gone, stop bad mouthing the mother of your children". But, as soon as the OPPOSITE is true, then all bets are off. It is acceptable for a woman to bash the ex the rest of his life if he cheated, if he left her, etc…

I do NOT condone cheating, I have ZERO tolerance for it, never have done it…had a couple of girlfriends who once I found out they dated married men, I dumped them as girlfriends as I truly see no value in such a relationship and to me it says ALOT about a person.

But there is a HUGE difference between being angry and forever bad mouthing your ex ESPECIALLY when he has children or you have children together, that is where these women seem to think they can do whatever they want and the men just have to shut the hell up. I can ASSURE you that if the tables were turned with this LeAnne mess and it was the MAN talking shit about his ex-loser wife, the press and you and 99% of society and judges in family court would tear him a new one…and that is WRONG. These women or men need to GET OVER IT and stop their BS for THEIR CHILDREN"s sake.

PS My DH never cheated on crazy witch…on the other hand, I am almost certain she did seeing that she had a kid by the time they divorced and married the father the same day she divorced my DH. To me, if you are married, I don't' care if you are separated, you don't go out and screw anyone.

Bm cheated on dh. She claimed he wasn't giving her enough attention. Dh said he was unhappy in the marriage, they married young and because he was doing the right thing = step son was born when Bm was 17. Get the picture.

I wonder at times how BMs hubby would be okay with this. He knows she is a cheater, because he was her fling. How could you trust someone like this.

Because of this, dh is a stubborn man and will not cave into things. It took a long time for him to trust a female again

I have never understood cheating. And my own personal feelings is that I abhor it. I've never cheated and can honestly say I never will. I'm a firm believer that if I'm unhappy in my present situation, I'll get out of it instead of having something on the side.

I dated this guy once, he was OK, there was nothing serious about it. But something just didn't seem right... it's amazing what a rainy day and the internet can do for you if you're willing to dig. I found out he was married -- they just had 2 separate residences because of his job (his job was 150 miles away from his wife, so he had an apartment). When I found that out, I became physically ill. Not because I cared for the guy, but because in my head I had just unknowingly become a person I didn't want to be -- someone dating a married man.

Needless to say, I immediately kicked him to the curb. He kept trying to call, would show up at my work, and tried to tell me he was sorry but still wanted to see me. I wanted nothing to do with him and I just wanted him to leave me alone. I ended up threatening to call his wife (again -- amazing what the internet can reveal) and spilling the beans. I didn't want to be a trouble maker, that was the last thing I wanted to do but I hoped the threat of outing him would make him leave me alone.

I'm pretty sure he's one who will never stop.

I agree anon. I was really surprised by the whole tone of the other thread. The tone that the one who was cheated on just needs to get over it and that it must have been a bad marriage anyway. REALLY? How weird!

But I just assume that the women that feel that way are the ones who sleep with married men.

I was cheated on by my exH, as I stated in that other thread. I have mixed feelings about this, although after a few years, I'm not really mad about it anymore. I can see it from a variety of different viewpoints.
* He cheated because he was physically starved, I will admit that was my fault. I can't blame a man in his 30's for needing physical attention. He was a bit of an attention whore, but I think even a normal male would have been going a bit nuts by that point.
* He was physically starved for attention because our relationship was failing. I had been driven to the point of essentially ignoring him. I know this was both our faults, years of resentments, etc... will do that to a couple. By the end I was working two jobs and going to school full time, I almost never had to see him.
* Neither of us had the nerve to just pull the trigger and file for divorce, even though we were both miserable. Should he have ended the marriage before screwing around? Absolutely! Should I have ended it when I knew he was screwing around? Absolutely! Neither of us did for several years.
* Even if he had not ever strayed, our marriage was doomed, too many other incompatibilities. Maybe his cheating hurried the process along, I can't say for certain.
* I don't approve of what the other women did by any means, however, it is also not someone else's responsibility to make sure my husband behaved.
* Sometimes leaving a marriage is such a terrifying, daunting proposition that everyone involved is afraid to attempt it, thinking 'it could be worse', so they put up with it, until someone else comes along and shows them just how nice it is to feel appreciated, desired, etc... During the final months of my marriage, I met someone, we never had any physical relations until after I was divorced, I'm just not a cheater by nature, even if I hate the bastard. He gave me the courage I needed to do what needed to be done. It ultimately did not work out, but that's ok, it helped push me to do what I knew I needed to do.

Long story short? I don't use the broad "I wish all cheaters/'other' partners ill, or refuse to talk to one". Every situation is different, life is complicated. I do not condone continued infidelity in a marriage. That's the one thing I wish my ex had done, was have the courage to end it when he began to stray outside our marriage. I would have had much more respect for him.

I got accused of cheating by my ex-fiance who was actually the one cheating (with my AUNT - ewwwww!). We broke up four months before our wedding. Probably for the best because I don't think I was ready for marriage that young.

Next guy I was planning on breaking up with when I found out I was pregnant (I was on BC...and antibiotics). I stuck with him because of that. Even though he was verbally and emotionally abusive, would stay out all night with no explanation, lied and couldn't hold a job to save his life. The last straw for me was when he got thrown in jail. I didn't actually break up with him until he got out but I DID cheat on him in the meantime. I'm not proud of it at all. I knew it was wrong and did it anyway because I already knew it was over.

The third guy was a player. Cheated left and right. He was so hot, he had women practically throwing themselves at him. I was head over heels and got hurt again and again and again. But was stupid enough to stick around and hope he would change. He didn't. I finally moved on.

Met my DH, who had been cheated on left and right by BM. We both detest this behavior and have a firm agreement that if either one of us ever even gets tempted, we need to tell the other immediately so we can figure out why. Because as long as our marriage is heading in the right direction, we barely even notice anyone else. We also have an agreement that if either one of us ends up in a situation where we are going to cheat, we have to let the other one know. Oh, and he also knows that I would cut his penis off if we were married and he cheated. }:) I may be naive but I really don't see why it is so hard to break up with one person BEFORE doing the horizontal mambo with someone ELSE.

Like you said, you've made mistakes. I've made mistakes. Everyone has made mistakes. For us to judge that one mistake is greater than the other, when we aren't in the person's shoes or life, or the recipient of that mistake, is simply just another mistake.

I'm all about forgiveness. I'll forgive a mistake. That being said, I will not put up with a pattern of the same mistake, especially if I voice my boundaries of future repetitions of the mistake. It's simply not something I'm interested in.

I'm really starting to think and believe that we were not made to be monogamous. This is all jumbled theory in my head, but if we all thought about it, we are conditioned to believe that we should find the one for life, be in a monogamous marriage, and never cheat. What if we weren't conditioned to do so and went with our natural instincts? Think about it.

This is an important topic to me because I cannot understand cheating. If you are unhappy in a relationship, get out of it and THEN pursue this other person you are interested in.

DH cheated on BM, although he doesn't see it that way. Story: DH met BM at a bar, slept with her twice, was "breaking up" with her when she told him she was pregnant. SD was born, DH had a blood test (not DNA) done that confirmed SD "could" be his kid. DH married BM when SD was 6 months old. By the time SD was 2, the marriage was over. DH told BM he wasn't happy, BM suggested a divorce. At the time, DH had become friends with a woman he met at the bar (see a pattern here)? DH says he didn't sleep with this woman until after he separated from BM. However, they WERE still married so this IS still cheating.

I honestly think BM believed she was going to dangle the threat of a divorce in front of DH and he would come crawling back. Instead, he crawled into bed with the other woman. And he was so besotted by her (and the sex, BM gained 100 pounds while pregnant with SD and DH never really loved her, so he didn't like having sex with her and actively avoided it), he actually married that women once the divorce was final. As you can imagine, it didn't last.

So when DH told me this I asked why he cheated on BM. He said it was because he "thought" this other woman loved him. And I suppose she did, but they were only married like a year before she was gone. I told him if this other woman truly loved him, she would have waited until after the divorce was final to start sleeping with him.

Well I'll add my two sense on the topic.

There are two kinds of cheating. There is cheating as in having sex with someone outside of your relationship. It happens out of spontaneity, perhaps alcohol is involved and stupid decisions are made. This is despicable IMO. If you have any respect for your family or your marriage you should be able to have enough self control to keep it in your pants or to keep your legs closed just because someone flattered you.

The other kind of cheating is an affair. I can't even put into words my disgust with this kind of cheating. It isn't just about the sex, it's about the intentions behind that first flirtation, phone number, text message, meeting and the physical cheating itself. That person had several opportunities to make the right decision and ultimately and silently told their partner to eff off and continued with their own selfish agenda. What kind of person can lie to their spouse, kiss their kids goodnight and then go off and eff someone else under the pretense that they are "out with the girls/guys" or "working late" or whatever the story.

I didn't read the other thread yet, but IMO cheaters don't deserve forgiveness from the person that they cheated on. They pissed all over their family and now they want everyone to sit at the kid's baseball game or family night at school and be happy? Give me a break!

To be honest, I am not sure this is something I can *teach* my children.

As several others here posted above, I too was cheated on by my ex.

I couldn't believe it. Even when three different people, each having no relationship to the other brought it to my attention, I *STILL* could not believe it. I am one of the few (or many? I dunno) who wouldn't even dare cheat. I am just not wired that way. So because I do not see myself as a cheater (or even a potential cheater) I cannot envision the partner who I am in love with of doing the same thing.

And then there are those who say "Yes, Drac0, your ex cheated, but you pushed her into doing it". Really? How so? I don't remember invited my friend over to my house, ordering him to take off his clothes and then telling my wife to disrobe and then slamming them together so that his pillar and stones meet her love canal. :?

I'm really starting to think and believe that we were not made to be monogamous. We are conditioned to believe that we should find the one for life, be in a monogamous marriage, and never cheat. What if we weren't conditioned to do so and went with our natural instincts?

There is a lifestyle for that, it's called 'swinging' and both partners need to agree that that's the kind of relationship they are going to have.