Summer Vacation Blues
I don't know why I let this bother me, but it does and to let it go is easier said than done. My husband has his kids 50/50 and he is still required to pay child support which I think is completely unfair. When he divorced she wanted them to sell the house(which is a large single home)and both get townhouses, mind you, there are four kids. She was a cheating whore who knew exactly what she was doing and was taking advantage of his state of mind at the time which wasn't good, as all of his choices were being taken away from him. In the end he decided he was not uprooting his kids and was going to keep some stability in their lives and decided to buy her out. Now he pays her a shitload of money every week which includes the child support along with the portion she is owed for the house. That portion will eventually end, but right now things are extremely tight. I am all for why he did this and I love our house, it is great. But everytime I suggest we do something fun with the kids or go on vacation somewhere, he only sees dollar signs. Meanwhile, she is living high on the hog because even after the child support and the health benefits that he is required to pay, they come over and want new clothes,sporting equipment, money for all kinds of trips for school, scouts, etc. These kids are each in three different kinds of sports each year. And he pays for the stuff. Every year for our weeks vacation we go to St. Michaels, MD where friends of ours have a place so really the only cost is the food. I love it, I love our friends and it's cheap. Our friends kids are the same age as our guys so it works. Now the kids are going their separate directions and I suggest doing something else but we can't. The kids come back from the wknd with their mother and loserboy and we find out they are going to Hawaii this summer. Well I hope they enjoy the f'in vaction that their father just paid for. We both work fulltime so it's not like I am sitting at home planning all these things with his money. I don't want to feel like I am in competition with her either but I am just frustrated that she seems to have all this money for these great trips and we can't even go to the amusement park for the weekend. I just needed to get this off my chest. It probably sounds selfish and I should be happy I don't have some of the relationship issues the other steppers have with their step kids or that ours aren't on drugs or have bad attitudes.
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I understand where you are
I understand where you are coming from. My DH doesn't pay child support to BM, but then again, it's supposed to be 50/50 rotating physical custody and joint legal custody. In reality, SS is with us the vast majority of the year with him spending EOWE at BM's. Things were tight for us financially, he pays her alimony and per the divorce, pays for everything for SS. She quit her job and I guess is supported by her new hubby. I sometimes do find myself resentful especially when I see the alimony go out and we have extra costs at times for SS, above everything else we already pay for. And I don't want to compete with her either or the other household but it just seems that way, that everything we do, she and new hubby have to "do better". Ever since she met and married this guy (a little over a year ago), all they seem to care about is spending money o0n useless stuff and entertaining the kids 24/7.
DH is still paying alimony
DH is still paying alimony even though she is remarried? That's messed up.
I don't think you sound
I don't think you sound selfish at all. There is no scale when it comes to concerns or problems. If it bothers you, then it's valid. I understand how you feel, it's tough to scrape pennies when the ex is getting more than her fair share.
I hear ya. I have similar
I hear ya. I have similar resentments but my DH is CP and BM gets them EOWe and Thursdays. He doesn't pay her child support - anymore at least. But we still have to go to court and get ironed out the fact that he doesn't owe her anything anymore. His CS is still on the books accruing every month. We can't even file our taxes or she'll get the refund. She already filed the kids even though we've had custody of them for the last nearly 2 years now. Then she goes out and blows the money. Skids come home and talk about how they have this and that new stuff at her house and are going on such and such vacation. She bought a 10 yr old girl $200 boots which she will grow out of in a year. grrr. BM is also claiming the kids and getting food stamps for them. (Those two sentences together should be enough to make any taxpayer sick) This has been going on for too damn long. But the end is near and I'm so anxious to get things ironed out. We need a new roof. I have a frikkin' hole in my kitchen floor for christsakes that is just covered up by a board right now. Vacation??? pfff.
We gave her a peace offering, wave the "arrearages" and we won't go for retro child support if we even ask for CS which we had no intention of doing (which she got when she filed for child support). But her lawyer sent us a letter back, no, we'll take the $9,000 plus interest. Bullsh!t. She's gonna pay now and pay through the nose. She's going to know what it feels like to have that hanging over her head. She lived high on the hog for three plus years on 4 times what she's going to have pay DH in CS. Things might be a little rocky with her at first, but if she can still manage to squeeze an ounce of thought out of her two brain cells she'll simmer down and realize karma's a bitch.
But yes, it bothers me very much because there are so many places DH and I would like to the skids as a family. But who knows? Maybe this time next year, we'll be making reservations at disney world! *fingers crossed*
You have every right to be
You have every right to be upset. I think everyone deserves a vacation!! Have you ever thought of the 2 of you just going away since BM is taking the kids on a lavish trip?? Even if just a 4 day trip or something. I'm savvy when it comes to saving for trips. I do Flea Markets and save the money for vacation and you'd be surprised how much you can make. I save $10 a pay and that all adds up. Or instead of eating out, I save that money.
DH pays BM CS and it angers me how much he pays her b/c I know its not going to them b/c daycare is always behind, SS8 lunch fund is always in the negative. But DH and I do take a vacation with just him and I and then we take the kids on a smaller trip.
No way do you sound
No way do you sound selfish....I would be more than I little pissed off myself! My DH pays out the ass in CS too...I mean we are scraping by at the moment and it makes me so mad. Especially when I know where the CS is going...not the kids....ugh...
****I can do bad all by myself****