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I like lists and this helps me understand things

4ever's picture

Submitted by 4ever on Wed, 07/15/2015 - 7:02pm

ASSUMPTION
My husband and I will raise his daughter together when she's with us (she's here half the time.)

REALITY
My husband raises his daughter with his ex, even when their daughter is with us.

ASSUMPTION
My husband will communicate with his ex only when necessary in the business of taking care of their daughter for big items like school, medical care, etc.

REALITY
My husband and his ex communicate about every little thing when it comes to their daughter. She intrudes into his parenting time on a daily basis and he allows it.

ASSUMPTION
My husband will understand that I'm not comfortable having his ex in my life. He will create healthy boundaries with her.

REALITY
My husband chooses not to create healthy boundaries with his ex. The only way I can keep his ex out of my life is to disengage from his daughter.

ASSUMPTION
Every stepfamily is different and its a process with relationships changing and evolving.

REALITY.
I was Uberstepmom, now I'm my husbands wife.

Comments

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 07/15/2015 - 7:08pm

This is a great post.

Can you print this up and pass it out to all new SMs??

Every assumption is so true and every reality is heartbreaking but true.

TJH100911's picture

Submitted by TJH100911 on Wed, 07/15/2015 - 7:16pm

Describes my life right now. Glad to know someone else is in the same boat. I would also like to add my favorite phrase, "what would you do if they were ours together?", which is only generally said when it benefits his ex receiving free babysitting from me

EOWinparadise's picture

Submitted by EOWinparadise on Wed, 07/15/2015 - 7:20pm

This knocks the tint off those rose-colored glasses so many of us are wearing when we enter this life!

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Wed, 07/15/2015 - 8:51pm

Your DH is totally enmeshed with his ex to the point where he even tries to tell you to do what his ex orders. He's an ass. Sorry.

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Wed, 07/15/2015 - 10:48pm

Why on earth is your DH in so much contact with his ex? Does he still have feelings for her? Do they understand the word "divorce"? This really drives me crazy...if you're going to continue to act like you're still together..then for shit's sake..stay together and work on your marriage. No damn reason to treat your current partner/spouse like shit if you're going to stay enmeshed with your ex.

I agree with 'notasm3'. He is a total ass.

New_to_this's picture

Submitted by New_to_this on Fri, 07/17/2015 - 2:32am

This is a perfect description my first two years of being in my DH's life. He saw nothing wrong with his interactions with his ex until I pointed them out and told him that I would no longer live with it. It took three years for him to create healthy boundaries with his ex, but it is still a challenge, since she doesn't understand boundaries at all and he still gets caught up in the drama sometimes.