made myself upset
A few days ago I think someone posted a blog about what they may or may not have in common with the BM. Well I have nothing in common with the BM and dont care about her. The ex wife however is different. I looked at her FB. Yes yes yes I know I shouldn't have but I did and now I'm upset.
SO and I don't watch a lot of the same shows. No big deal but he likes to watch TV so sometimes I will sit with him and other times I wont. Well today I was looking at the ex wifes FB and I realized they have so much in common. I mean I guess they would have because they did get married. And I know that it shouldn't upset me but I can't help it. I hate knowing that she had him before. I hate that now I can picture her watching tv with him....
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I wonder that too. Did she
I wonder that too. Did she use to like the same things as him before she met him or did she start to like the things he likes...that is how it is with me. I know she holds on. She used to call my house and leave messages for him still calling herself his wife. She did everything to hurt me because she says I stole her husband when they were not even together for over 2 years when I met him. I really just hate her.
This is normal. My gf hates
This is normal. My gf hates anything that me and the ex was involved in or did. She wants a total new life with me. She is a total different person that I love. I understand how this must feel, but,you must make a new life for yourself. Never look back and make a totally new future with your other half. Don't compare, it will destroy you.
You sound enough like my SO
You sound enough like my SO that I thought you could be him....weird. LOL. Thanks for the reply.
Obviously the things your SO
Obviously the things your SO had in common with his ex didn't matter enough to keep them happy together. Look at the life you have with him that she'll never have with him! Think about all the moments & things you'll get to share with him that she'll never get to share with him! Everyone has a past. Me, DH, you, your SO...everyone here. Certainly, we've all had relationships with other people before the ones we're in now. Your SO has to deal with the fact that you've spent times & shared moments with people before he came along. Instead of thinking about her sitting next to him on the couch watching TV, go sit on the couch next to him & think about how good it feels to get to be the one there.
Thanks you bring up some
Thanks
you bring up some great points here. I guess they did not have enough in common to stay together. I know I can't wish he didnt have a past with her. One thing that is really hard for me is that the house I live in he bought with her. I however have lived there twice as long as she ever did...but still it seems everyday I am reminded of her exsistince. I hate it.
I dealt with the issue of
I dealt with the issue of living in DH's & BM's marital home too. I actually had dreams while we lived there about her living in the basement as a ghost, & always trying to insert herself between DH & I or me & skids.
I hated washing dishes in a sink she'd had her hands in. I hated taking a shower in a shower she'd been in. I hated EVERYTHING about that house. I hated her choice of wallpaper. I hated her choice of paint colors...all of them. LOL! I don't know that a fresh of paint in a color I chose would've taken those "ghosts" away.
Eventually we moved, & now I get to live in a house with DH that BM's never has (& never will) step foot in.
Thank you for saying that.
Thank you for saying that. Sometimes I feel sooo stupid for hating the color of the freaking wall. Put I painted it. I hated the couch...I got a new one. I hated the bed room... new carpet new bed new bed frame new paint new lamps new funriture EVERYTHING!!!! It is my bedroom...not it is my HOUSE!!! LOL.
This, exactly. I hear you;
This, exactly.
I hear you; it can suck. DH and BM don't have a whole ton in common, but the few similarities can make me a little shaky - then there are equally few things BM and I have in common and it makes me realize a couple similarities, especially in things like TV taste, don't make me want to go hang out with her, so I really doubt it's having that effect on DH.
Enjoy the things you do have in common with DH, and more importantly the things that make you compatible as a couple that clearly were not there for him and his ex, and make those count for more.
He and I are much more
He and I are much more compatiable for sure. We get along great and have fun. He tells me they never had fun. Either she went out or he went out but never together. His family tells me all the time you can see how much we love each other and that he and the ex never even held hands. So I know that we are sooo much better together and that he loves me....but why can't I shake this feeling?
It's always a little jarring
It's always a little jarring to get glimpses (real or imagined) into your SO's old life.
I'm also in the home DH had with BM (well, one of them) so I understand some of the weirdness there, too. It's normal to get shaken up - just keep reminding yourself of everything we've said and give yourself some time.
I understand what you are
I understand what you are saying. And I am guilty of peaking at a FB page or two }:) But this is what I say to that insecurity. They have ALL of that in common and STILL couldn't make it work. He loves you enough to be with you WITHOUT those things in common. Your common ground is the love you have for one another.
Hang on to that love 2young. You will learn that it is the differences in the two of you that make you a more well rounded person. It is one of the things that helps build character in people. To appreciate another person despite your different styles, tastes.. and sometimes ever beliefs.