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SD5 driving me absolutely nuts!

hanneyh1's picture

First thing that's driving me bonkers is that SD5 is getting to watch more tv each day than DH and I..... but when I change the channel and she starts whining, he just wants to give in and turn it back (not as often lately since he's been home all day with us the last few weeks), but basically she watches 2-3 hours in the am while she's eating breakfast and after that until lunch to keep her occupied while I do homework and other tasks. During lunch, it's on her channels too. I usually turn it off as soon as lunch is over so that she's not watching too much of it. But I don't even like her watching 2-3 hours a day. Then while we eat dinner, it's again on one of her channels. Then we keep it on for the next 2 hours until her bedtime (dinner at 6, bed at 8 ). I do usually change it to AFV or something at 7 so that we're not watching cartoons anymore. This is what I need help with. It's not my job, nor do I want to entertain her if the tv is not on. If it's not on she's constantly saying look at this, watch me, is this funny?... etc. I usually tell her to knock it off and let me be so I can get my stuff done. But no matter how many times I tell her to quit, or ignore her, she's constantly saying those things. After maybe an hour or two she will finally play by herself. This week I have had quite the challenge with the entertaining herself thing and have even denied the priviledge of going to the beach (a 1/4 mile away) each day because she couldn't leave me alone even for one hour. (this all goes for DH too). And I haven't played with her either since she won't do what she's told and leave us be while we're working on important things (mostly school work for the both of us).

Second issue is her acting at extremes. She acts like if we aren't watching her while she's playing that it's the end of the world and she won't actually have fun without the attention. I have explained multiple times that she doesn't need me or DH to watch her for her to have fun playing with her toys. And when she's not begging for attention and driving us up the wall, she's moping or whining about some thing or other. Or she's just being lethargic laying on the couch watching tv. I'm really getting fed up with her. I've just been trying to disengage and let DH handle her, but he usually just ignores her and the whining and begging for attention continue for an hour or two. I'm really tempted to just lock her up in her room the next time she whines at me or DH, but he will think it's unfair. And that may be, but it's also unfair of her to be begging and whining and demanding so much attention from us when I know she can entertain herself just fine (a couple months ago it was no problem to say "you need to entertain yourself until I'm done doing x or y"). It may all have something to do with her BM having twin daughters on the 13th of this month, but either way it's driving me bonkers. Plus she's been with us longer than usual (again) as BM dropped her off early last week so she could deal with the twins since one was still in the hospital at the time and she doesn't have a car or drivers license and having an "extra" to tote around is too hard for her. Whatever. I'm not opposed to having more time with her except when she's acting this way. She is either acting like a damn baby whining for things or demanding attention, or she's just zoned into the tv and won't even listen. UGH! So happy she's going back to BM's tomorrow night. I just hope BM won't give her back early again..... I really need a week's vacation at this point.

Did I mention that DH will never turn down getting her back early? He wants the leverage for any future attempt at gaining full custody (for the 3rd time) and also wouldn't say no because he fears SD5 will think it's because of her. Doesn't matter if I tell him that I would rather he tell BM that she either needs to drop her off early when we say she can (so SD can have time to settle back into our house and our rules and routines before bedtime), or she can just wait until the designated time. BM is basically still running our schedule even with a CO in place, because DH can't tell her that we won't take her, or even at minimum give her a time to show up instead of just asking her when she'll be over....

Comments

hanneyh1's picture

She does have playdates in the afternoons with the neighbor kids nearly every day. But it's a new development... she could occupy herself before. Just not now.

PracticingPatience's picture

I am having a very similar issue with my SD5. She won't play by herself; she has a roomful of toys that go unused. The only "activity" she will do alone is to watch TV. And even then, if there are commercials or it ends, she's telling me all about it. We are trying to limit her TV watching because she really needs the exercise. She has no interest in playing outside or being active. I find it so odd because I was the opposite as a child and no one in my family is like this. I'm sure she gets major attention at her Mom's house and is on one play date or another and never has to occupy herself. I'm kind of at my wits end with it. I feel like I should be able to figure this out. I'm going to try to set her up with an activity today - one that she can do on her own - to see how long it will last. Previously, we have just been telling her to go play or get a toy and bring it to the family room to play. Maybe setting up some crafts or something like that will help.

hanneyh1's picture

Oh, I've tried the craft thing before, but she always bugs me anyway asking for help with it even though it would be something she could do on her own.... But I hope it works for you!!! And SD will ask us "how was that funny?" (her way of asking "was that funny?") even during the shows.... I've just resorted to ignoring her, letting her figure out that if I thought it was funny, I would laugh. If I don't laugh, I didn't think it was funny. I've tried explaining this before but she still asks so now I just ignore her.