Need Input
Hi,
I am posting this because, I would like to know what are people's perspective on it. I will give a brief description of the situation so, everyone can opinionate. My boyfriend and I live in New York. My boyfriend has a daughter from a previous marriage. Basically, the last time my boyfriend and his ex were in court the Referee suggested any conversations pertaining to the child must be via email. My boyfriend has been complying with the suggestions even if it wasn't implemented on the court order because, he doesn't want to have any phone conversations or person to person conversations with his ex because, she has accused him of phone harrassment on two previous occassions which, he ended up at central booking and then was released b/c the District Attorney didn't find any wrong doing from my boyfriends behalf. The bottom line is that after these two incidents my boyfriend doesn't trust his ex anymore.
My boyfriend let's me read the emails sometimes so, I can see the nonsense his ex puts on email. Honestly, when I view it I am horrified at what she puts down because, apart from spelling errors, she can't even arrange a complete sentence so, sometimes you have to figure out what it is she is trying to express.
The biggest problem they have now is the phone conversations my boyfriend is suppose to be having with his daughter every weeknight. The ex uses every excuse in the book, she can think of to justify her decision to not have the daughter call my boyfriend which, to me is really sad. What bothers my boyfriend is that during his parenting times he has his daughter call the mother once during the weekend and during recesses he has the daughter call every other day and once during the weekend. What bothers my boyfriend is the fact that when the child is speaking to the mother, the child is being interrogated. I tell my boyfriend until his daughter expresses that the conversations between her mother and her bother her because, she is being questioned, he has to let the child speak to her mother because, at the end of the day wrong, right or indifferent the child wants to speak to her mother. Furthermore, I tell my boyfriend two wrongs don't make a right.
Does anyone have to communicate with the child's mother in the same way or in another way for their safety? What problems has anyone encountered? Share your story.
We have a very similar situation
We started communicating by email only, 5 years ago because of similar circumstances. Add to that, BM denies anything she said on the phone and makes up things that DH supposedly said, so now we have everything in writing and unbelievably, BM will still deny things and twists our words, terribly!
We have never been able to call kids because of BM's interference and eaves-dropping on the phone conversations (even though it's court-ordered for her not to do this). Anytime BM has talked to the kids while they are here, they are also interrogated. Otherwise, she just interrogates them when they come home.
Poor Kids!!
"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN"
My brother is going through
My brother is going through this right now with his ex. They fight constantly over phone call contact. Bm wants to be able to talk to her kid every day when he's with my brother. But my brother wants it limited because every time she talks to her son she gets him all worked up and upset. She manipulates him big time and questions him. I told my brother basically the same thing...two wrongs don't make a right. That he needs to let his son call his mom when he wants to (unless he's using it as an excuse to get out of doing something), and then stay out of it. I know that is hard, but it only keeps the pot stirred if bm can see that he is not letting her son talk to him when he wants to. THey are mediating this issue right now, and the court mediator suggested 2 phone calls per week as the minimum. I think that sounds about right. I thikn its great when contact is via email because you have an exact record of what was said. When my brother's ex talks to him on the phone, he stops her and says, "send me an email." He won't even talk to her. He has all kinds of stuff she's written that makes her look like a major ass!
Same boat here - of course
Same boat here - of course we can't talk to the girls without her first being on speaker phone - we then asked that she not do that so that my DH can hear what the 7 and 3 yo are saying. Ok fine, so she decides now to pick the damn phone up every few minutes to talk to my DH - we didn't even get to speak to the 3 yo on her birthday yesterday because why...she picked up the phone to say - hey she's tired, shes watching tv, then this is what we did today, etc. I DONT GIVE A DAMN! My DH wants to talk to his girls. Since he started questioning her on things she has gotten more aggressive with it. (Like not taking the oldest to the doctor, etc)