I'm Pissed, no scratch that, I'm beyond pissed
For my MySpace friends, this will not be posted there, it's best left here, but you can message me on their if you want more details.
An issue cropped up last Thursday that sealed my husband's and his kids fate. I had to work, he had to go out of town for a one day job, so all three kids were in daycare. DHS shows up at my house the next day. Needless to say, we are trying to figure out what the hell is going on. I was on my lunch break talking to Sir Dumb A** at the time the lady pulled up to my house. She proceeds to tell SDA that she received a complaint stating that SDA kicked SS8 in the head. ?!? So SDA calls SS8 into the room and asks him why he would say something like that and he says "Because you did daddy". SDA has a fit and says why are you lying on me? SS8 turns around and tells him because he won't give him what ever it is that he wants. The DHS lady told him that he isn't going to get what he wants, laughed at him and left.
Turns out that SS8 went to daycare and told them that SDA kicked him in the head. Normally I would understand that daycare had to call DHS, except that daycare knows my kids, knows the stories they tell and knows we would never abuse those kids, knows that we have had so many issues with them and knows that we do our best. I still wouldn't have pissed, but the daycare didn't even tell us what was said, or that they were obligated to call DHS. I still wouldn't have been so pissed had I not heard, with my own ears, the daycare very daycare owner that called on us, tell other parents that their kids said they were beat, with bruises and they just wanted to let them know what their kids said and not to worry, they wouldn't be calling DHS.
So I get home, after finding all this out on my cell, only to find out that the DHS lady went to the daycare, where my BS was at the time, to "see" him. WTF?!? Don't violate my child b/c his decides to lie. I pull my BS out of daycare, tell the workers to tell the owner that if she so much as looks in the SK's direction at school, I will personally press charges. (She works at the same school they go to as well).
When we get home, I tell SDA that SS8 has to go, that he can't stay in my house, getting my child violated and my other SK who is really beginning to shape up, violated as well. He says no so I tell him that he and SS have to go then. He just gets up and happily starts packing his crap. Fine, good, it's about time! But not really, I go in and tell him it's bulls**t that he is going to let a lying, manipulative child destroy his marriage and make him walk away from the only child he's known from birth. He says a bunch a crap that pisses me off before finally saying that he doesn't want to leave, he just doesn't have a place to SS8.
We are in the process of punishing SS8, in a long and drawn out way. He told SDA later that night that he didn't care if anyone died, as long as he got what he wanted, he was happy. Nice. Sooooo, I'm pissed at SDA for so easily getting up and packing, pissed at the daycare for being so malicious and pissed at SS8 for the lies he told!
Sorry, but that felt great to type all that! Anyone have any idea's for punishment for a child who think everyone is beneath him? Keep in mind that this is not the first time!!!!
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got any critters
My kids hate picking up poop - dog or cat. This is one of our punishments. Some of my mom's good one's were scrubbing out trash cans, scrubbing floors with a toothbrush - don't forget the corners, and being grounded to our room - no TV, phone, video games, etc., picking weeds by hand in the yard or garden, sorting the pile of socks that don't have a mate, scrubbing out litter box. Make him listen to music he hates - like opera. My kids consider having to watch PDA (between me adn BF)a punishment. I come from a huge family (19 kids) so my mom got pretty creative with her punishments. I wish I could call her for some more but we lost her a couple of years ago.
I hope some of this helps.
That's great!
I've done the poop, the grounding and the weeds and cat box, but I like the music, the trash cans and the floors! The music really made me laugh! I love that idea!
Right now he has to take care of everyone's needs before he can take care of his own! He has to do all the chores ( a total of 6, each has 3) and keep his head below everyone else's in the house, which isn't easy b/c we have a 20 month old!
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
What a little beast!!
Geez L&T...I would think you must be livid!! If I ever found out SS told lies about us to get what he wanted he wouldn't be coming back here for sometime I'd think.
My own son picks up dog crap everyday as a chore...so that wouldn't be a punishment to him, but take away that PC and boy does that make them pull their head out of their you know what!!
I would just treat him with no trust and no lead. Teach him that while he tells lies he has no freedom, no treats and no trust. He will now have to earn all that back. I am sorry you had to go through this, I can think of nothing worse than being accused of child abuse when you have done nothing but love them..bloody kids, they do the stupidest things sometimes
Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*
Hi Catch!
thank you for the support, after reading all the responses, I will be implementing a few more. I want him miserable. I want him to know how well he did have it. Unfortunetly, I am the custodial SM so I can't really kick the little brat out. The BM has nothing to do with them anymore, but the behavior is learned! Crazy, I tell ya!
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
Hey, Cru
I thought about something else besides the goodwil, every season, ibuy the kids new clothes, but this summer, I'm going to take his pant and cut them into shorts, no new clothes for him, but his brothers will get new things! I do the oatmeal every night, every single night and he hates it because I'm the type of person that fixes what kids like. While his brothers are feastin on meatloaf, homemade chicken strips and the like, he eats oatmeal!
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
I would
I would make him volunteer at a soup kitchen or shelter for kids. Of course, someone has to go with him, BUT it would be good for him to see where he would have ended up if the DHS worker had believed him. It's a good teaching moment. I would also do the counseling thing. I don't know your story, but obviously this kid has a reason for doing this, especially since you said that he has done it before. Maybe a psychological evaluation would help.
During all my crap w/SD16, at one point, I took EVERYTHING out of her room and she stayed in a room with a mattress on the floor and empty furniture and 4 walls for 2 wks. She finally decided it was better to follow our rules instead of following her own stubborn mind. It worked for a while.
Good Luck
Hi Robinson
This boy has been in counseling for 3 years. He's had a psych eval, nothing wrong. He shares a room with his older brother, but the electronics are off limits. I have taken his clothes and he can wear what I pick out for him daily.
I swear, it's like there is no getting through to this kid!!
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
sounds like to me
that you have it all under control.
if this doesnt scare him straight send him to military school!!
LOL
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
I have a feeling I'll be going through this soon also
FSS seems to think if he says things like "I stuck his head in a toilet" he'll get me in trouble. Let CPS come on over, I'll let them know EVERYTHING else that his BM does and how spoiled he is. Don't let this kid bring you down! It's complete bullcrap what these spoiled brats can get away with today. If FSS continues to lie, he's not welcome here anymore, even my fiancee agreed with that, especially when the lies are hurting others and can get them in trouble.
Hi Six
I wish SDA would see it that way too, but he won't. The kid can ruin any life he wants and SDA will let him.
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
I understand that side too..
BM, and all the grandparents involved use the "poor child from divorce" card for FSS...so they think he should get away with all the lies he's told that could harm others...they simply don't care..Fiancee has finally realized I'll pack my crap and leave if he doesn't change SOON! I told him if changes aren't made in the next couple weekends with his son he won't be welcome here until he can quit telling untrue stories to people..
That little Sh*t!
Skids and BM turned me in for child abuse once after SKid kicked the bed leaving a NASTY! bruise. It took 2 months for the investigation before they finally decided I didn't do anything!! FCS called and interviewed people I work with, relatives, friends, and my exboss from when I was a school bus driver. It's been three years since then and the kid still blaims me!!
She said "you spanked me" Yeah I spanked her all right! that little shit was cursing me and throwing large objects at my head. My DH was standing right there and said spank her, that she needed to learn to mind. I layed her across the bed and with a open hand I popped her butt twice through JEANS! She got up pissed and hauled off and kicked the bed while trying to kick me!
As for punishment in our house, here's a short list:
1. Pick up 100 pinecones (we only have 5 pinetrees on 7 acres)
2. No electronics (computer, TV, phone, radio, xbox, playstation, nintendo)
3. Extra chore for a week
4. cleaning up dog poop
5. walking the driveway; 10 loops (it's a lllooonngggg driveway up a steap hill)
6. writing sentences (really long sentences, usually around 200 to 500 0f them)
7. copying chapters out of the Bible
8. Trash detail (walking the neighborhood and picking up litter everyday for a week, neighbors love this one)
9. standing on a phonebook in the middle of the floor for 30 minutes (no sitting, bending, talking, nothing, they REALLY hate this one)
10. my husband spanks them and they get another punishment off the list also
Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns
I like
Your ideas. I'll have to implement some of them. I like 1, 7, 8 and 9. We've done 2, 3, 4, 6 and 10 to no avail. Our Driveway isn't that long just yet, it will be pretty long, but that's another story. Oh! I could have him filling up the holes the dogs dig!
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
I forgot my three favorites!
The girls hate this one!
If they are being disrespectful, they have to write the definition for respect five times or until I give in. *note* it has 20 definitions
If screaming and fighting they have to write the defintion for quiet five times *note* it has 24 definitions
And if fighting with each other they have to stand in the middle of the livingroom with their foreheads touching and arms around each other for 15 minutes. If they pull apart the clock adds another 5 minutes. We sometimes put a peice a paper between the heads to make sure they don't pull apart. (pull apart and it drops)
Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns
Yikes....
Your SS8 is out of control.
I'm not a corporal punishment type of girl. But I do believe in punishments that fit the crime. If he lied about DH , DH really needs to be the one that insures that SS8 understands how wrong this is. He needs to relay to him how hurt he is and what the ramifications would have been if people would have believed his lies.
Little liars need to be called out everytime and they need to feel the burning embarassment turn their little faces red. I say that your SS needs to personally go up to the daycare providers and apologize for the lie he told. He needs to feel guilty.
Also, I have a "Young Marines" chapter in my town that is pretty inexpensive. Maybe check out the website and see if this would help? Maybe there is one located near you? My BS12 is also very spoiled and a bit on the lazy side so he's signed up for this summer. I think it's a great program and a great outlet for those not so disciplined little devils.
http://www.youngmarines.com/
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
Hi CG
I'm not big on Corporal punishment either, only as a last resort. With these boys, it's usually the only resort. SDA is gone a week at a time, so it falls to me to do the discipline. What's sad is that I only punish for bad things, not b/c they forgot to put a sock in the clothes hamper, but SDA punishes for a ton of things then leaves it to me to continue when he's gone. I'm going to check out that web site!
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
Hey stranger
Hey girl! You know I have no advice for ya because we are floating in the same boat. I have some thoughts, but Child Services has already paid you a visit, so we dont want to make that happen again!! hahaha.... Just know that if you need anything, you know where to find me. The kid does it for attention and probably wont let up. I think sometimes I wish DH would pack up and leave with SD but I know that isnt solving anything, except allowing the child to win. Have you considered some sort of boot camp for SS? I know your story too well and this child is hurting you and your entire family so much. Honey, you could lose all those kiddos because of his lies.
Anyway, like I said, not sure what to recommend.Cant be the pot calling the kettle black... Just know I love ya and you can call me anytime!! Hugs
Another good punishment is
Another good punishment is to have him cut the lawn no shorter than 2 inches with a pair of scissors, don't forget to give him a ruler for measuring the grass as he is cutting. I used to do this one with my 3 sons when they did something really bad.
Grammy
I dont think even that would solve laughter's problem with that kiddo... although it would be pleasurable to watch him with the ruler!
"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."
Oh goingcrazy, you are so right
It would be real pleasurable! I may do it for that reason!
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
What he needs is to learn is
What he needs is to learn is compassion. Obviously if he picked up on the BM's traits like this and she is out of the picture he was never given any compassion until he got to your house. Why is he trying to sabatogue it? Who knows... anger at you for giving him something his mother refused to... not wanting to rely on something and have it taken away... confusion on how to appropriately express his anger. Maybe you could contact the local pound, have him take care of dogs that have truely been beaten. See how eagerly they respond to just a little niceness. He can learn compassion by giving it to a wounded doggie and the doggie in return will shower him with affection. If he goes in with the wrong attitude the animal will feel it and will react accordingly. Cleaning dog runs is yucky, but it will serve a purpose.
Tina
What a wonderful idea. I like that. As a matter of fact, I'm calling the pound as soon as I post this!
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
Keep us posted!!! I hope he
Keep us posted!!! I hope he finds out it is okay to be loved and to love in return. What he did was wrong on soooo many levels, but at his age he is not capable of understanding the reprocussions of what he did. He learned behavior to do whatever to get what he wants. It is going to take time, energy, patience and love to unteach this mentality. Start small, give him power over his choices as he earns responsiblity and pride in his accomplishments. As his confidence and compassion in himself grows he will be less likely to resort to the extreeme measures to get what he wants... or understand that he can't always have what he wants... or find the pride in working for what you want. He is about four years behind in dicipline and at age level with manipulation. It will take time, please don't give up on him... his biomomma already has.