Not looking forward to tomorrow
Its bad enough that I wont get any recognition tomorrow (from FDH); no FDH's kids are not mine, but when they are here I am their caregiver and I bust my ass at it, but I also dread going to my mothers house. My mother loves me and I love her but the women drives me up the damn wall. She is so controlling and everytime I see her she has to bitch and complain about something or bring up my dead beat brother and how much stress she is under because of it. Long story short, I have busted my ass with school, always working since I have been 16 years old and living on my own since I was 17. I actually graduate with my bachelors degree in 4 weeks. However EVERYTHING is always about my brother. He is a heroin addict with 4 kids (all different mothers) who has threatened to cut me several times. He also has broken into and threatened my mother several times. She always lets him back in her home and when she does, I have to listen to the bitching and complaining about him despite the fact I tell her I dont want to hear anything about him. I REALLY do not want to go over there tomorrow but I will be the horrible daughter if I dont. She has made so many comments recently that has really pissed me off about my dad (they are divorced) and a few other things.
No matter how much she pisses me off, I am always worried about hurting other peoples feelings. Why cant I be the bitch I need to be?! I HATE MOTHERS DAY!
I'd go by with a card and
I'd go by with a card and gift, very briefly, and have a friend call you with some plausible reason for you to leave at a given time. It really sucks that your brother gets all the attention but, in a sense, he's much more needy than you are and she's never going to stop trying to control him, with NO success unfortunately. She's probably secure with you that you are on your feet, doing what's right and she might look up to you as a source of support...I know...it can drive you up the wall but in short bursts I believe you have the strength of character to deal with it all.
Sons are often the favorite.
Sons are often the favorite. I've a cousin who literally drove his mother broke (she has Social Security but all savings and all real property are gone) while promising her he would take care of her in her old age. (Just loan me the money so I can build the house I'm going to take care of you in Ma).
Guess who's taking care of her. Yep - daughter and her husband.
I think you should go tomorrow and when she starts in tell her you don't want to hear about it and when it continues just leave. Ditto next time for three times in a row then its divorce time. You see sometimes you have to divorce your relatives - parents - children - etc.
When she realizes she can't wipe her feet on your anymore she may - note the word 'may' - quit and you can result visits.
I will end up there I am
I will end up there I am sure. I am going to use my final paper as an excuse to leave. Its an honest excuse to be honest. These last few weeks of school have been so busy and hectic. I am going to stop for flowers and cards and order lunch for us while I am over there. I think she needs my brother as much as he needs her. She really does need someone to control. It just hurts sometimes when I am excited about finishing school or wanna talk about my wedding and I call to tell her she is already in a bad mood and changes the subject and complains about him. I have worked really hard for what I am earning this year and all she can focus on is him. Its always been like that though.
Please go to your mom's
Please go to your mom's anyway.
My mom died on March 7th of this year. I wasn't there. We weren't close. She was a terrible mother. She gave me away when I was 15 and I was adopted by an aunt. My mom spent the rest of her life drinking, doing drugs, and man hopping...pretty much the same way she spent my childhood, all except the first 7 or 8 years of my life.
After she died, family called me from all over to ask why I wasn't there, and I told them. One person after the other told me all about my mom when she was young, when she was a kid, before she married her first husband, and then my dad, before she sank into the Swamp of Sadness that they didn't have a name for back then...we now know it as Bipolar Disorder, Addiction, Depression...she had been that way for so long, I had almost forgotten what she was like when the sun shone out of her face every time she smiled. It's no wonder everyone who ever knew her fell in love with her. That must have been quite a burden in its own way.
Even if your mom is a real pill...please think of one time when she wasn't, and just hold on to that long enough to show her how much she means to you. Worst case scenario, you end up irritated and feeling like you wasted part of your day. It'll be nothing compared to feeling like a monster later in life for not doing it when you had the chance, and you never know when you won't have another chance.
Well I am not going now. I
Well I am not going now. I called her earlier to ask what time I should come over and what she would like me to bring for lunch. My response was "well your brother is back here again and he is having a rough time so thank you for the thought but he has no place to go". Hmmmm.. ok. How about back to the drug house he has been at for the past few months? I wont go over there when he is there. Why would I want to be around someone who threatened my life, has a history of gluing the locks on people's cars, scratching words into their paint and has nothing better to do but make comments about how hard his life is and how it is everyone else's fault but his own. I hope she has a wonderful mothers day with her Piece of shit, heroin addicted, prize winning son. All I know is she better not call me again crying and asking me and my fiancee to come change her locks when she kicks him out and he threatens to burn her house down while she is in it.
I can see that your Mother
I can see that your Mother would need to vent about this, but she isn't doing it in the right way and not to the right person, she should'nt let him back in the house again, he needs to reach rock bottom and if she keeps helping him it won't happen, Im not suprised you are tired of this poisen, have you told her that you are sick of it? Does she speak this way in front of the kids, please don't want to be a bitch, you don't need to be to stick up for yourself, why don't you tell a white lie and say you have food poisening effecting both ends, she won't want you come round then? Your Mum does need a reality check, perhaps she should concentrate more on the good in her life ie you and your achievements, you need to tell her how you feel, I think she has got herself into an ever decreasing circle of bitterness.
I have tried to talk to her.
I have tried to talk to her. I have already started to and she got mad saying I am wrong for pushing my brother out of my life. She also gets mad when I tell her I dont want to talk about him because it just leads to us fighting about it. She was annoyed that I dont intend on inviting him to my wedding,... REALLY!! SHe is one of those people that she is right about anything and everything. So it is really pointless to even try talking to her about it anymore. She is set on the fact that his problems started when he got on drugs. Truth is he has ALWAYS been a sick twisted person. He sexually abused me when I was younger and I have not been able to tell her that yet because I dont want her to blame herself. He would strangle me, spray cleaner in my eyes... I spent my childhood hiding in my room from him. When I started to tell her all this, she interrupted me and said "thats just all normal fighting between brothers and sisters". SO I didnt bother going into everything. I told her happy monthers day and that I loved her but I am not going over there. I will not be around him, it brings back too many memories. I told her I had a paper I had to finish for class.
Im so sorry I really feel for
Im so sorry I really feel for you, I would'nt have someone like that in my life either, perhaps she feels that because he has so many problems he needs the most attention, in doing that she is in danger of losing the person who has done good, he sounds like scum to me, I've known people who lose their lives to drugs, after what he did to you he should be castrated, in no way is any of this behavior "normal" and I think that drugs or no drugs he would still be a shit, as you say that you have tried to talk to your Mother and she won't listen, perhaps its time to reduce the time you spend with her, if she dos'nt like it then thats tough, you've had enough to deal with in your life, time to just think about yourself and your little family. I wish you the best.