FDH finally got some kind of "real" response from FSD16 about what's upsetting her so badly. It still doesn't make sense to me but I have to acknowledge her fears. This would be long so I am going to sum it up a little about what led finally to the phone call Wednesday night they had as well as bring you all up to date.

1. I sent an email to FDH's parents and a text to his brother and wife all whom I usually get along with wonderfully only to inform them that an incident happened with the sk's on Sunday, they requested FDH leave, etc. VERY bare bones. I explained that my kids and I would be bowing out then of any family events, celebrations, holidays, etc then until a resolution between us and sk's are reached. FMIL gets all upset and starts calling FDH and FSD16 about it all then sends two response emails, one to me and one to FDH. She likes to sugar coat things, they didn't mean it, they're just children, poor babies, their father never listens, etc. Email to FDH ripped him up for telling me what his kids said and basically treated him like an idiot. I have dealt with her treatment of FDH before like this and it annoyed me. So I sent back a second email, very calm, very rational, explained how I deserved to know (sorry to you who don't agree)and perhaps it would be best to examine not what the kids SAID but how they have been ACTING. In addition I explained how it upset me how she talks to her son.

2. Due to my IPhone's lovely automated email address population, I unintentionally sent it to FSD16 instead of FMIL. Yeah, WHOOPS. I never called the kids names or was rude. I simply explained what I had SEEN with my own eyes. I stand by my email and frankly, I don't care FSD saw it. My FDH read it and had zero problem with it. In fact he was very complimentary of how calm and rational I was. I was not cruel or nasty or mean. I called out BEHAVIOR.

3. Found out from future SIL who was at future MIL/FIL's that email had been sent in error to FSD when FSD called over there in a fit. There was a misunderstanding between my FDH and I when I informed him of my blunder and he made some statements like "Well it's over now" and "There's no coming back from this" that I took to mean concerning US. I had a total and complete nervous breakdown. I got my ring and handed it back. I was hysterically sobbing to the point I could just clutch my shoulders and rock on the floor in fetal position. Just collapsed. Took me like 15 minutes for him to calm me down and say there was no way he wanted ring back. Found out later what he meant. He thought I broke down because FSD texted me or something.

4. He called FSD, she wouldn't talk supposedly due to homework. Then suddenly about an hour later she called back and was going off. I wondered why suddenly she was willing to talk but now I know that my BD14 heard me during my breakdown (as did her older bro and younger sis) and lost it. She also assumed like FDH that the FSD had said something directly to me so she sent a long "FU" text basically to FDH. She was very angry and honestly, this girl deserved to blow off steam. Her siblings 100% supported her. All 3 bios have stayed out of it for over a year. She simply snapped.

Anyway, FSD16 and FDH finally got somewhere at least in knowing what FSD and her brother are thinking. (Oh and dinner that night for visitation between FDH and FSS12 was a bust - kid claimed he never really liked me and has been acting. For 5 years? uh, ok. FSD was at vball practice. He also admitted that ta-da! There IS someone whispering in their ears: BM's sister's family who have never met me and my kids and haven't talked to FDH since 2008. Just awesome.)

* I am going to steal FDH
* He spends all his money on me
* He does more with my kids than them
* He should move out and buy a house
* House should be as close to them as possible
* Admits she started hating me once he proposed (June 2013)
* Resents that my kids stay in their rooms all weekend (???)
* Resents that my youngest biokid BD8 clings to me and "climbs up [my] ass"
* Cant let go of old house being sold years ago
* WANTS TO GO BACK TO THE TIME BEFORE HOUSE WAS SOLD WHEN FDH, FSD16 AND FSS12 JUST LIVED THERE BY THEMSELVES EVERY OTHER WEEK (FDH and BM for about a year or so switched off weeks in house w kids due to divorce proceedings and attempts at short sale. FSD20 was there a while then moved in with BM and her bf because she was PAS'd against FDH by BM)
* Wants ME gone but hadn't said a word about my kids
* Cant understand why my middle daughter sent that text
* FDH cant make her come for visitation if she doesn't want to
* Read email but was unable to refute or deny ANYTHING I put it in

Yeah pretty much all of it is inaccurate or twisted. FDH responded that: she and her bro will come in back of a squad car to enforce visitation if he has to, ZERO has changed since we got engaged, it's his money and he'll spend it anyway he pleases and on who (which is very amusing since I shop at Goodwill and we pretty much split most of our entertainment costs and vacations 50/50), what the hell does she care what my kids do since if they are in their rooms or bugging me THEY AREN'T WITH HIM OR TAKING UP HIS TIME, spends nothing on my kids except bdays and Christmas, you cant separate Situational and her kids cuz package deal, he tried for months and months not only to save original marriage for the family but even told BM to go ahead and move to TX when she threatened to but he'd demand full custodial guardianship then, tried his best to keep house but couldn't afford it and had to short sale, we'd told the kids they were welcome to move in with us if they were positive they wanted to, Situational purposely disengaged back in Jan after blow up with BM, and name one thing other than a car that either she or her siblings have asked for that he hasn't tried to make work for them (sports, trips, etc). He reassured her how much he loved them all and how much I did too. Of course she doesn't want my love but he told her these are groundless fears and there's nothing that I or my kids have done to cause such hysteria. He offered to go to counselling with her (older sis had therapist for a while after suicide threat in high school) but she declined.

And by the way, I realized what problem was with that "promise" made about breaking up if kids didn't get along, etc. We told the kids WE ADULTS MADE THAT PROMISE TO EACH OTHER. I never once sat down and told those kids (nor did FDH) that they had the power to dissolve anything. I apologize for not being clear. That was my fault in posting. FDH was discussing that with me last night. He was like "Wait, did you tell your kids that? Cuz I never did directly." I was like, hang on...

FSS called FDH last night (Thurs) and apparently had just found out about BD14's text. He got all pissy and went off. He even threatened his father physically over other stuff, not the text. Ridiculous. What I find odd is why didn't he or his sister (she was only one directly texted), just tell my kid to stuff herself? You'd think they would. Also he and sissy are embarrassed their grandparents and uncle/aunt know. Why???? If your dad abruptly leaves his fiancé who everyone likes and are planning a wedding for next summer, uh, don't ya think people are gonna get alarmed and ask WHY? If you're so right and I'm such a monster, who cares who knows? Wouldn't that be more support for you from your family? FSS also couldn't explain what he felt was inaccurate or wrong in my email. Neither kid could.

I have faith. God has always, ALWAYS had my back. I'm gonna totally disengage and keep my kids away from them for a while. My FDH have had very long soul searching talks. Neither of us want to live without the other. He is committed to making our life work and he is going to do his best to help his kids allay their fears but in the end this is HIS life and mine.