Not Step related... but could be. Indulgent parenting
I have to vent a little bit about a situation with one of my DH's relatives.
He has a cousin that has a son who has been in nothing but trouble since he was a young child. Kid was pretty much raised by her only as the father was not really a great person (beat her and is an alcoholic). She did have lots of help financially and family support from her dad, her brothers etc.. so the boy has always had several men in his life to serve as role models.
Of course, the kid has been in trouble ranging from drinking to drugs to violence to robbery to driving violations. Most recently he assaulted a police officer while trying to flee because had heroin. Yeah, he has been on heroin, crack, pot, alcohol and who knows what else! He is in his early 20's but has been racking up charges and lawyer bills as long as we can remember.
Well.. he JUST got out of jail the other day. Just in time for mother's day. So, his mom takes him down to her condo at the beach for a vacation with her and her mother.
So, on FB (evil..lol) I see pictures of him day one out of jail with wine in his hand and then Beer the next day and a mixed drink at a dinner out that same day. Oh, and one of his friends (who is also ne`re do well) wanting to get in touch with the recently released. So she asks for his number.
Ok woman, you have to realize your son is an addict and that feeding him booze is NOT the right thing to do right? You realize this friend of his is also involved in drugs and is probably NOT someone you want your kid reconnecting with.. within a few days of his release???
I mean, this kid has caused her nothing but heartache. Her home has been robbed several times. He has stolen from her. Shoot, one of his drug buddies OD'ed and DIED in her living room! He has cost her thousands upon thousands in court fees and lawyer bills. What part of not encouraging/enabling his bad behavior does she not understand???
It's not that she is stupid really, but has a complete blind spot when it comes to her son.
So.. not really step related, but it does show how blind a bio parent can be and how damaging it can be to enable the kids.
- ESMOD's blog
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Comments
WOW... sounds like a case
WOW... sounds like a case down here, and eventually the mother stabbed the kid to death, she could not take it anymore... then people fought to keep her out of jail??
The whole time I was thinking... you get him from jail/rehab and instead of being a true parent you simply spoil him with what ever he wants, booze, money you name it and then you kill him?
I honestly don't think she
I honestly don't think she would kill him but I actually worry about him killing HER or getting her involved in a situation where she is hurt or killed. Of course, he is living with her right.
I think she has always tried to be a good mother, but honestly, I think she has spent a lot of her time "partying". His dad was not a great father and has issues so he wasn't much help.
Even when the boy was young, he was a brat. I remember he came on a vacation with us and was pretty intolerable and I think he was 11 then. Just before he blew up into a serious delinquent.
It's so sad when a parent
It's so sad when a parent rather want to be a friend then an authority figure....
or maybe I'm just wrong in this view.... but if my own son ever dares getting caught up in drugs or any criminal activity... I doubt I will welcome him back with open arms... easy to say till it happens, if I do take him back in it will be worse then jail, that I know for a fact
I just find this so sad. I
I just find this so sad. I don't know how any parent can party with their addict kids.
My SD is 25, not an addict nor an alcoholic (doesn't even dabble), and my DH would never have so much as a beer with her. He just doesn't feel it's right. While that may be a little extreme, I get it. It just feels weird to him to think about drinking with his kid, no matter how old she is.
Your DH's relative may not kill her son with her own hands, but she sure is contributing to the lifestyle that may kill him.
You would think with one of
You would think with one of his friends actually OD'ing in her living room that she might actually make the connection that it could have been her own son dying just as easily.
I guess she just wants so desperately for things to be "normal" that she just thinks if she ACTS like they are that they WILL be.
I know it's only a matter of time before we hear of the next big arrest.
I know right! BTW.. when I
I know right! BTW.. when I put (evil...lol) behind Facebook. I meant that FB is evil, not that I was getting any amount of enjoyment from this situation.
I don't know, this kid really makes me wonder about the nature vs nurture conundrum.
His grandfather on his dad's side was apparently a real piece of work. He among other things raped his daughter in front of his sons and beat everyone in the family. Probably not a big surprise that his son is also a violent drunk. (this boy's father).
But, this guy didn't even get to spend that much time with his father... so where is all this bad seed stuff coming from? must be genetic in some part. I guess the proclivity for addiction is part but the violence and the turning to crime.. that has to have some genetic component too I think.
Don't get me started on how
Don't get me started on how many YEARS of sentence time that this kid has not served. Or the years that the people that broke into our home several years ago already had over their heads etc.
this kid was supposed to serve 4 months out of a multiyear sentence...stayed in just under 2 months! It's like parents that give huge punishment then give in.
I told my DH it's because we couldn't afford to keep people in jail as a country.. he said we really can't afford NOT to.