Time for Court
So my soon to be SD is now approaching the age of 2. And seeing how her life has changed since I have come in it about nine months ago, my fiancé and I have determined it is time to take the BM to court. It really isn't about him wanting to see his daughter more, he sees her pretty much every day. It is mainly about the lack of structure. As it goes now SD is with us Thursday thru Sunday and during the other days while BM is at work. If fiancé is at work at the same time as BM he has to arrange for some sort of child care and pay for all of the costs. But anyways that is not important. What I want to know is what will going to court really do? We live in California, a state that fully believes in joint custody, but how does that normally play out. In this situation neither parents want to keep the other from seeing SD, it is just a matter of being sick of all the mood swings that BM goes through. One second she will want fiancé to take daughter but then she will find out that he has to work she has to give SD for me to watch for a hour tops, then she freaks out and says that fiancé can't see SD that day. But she never goes through with these threats since all her friends are too busy looking after their own kids to take the time to look after hers as well. Stupid thing like that make us want to go to court but would it be worth it? I am just worried that the outcome won't be favorable. It is just so hard dealing with BM when she makes arguments out of stupid things like us changing SD's clothes, we want her to wear cute stuff not the mismatching outfits BM puts her in. And of course I don't help the situation, BM has been jealous since I first came into the picture, the fact that SD and I get along great just fuels the situation. It is as if she would rather I be a wicked step mom so that she could say at least I am a better mother than her. But no such luck. So I guess what I really want to know is going to court worth it and if we go what should we expect? And just in case you were wondering we are very prepared to go. From the time SD was born fiancé documented the time he spent with her and saved the receipts for things he buys SD. Fiancé and BM were split up before SD was born so he has always been expecting to go to court.
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Does he
pay child support? Do they have everything on paper already through the courts or was it just a mutual dicision they made together?
I understand, been there myself.
But just so you're prepared, check into the rules for changing stuff in your state. Here in Texas you have to be able to prove a major change in circumstances has occured in the life of either party or the needs of the child to be able to change any orders. The first time we went to court BM had done all kinds of crazy things, threatening to beat me up, burn down DH(then BF) house and keying both our trucks up and slashing our tires. Believe it or not, that wasn't enough.
We are finally making progrss now, two years later, but sad to say it may be only because we uncovered Bm's recent DWI and Assault conviction.
If you guys are sure what you want is better for SD, and I'm sure you are, talk to an attorney about your options. Definently have a plan to show how what you have to offer SD is better than what is in place now.
I'm not encouraging rushing marriage for the upper hand in court, but in my opinion it would make a difference if you waited till then.
I wish you luck whatever you decide. And if you haven't read the book, "No More Baby's Mama Drama" check it out, it's good for some comic relief and has some good insight into what you're having to deal with too.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
and that made all the difference. -Robert Frost-
Thanks for the insight.
Thanks for the insight. Currently we are going to court just to get in writing the current agreement that BM and fiance have had between themselves. We don't accually want to change anything we just want proof that SD has to be with us on certain days. BM has it in her head that my fiance is lucky that she allows him to be in SD's life. We want something proving it is his right to be in SD's life. Ashley W