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I’m sooo over this!!!!

Serenitynow2020's picture

Submitted by Serenitynow2020 on Thu, 09/03/2020 - 12:03am

Hi Everyone,

A bit of a backstory. I've been with my fiancé going on 8 years. We have a beautiful 5y daughter and he has a 12yo daughter from a previous.... situation. We live in California, his BM lives in Georgia.
 

Last year my SD came to live with us full time and is currently still here. Her mother doesn't work, lives with her mom( SD's grandmother) and son ( who's 17). We are currently doing distant learning so I have a kindergartener and a 7th grader still home while I am working from home. I have reached my limit and I can no longer handle all of this by myself. My fiancé is an essential worker so he goes into work everyday and I am at home working and homeschooling both kids. I can't take it anymore and I am starting to have mental breakdowns because it is just too much. My parents have offered to have my 5yo come stay with them for a couple weeks and they will do homeschooling with her. They love my SD but they said they can't do both as my mom still works and my Dad is retired. I sat down with my fiancé today and said I believe SD12 needs to go stay with her mom and he says this hurts him but he understands my frustrations. He said he will talk to his BM and see what's going on over there. I'm guessing nothing! She's going on about her life while I'm over here caring for her daughter! He says he's worried because he doesn't know what goes on in that house and he's worried for his daughter. Ok... understandable. BUT I told him" you're fiancé is going crazy! How do you feel about that???"

I get it, It's shady over there but you guys I am loosing it. It's the only way I know to lighten some of the load off of me! I kind of feel like now that things are uncomfortable for him I'm suppose to feel bad for wanting to send her to her Mom but listen! That's the only option for now! My daughter is our daughter, she's not going anywhere! But my SD has a mother who can help out! Uhhhh sometimes I wish she had her sh*t together so my fiancé wouldn't have to worry about what will go on over there! I just needed to vent to a group of people who may understand where I'm coming from. 

Comments

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Thu, 09/03/2020 - 1:31am

You work from home. That doesn't mean you are available to babysit or homeschool.

Your SD has two parents and you are neither. If your bf doesn't want to send her to her mother's, he needs to figure out another solution (heck, tell him to take her to work with him!). Either way, she should not be your responsibility nor problem. 

Please note that at her mother's place there are THREE potential sitters/helpers/homeschoolers. Time someone faced up to their responsibilities!

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Submitted by Wicked stepmo. on Thu, 09/03/2020 - 3:05am

If he doeywqnt to send her to the BMs, maybe he can find a sitter for her to go to so you can get a break.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 09/03/2020 - 5:26am

Good for you - either she goes back to BM, or he hires someone to do the school work with her. Kind of sad that at 12, she still needs so much support, but since he's a Disney Dad, it's not surprising.

You say he's your fiance -- do you plan to get married soon? I'd sort this out before that, for sure. Your child and your job have to be your priority.

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Thu, 09/03/2020 - 8:15am

Send your biochild to your mom's so you can focus on schooling SD. Excuse me while I LAUGH. That is a big no good buddy.

As winterglow said there are lots of potential people that can help with SD. BM, BM's parents, Your fiance's parents, if your fiance has any siblings they are an option as well. It's time for your DH to start making calls even if somebody takes SD for a week or a few days it would help you because you essentially have three jobs. Your regular job schooling your child and schooling SD. It's just too much.

Sometimes I'm very glad that my daughter is still a baby. I sent her to daycare so I can work from home which is kind of ridiculous in my opinion but I need to have her in another building in order to focus on work. Parents that have to work from home and homeschool right now, I'm stressed out with my situation I can't even imagine trying to juggle that especially when there is a stepchild involved. I don't envy your position at all.

shellpell's picture

Submitted by shellpell on Thu, 09/03/2020 - 9:14am

Send her to her mom's! Your first responsibility is to your daughter not Sd. Don't send yours away to take care of another woman's child!! That's insane.

Peach's picture

Submitted by Peach on Thu, 09/03/2020 - 9:30am

Have her father take time off from work under the Families First Coronavirus Response Act.  If he is working for an eligible employer, then he will get paid two-thirds of his salary.  It is there for families that need time off to care for children or help homeschool them.  

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Thu, 09/03/2020 - 1:15pm

Yes. We are in fact paying an employee to stay home with child during school time. It lasts for 10 weeks and the pay is 2/3 normal rate, but still! If fiance feels that you are a "built in" babysitter, have him try it out himself.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 09/03/2020 - 1:25pm

It may not apply to him, depending on his employer and if he already gets paid time off. 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Thu, 09/03/2020 - 1:23pm

I would suggest that your fiance stay home with kiddo, or go to BM or go to other family.

Disney Dad needs to consider the big picture.

YOU focus on bios.

surprisestepmother's picture

Submitted by surprisestepmother on Thu, 09/03/2020 - 2:40pm

I have been clear that no means no on homeschooling my SD. I work and have a baby. It is NOT my problem.