I'm your crystal ball into the future. We went through YEARS of this... kids "not home" when he calls, he leaves a message and no one calls him back, he sends emails that never receive a response, cards, letters and gift packages seem to disappear at the post office, because she claims the kids never got anything from us in the mail. We had a court date, it was bumped back twice and by the time the new date rolled around, hubby was deployed and we had to cancel it. When he returned from his deployment, we moved out of state and then it seemed ridiculous to waste money trying to get visitation when we can't really drive fifteen hours one-way every other weekend to pick up the kids. My husband has basically no contact with his kids now and, if you read any of my old posts, you'll know that the whole situation and the way he's handling it (or not handling it) has been very destructive to the well-being of us, our children and our marriage.

Here's your glimpse into the future, five years down the road... my husband is successful in getting his kids to answer the phone maybe five times a year. We know that we will not get to talk to the kids at all from June through August, she won't answer the phone then because she knows we'll request summer vacation visitation. Whatever emails we send to the kids have to go to her email address and (we suspect) she deletes them without the kids ever reading them, because they always say they never get emails from us. The oldest kid does have her own email address now, but her mother reads every email, so we have to be very careful of what we say. My husband NEVER gets so much as a card or a phone call on Father's Day, his birthday, holidays, etc. NOT A THING, not the slightest bit of acknowledgement, let alone a card or gift. The kids have their own cell phones and NEVER call him and rarely answer when he calls them. They are older now, so at this point she may not actually be physically preventing the contact, but she's been so successful in alienating the kids from their dad they it's almost their choise not to contact him now. It sucks HARD.

My advice is that if you live close enough to her, then FIGHT HARD to get the courts to hear you and if this judge won't, then petition for another judge. If your attorney doesn't seem like he's willing to really advocate for you, then fire him and get a new one. She is in contempt and while they may only warn her the first time you drag her before a judge, if she goes before the same judge more than once, he will eventually hold her in contempt. I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's a nightmare.

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

Donna I totally understand your frustration. I wonder if the BM in my case is the twin of the one in yours. This woman is evil beyond comprehension. She also refuses to let us talk to the kids on the phone, stating that the phone is in her mothers name and her mom does not have to let us call on it is she doesn't want us to. She told us we have to give each child a cell of their own and pay for it if we want to talk to the kids. And all this was said after the court ordered unrestricted phone conversations. When his son wants to talk to my boyfriend, he has to sneak and hide in the basement bathroom and lock the door and call us. The other two children ages 13 and 8 are being turned against their father more and more each day by their BM. And the one son that is 10 gets hit and verbally abused when he tells his BM and her parents to stop talking bad about his Dad. He is more mature than the other 2 and wants out of there so bad. We have had to call children and youth over physical abuse he suffered at home. He had marks on him and was crying that he didn't want to go back, but they did nothing to help. Instead things got worse for him. And the BM in turn called CYS on us and said very untrue things. Good thing we had her on tape saying she would accuse my boyfriend of sexual abuse just to keep him away from his kids if he didn't give her $5000. Now that is an evil person.

We are at a point now where we are considering getting a new lawyer as our concerns and the things that happen go by with nothing being done. The only positive thing that our lawyer has done is petitioned for a Guardian ad litem, but he had no choice as we threated to fire him if he didn't. We have also talked about getting a second opinion from a therapist in regards to the children. The two older kids are in therapy, but we have no access to information as the therapist will not return our calls. The BM makes all the appointments on the days the BF works so the therapist only gets to hear her lies. The son is scared to talk to the therapist because she tells his mom what he says and then he gets punished when he gets home. She flat out lies to the therapist when the kids complained about not being allowed to talk to their dad on the phone or about how she bad mouths us.

It is frustrating because everyone says we can't say anything about her or what she is doing or it just reflects bad on us and looks like we are out to get her. How are we suppose to protect the children if we have to sit back and keep our mouths shut? Our 10 yr old has the same anger issues as your 7 yr old. He is great when he is with us in a calm loving environment, but when he is with his BM he has a lot of problems controlling the anger. He refuses to give in to her and stop loving his father and then things get physical between them. He is learning this from her and there is nothing we can do to stop it. We do talk to him and encourage him to not hit or become out of control as then his BM can turn and use that as a defense for her hitting him. He is doing better with it and things have been calm for a week or two now. With my boyfriends daughter it is not going well as the mother is refusing to have the child checked for bi-polar. We did get a hold of the therapist about 2 weeks ago and she said she saw signs of this condition and wanted to have the child tested. But now we have left a dozen messages for the therapist and she is not returning our calls again, and the BM says there is no test and there is nothing wrong with the child and will not have her tested even if there was a test. Problem is BM is also BIpolar, but is in denial about it. The therapist slipped and told us that when she told us about the child. The therapy they go to now is to help them adjust to the divorce and is with a LSW. The therapist wants the child to see a psychiatrist and be evaluated for the bipolar and begin treatment if necessary.

We have set up a safety plan for his son with one of the neighbors where he lives. There had been an incident with his mom and he had tried to get to a phone to call 911 and he was pushed to the ground by his mother and held there while his grandmother and sister took the phone from his room. Now we have it set up so if anything like that happens again he can go to this neighbor for safety and call 911 from there.

Think I have vented a bit here. Sometimes just letting it out helps me deal with it all. Keep letting your ss know how much he is loved by you both and don't give up. That is what holds us together when things seem so lost and out of control. We are fighting for custody, but know that even if we get the children it will be a long road due to the abuse they have been through and the alienation their mother has caused between them and their father. It will mean lots of therapy and lots of sleepless nights I am sure.