I'm just amazed at how this works. More and more I'm feelign free to discuss my position, in that I will continue disengaged because it's the only thing to work, and work it does! I've also told him how I feel and see her as BM's child, not his child and that it IS quite common for women to see things like this-especially if the dad is NCP. He's admitted what he has before, that he is always in/out of his feelings/emotion for his kid, like he's 50/50 w/her in all things, I told him I knew he was and that I obviously was there also-and he said he completely understood w/me being so ambivalent about her that I realized i don't HAVE to deal with her, so I don't...and by golly I don't know HOW but he GETS IT, and so far he has respected it and OUR relationship has been like a 180 since!!!

Had another wknd w/out seeing her at all. Friday night I took my sons to a friends house so they could play w/her son...we had a great time!! He came over to see me around midnight when I came home so we could play and went back early the next am to his parents as sd was there.

Sat I slept in, took boys to their first game of season, then went shopping at the mall (which i normally hate) and had NO panic attacks...Just us three, I had a great time with them.
Bf texted me saying he hoped i was having a good day...and did i want to get out for a bit later just us- HECK YEAH!! So sd stayed w/his parent, my boys stayed at home. I had a new outfit, it felt like back when we started dating.
We discussed sd briefly when we came back until I stopped him and said babe, no more sd talk this is our date night. And back to having fun just us. I said babe, we're DATING...we're not married, we're not living together, was too much reality and w/stress about sd issues, no reason for it....we are DATING right now so there is no reason for us to ACT as a married couple and take on those responsibilities.

On Sunday am I get a text from him that SD had already left!!! and then said bm had texted her pics of the new puppies they are breeding/selling (BM always texts sd to entice her w/something to ruin his wknds-especially if there are no games and such going on for SD) and GET THIS!!!! SD asked her mom to pick her up, when bf asked her if she was coming back later, she said no, would just stay at moms.

WOW...so now you're bored out of your gourd at grandparents and don't like visitin dad as much because you aren't being entertained, fed and given fodder for your agression take out at my home. Dad is still making plans to go on dates with me also-and she knows it. But yet SHE can't come over, now going to dad isn't as cool. The girl has NEVER EVER ONCE wanted to leave early to go back to moms.

I must say something is working----his parents are feeling the grunt of their agreeing to any time bm/sd wants to circumvent bf's visitation time...because they agree because so far they KNEW bf would come get her and that sd would be here w/me, other kids, happy, etc...now that i'm taking my home out of the equation, they can deal with it
They are super sweet people and i have no qualms with them other then they undermind my bf as a parent, will always guilty grandparent, spoil the sd rotten, and they are doing her a HUGE disservice by this and don't realize it.

My mom said to me...you did the right thing, you do what it takes to maintain the peace in your home!! Remove the problem if you need to..in this case you could and should and it worked.

She said remember your exh and lack of peace in your home, when he left you got it back? He said YOU deserve that peace, your KIDS deserve that peace, your RELATIONSHIP WITH BF deserves that peace, its your life and home and relationship. I told her things had been MUCH better for bf and I-She said to do all possible to maintain my peace. I told her my feelings of constant anger, bitterness were slowly fading. I also told bf that my feelings were so strong about sd that I would be no good to her-I told him repeatedly what a good wknd I had. Him and I's chemistry and laughing together and enjoying eachother was like the old days, pre having SD over all the time on his visits.

I feel like I ahve my life back, my bf back, my peace back, my kids back, my oldest hung out w/me talking all wknd and normally he's more aloof-we had TIME to be together and enjoy and have fun w/no fights, distractions, frustrations and me in a bad mood.

Awww...if only this can always stay this way!!! I hope so, at least for now I feel like this HUGE weight off my shoulders guys...and I couldn't have gotten to this point w/out your support and advice.