Yes. I am more embarassed for the way he acts. At times dh has been embarassed, and that is sad. That just says right there, do something about your kid if your so embarassed. I have canceled or declined invites specifically because ss doesnt know how to act.
He is always that "one kid" at stuff that everyone seems to have "that look" when they see him. That "gawd, whos kid is that?! "
NOT MINE!

Your dh goes on the defensive when you bring up how stinky the skids are. OMG. Id be making an anonoymous complaint to CPS because ultimately it is BM's responsibility that they are clean. If they dont know how to be clean they need to be taught it BY BM. She sounds like she needs a crash course in parenting. Oh and your DH as well. If BM cant lift her lazy ass to care for her kids properly your dh needs to.

Stinkiness is not so much a problem for SD17. She is extremely vain, so I don't care for the attitude, but being that way does mean that she typically showers and combs her hair. Of course she wears hoodies all of the time, and I think those look like shit, but every kids seems to wear them.

SS20, on the other hand, is a very different story. He looks and dresses like a hobo. I had a post about him a few months ago. Let's just say that by the age of 20, he should know how to use soap, shampoo, a razor, a comb, and deodorant, but he doesn't. He also wears a nasty trenchcoat everywhere, ala the "Trenchcoat Mafia" from Columbine. In a word, he is gross. However, he is currently living with his grandmother, so he is not my problem.

Yes, in the beginning, 3yrs ago. Crazo bought the skids very expensive name brand clothes, but they were 2 - 3 sizes to big. The skids looked like they wore hand me downs. So suggested to my bf that we keep clothes at his house for them to were. He bought them both clothes and we keep them. They do not go to crazo's.

Also they lacked in the manners dept, I pointed this out and SO has been working with them and they are so much better. Stepmonster and all the other books I have read said if it comes from the bio parent so I let him do the dirty work. But I don't overlook it. They need to be polite and well mannered young people, I will accept nothing less.

Crazo only cares about herself so I help SO with the girl stuff, she is 11 and we have had the discussion about using deo and wearing a bra. She is very receptive and does care about her apperance so it is easy to give her suggestions. She is thankful for anything we do for her because her mom is too selfish to care.

Tell your DH that his kids need a bath and need to brush their teeth as soon as they arrive at your house and keep clothes that they wear with you. If he is a good parent he will see you care about their welfare and will be receptive to your help.

Good luck it is awkward but worth the investment to have clean, well mannered skids to deal with instead of the homeless look.

Yes, I also get embarrassed. SD7 is always in ratty, dirty looking clothes and SO doesn't notice that she hasn't brushed her teeth or hair unless I remind him. I've quit reminding him because no matter how light and pleasant I try to be, I think he thinks I'm complaining. As with most things concerning SD, I no longer consider it my business.

I'm not embarrassed because of any kind of vanity, but like others have said- people will think I parent that way, and while I generally am not all that concerned about opinions or conformity, I do care being a good parent.

Yes! OMG, if the skids come downstairs looking like hobos with uncombed hair I will make them go back and put on something decent and comb their hair. I honestly think DH can't tell the difference if they are dressed sloppily or dressed nice.

We have some clothes for them at our house but not a ton. They only have a small amount of clothes that I would consider going out in public with them in. I am not as disengaged though. If they haven't showered and look like vagrants I will get after them. Luckily DH has my back. Even if he doesn't notice they look bummy, he knows that I am not just picking on them.

My SD15 is a mess. First of all, she wears a size 14 (in women), but still thinks she can fit a size 8 in Girls! So her clothes are always too freaking small. Every time she sits down, her stinky butt shows. I asked DH - 'Would you allow your wife to go out in public like that? If not, why would you let your daughter go out? Showing the crack of her a$$ to every person she meets." He tells me, I told SD15 to go change and she always says she have no clothes. GRRR! Go buy her some then!
Anyway, what I think you should do is: If you know you are going to the store, suggest to them to get cleaned up because you are about to go out to the store and if they want to go, they have to look presentable. Find the nearest Goodwill, and get them some clothes when you have a chance. Before they go back to their BM's house, make them change clothes and leave your clothes there. I've learned that if the BM doesn't care enough, you aren't going to make her care, but that only leads up to the step children not caring either.
There is nothing worse than seeing a family in the store with the parents dressed nicely, the steps looking like hobos, and the other children looking decent. Believe it or not, that is a reflection on you. The 8 and 11 year old are at an age where you can help them evolve into more decent young ladies. Forget what DH says about it, YOU take the initiative to help them out. They just might thank you for it in the long run.