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What do you do about the chewing?!

planningMyEscape's picture

Submitted by planningMyEscape on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 9:59am

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Blended Family Issues

Ok so I've disengaged. It hasn't been overly obvious yet, because skids have only been with us EOW, but soon will be moving in and living w/us 5 days a week.

Anyway, we eat meals as a family at the table. 90% of the time SO does the cooking, so that doesn't even involve me disengaging. However. His kids (who are old enough to know better) have terrible table manners. They chew with their mouths open, belch, tell gross stories, etc. It kind of makes me want to vomit. I can't eat dinner around them. I would have NO PROBLEM WHATSOEVER eating at a different time, on my own, except that I have two (young) bio kids who also eat dinner, and I don't want to give up eating w/them (also they sometimes need assistance with eating, so they need me there). SO just ignores their rotten behavior (though if my 4 year old even takes one bite with his mouth open, SO yells at him-go figure), like he does with all their rotten behavior. Most of it I can put up with, (and HOPE he gets the message and steps up and starts being a better dad), but how do I put up w/the bad table manners that make me literally want to gag?

Any suggestions?

alwaysanxious's picture

Submitted by alwaysanxious on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 10:01am

"You are gross. Knock it off"

Honestly beyond saying that, I have no idea.

the_stepmonster's picture

Submitted by the_stepmonster on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 10:19am

Yup. This wholeheartedly. Tell him they are teaching your bios bad table manners and you don't want your own children getting yelled at when they learn their terrible behavior from them.

ctnmom's picture

Submitted by ctnmom on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 10:16am

I'm with Echo. Tell him you don't want the horrendous manners to rub off on your bios. But then again, this is my iggie- I cannot eat at the same table w/ pigs. I just can't eat when there's viisible chewed food/slurping/etc. :sick:

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 10:18am

Just call them out on everything. You come across like a nag for awhile but eventually DH starts to see it himself. For my husband it was taking them out to a nice restaurant to put it in perspective...Now SS is fine. His table manners are better. He is still a little messy but he is a work in progress.

my.kids.mom's picture

Submitted by my.kids.mom on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 10:53am

My vote is for 2 different dinners, like the others have said. If that doesn't work, have a separate little table. Even if you hadn't disengaged, saying something about their behavior will likely not work. You will just be the bitch and the behavior wouldn't change. Your job is to teach your kids differently and keep them from this behavior.

Ommy's picture

Submitted by Ommy on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 11:03am

agree with everyone. Two different dinners. and tell him why. Dont expose your kids to that. besides it is sicking when people chew with their mouth open. I cant eat around that either.

HadEnoughx5's picture

Submitted by HadEnoughx5 on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 11:07am

Before I read all the comments, my immediate thought was eat your meals at different times. I would not want my bio's picking up bad habits from the skids either and also, if your disengaged from his kids and then he has no rights to parent yours either.

The next time he decided to discipline your child , I would say "you have enough problems with your own kids, you should probably focus on THEIR behavior before you start parenting someone elses children" Wink

planningMyEscape's picture

Submitted by planningMyEscape on Thu, 01/26/2012 - 12:20pm

Well, the 2 that are mine are his as well.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I will try the 2-dinner idea!! It will piss everyone off, I'm sure, but oh well, I'm tired of eating w/animals!

Dannee's picture

Submitted by Dannee on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 11:57am

4 year old or any age...

THEY WOULD BE REMOVED>>> SKID OR NO SKID...

I know exactly what you are talking about you can't even enjoy a meal..

In my home my daughter has been removed several times for poor manners at the
table..

Tell them they have to leave..that simply...if they want to have dinner with the
family (or dinner at all) proper table manners will be the key..

wicked witch 32's picture

Submitted by wicked witch 32 on Mon, 12/19/2011 - 8:18pm

Had some of the same things going on with my SD's. Thankfully my BD was not there at the time and I just told them flat out that is nasty, if they did not stop I just got up and ate by myself. I know you don't have that ability, but like others have said Don't eat with them. If you have to all sit down at the same time then just tell them what you think. If they are nasty then say it. If they are telling stories that are not appropriate then say something from the start or as soon as you know it is that kind of story. I had to do it. IT sucks and it takes time, but now I can sit down with all of my family and eat with out being grossed out. Good luck to you.

If you don't say anything then the problem will not get fixed. Wish you well. I can't stand it when kids act like that.