You have a mom who sends the kids over with clean clothes and a dad who does his children's laundry.

Both parents are doing the right thing. I don't understand why you have a problem with this. :?

I do laundry every Sunday morning, I always ask SD13 if she wants me to wash anything of hers. I really see no issue with it, I'm already doing our laundry, why not do hers? It's not a hill I'd die on.

Yep, I'd say you're pretty lucky here. My skids' BM sent them over to our house at 10pm the night before we were leaving for vacation at 4am with a garbage bag full of dirty clothes. Guess what DH got to do? Stay up half the night doing their laundry. I guess it was a lightbulb moment for him though, because they ARE old enough to do their own laundry.

Guess what BM got when we returned from vacay? If you guessed a garbage bag full of dirty clothes, you win!

Send them back clean. As for ironing the whites ... not a snowballs chance in hell would that happen. I don't iron crap. I ironed far too many shirts during my three years of countless best uniform competition victories in Military School to ever touch an iron again. If my bride did not insist we would not even own an iron. Ironing is what the drycleaners/laundry is for.

My SD14y goes to her BM every fortnight and half of every long school holidays. The clothes NEVER come back clean! In fact just 3 weeks ago she was at her BM for 2 weeks and came back with all that dirty laundry.

my SD13 never sleeps over because she's a bitch and refuses.

however, if they've gone to a beach day or something is dirty ive offered to wash it and keep it in her bureau for the next visit. she always refuses. im sure she doesnt tell her mother ive offered to wash so her mother probably thinks we send her home full of sand, etc.

im at a point where i dont care.

we have a few dresses now that i bought that i will wash and keep for her. we dont send anything home with her anymore that we buy and we actually made her bring a dress back to our house.

We were EOWE and SD would bring a couple of outfits (certainly not a suitcase, more like a Wal-Mart bag). If DH was doing our laundry, he would wash SD's, no big deal to me.

But I had a feeling that he was doing it for nothing and so I asked SD, as DH is folding the laundry, hers included, "Do you realize that your dad washes your clothes for you to take home?"

Blank stare. She was about 14 at the time and didn't know clean, folded, nice smelling clothes from wadded up clothes that smelled like an ashtray.

Finally, she says, very slowly, "Nooooo."

"So, you're taking your clothes home and throwing them in the laundry to be washed?"

"Yes."

DH stopped washing her clothes.

I always try to do the laundry and send clothes back clean. Occasionally some bits don't get done for one reason or another, I don't worry. SD's BM living arrangements at various times have meant she had to use a laundromat so I always made sure to send SD's clothes back clean where possible to ensure she had clean clothes to wear. Occasionally we did a bag of extra laundry for her (SD's clothes). These days I think she must have a washer where she lives now as clothes are usually sent over clean. I don't mind doing laudry. I don't iron any of SD's clothes so it is really easy and simple to wash and dry them. And SD7 has even started helping me put sort the laudry and put it away.

Do you know, in the 9 years we've been together... this has never, ever occurred to me. Certainly at this point (23, 20, 17) they do their own. But when they were kids and we had EOWE? I don't have the foggiest who did their laundry - DH before they left, them at our house or their BM's, or BM when they got home. No clue. All I know is it wasn't me! As long as no one is asking YOU to do the laundry, I don't see why you'd care, honestly.

SD did show up one weekend with ALL of her laundry and all the household towels, too. A huge garbage bag full. That, I kind of had a problem with.

DH either washed them or made her do it but I told him, "Don't ever let her in the car with a garbage bag full of laundry again. We are not a laundromat." Unless she wanted to bring a roll or two of quarters.

BM got mad at me when I washed her "coming to our house" outfit. She said that I wasn't her mother and I'm not supposed to do anything for SD. SSo now it's what ever I feel like doing. If the clothes are in the hamper, I'll wash them, if not then they go back dirty. I could care less. I'm over the whole caring what BM wants. She is not my problem and she doesn't control what I do. Do what you want to do. It's going to be wrong anyway.

this might be bad but i just dont care anymore about SD whites being white. i wash all SD clothes in one bunch. whites, her sheets, jeans ,ect then put back in her room. she is gross and tosses her bloody underwear in my hamper after i told her not to and worse yet i made her dad say it to her you would think when your dad brings up bloody underwear you would be to embarressed to do that again, not her. i used to just put them in the trash if i came across the disgusting panties but then i decided to just wash all her clothes bloodly sheets and underwear with the rest of her stuff that way i am not mixing it up with my family clothes.
at least most of her clothes just stay in one big pile in her room and dont get mixed in with rest of our clothes and usually she will clean them up EOW so i make sure upstairs hamper is empty that way when she tosses her junk in i can just dump all the contents into the washing machine and never have to touch or see a single thing....

When I send my BS to his dad's with clothes, they are always clean. He always sends them back dirty. However he doesnt have a washer/dryer in his apartment, so I dont mind washing. I'm not going to expect him to go to the laundry mat and wash BS's clothes before he returns.

What bugs me is that my Ex smokes in the house (even though he will tell me otherwise) and ALL of BS's clothes smell like smoke, even the "clean" clothes that he didnt wear. So I am washing clothes that BS didnt even wear because they somehow smell like smoke.

There is no way I would do a skid's laundry, but if DH wants to do it I don't care. I also wouldn't care if BM complained about non-ironed clothes.

DH had EOWE, (one night) and no laundry was ever done for SD.

She'd show up with a Target bag as an overnighter- no toothbrush, hairbrush etc.

Once in June she showed up in fake UGG boots... It was hot as hades outside.

Had she even shown up in appropriate clothes, never mind a suitcase- DH would have been overjoyed!

If he wanted to do SD's laundry- go for it. I just wouldn't

I do laundry every five days, no matter who is here and who is not. I do not ask SS for any laundry, if he needs something washed it better be in the hamper. This goes for his bedding, clothes, everything. If it isn't in the hamper when I do laundry, he can either learn to do it himself (haha), or DH can do it for him. I've made it perfectly clear to SS and DH that any amount of laundry I do for SS is a gift, as my children were doing their own laundry way before 13.

The only exception I make to asking for laundry is when he has friends over. They tend to come with dirty clothes (?!), and there's something about sharing living space with a bunch of dirty, stinking teenage boys I don't care for. When they have things they want washed, I will do them in one load, and hand them the basket straight from the dryer and tell them to fold/hang them. SS is the only one who is clueless on that front. His clothes will still be sitting in a wrinkled heap an hour later when I go back to collect the basket. Oh well. Guess who's not ironing that crap?

Wow, I am in the minority here. For about 10 years, my SSs came EOW and usually arrived at our house at 9 pm on Fridays (since DH had to travel 4 hours round trip to get them.) I am an attorney and have always worked about 50 hours during the week to try to avoid working on weekends, so by Friday, I am exhausted. Their visits with us were total whirlwinds. Saturdays were usually filled with doing activities to entertain them or visit DH's family ( who live an hour away) which left no time for laundry for ourselves, much less the SSs. On Sunday morning, we went to church and would either go out to eat afterwards or I would cook dinner so that it could be done in time for them to leave at 4 pm on Sunday. So, I truly had NO time, and even less energy, to wash my SSs' perhaps 2 outfits (Friday nite PJs which were worn on Saturday night as well and Saturday clothes) in time for them to leave on Sunday. If BM was expecting it, then I guess she was sorely disappointed, but it never even occurred to me that I should take time to wash their clothes when they were only there for about 43 hours, including 16 or so hours of sleep time. I figured BM can throw in those clothes when she does their laundry for the week. I truly don't feel guilty about that. My SSs are grown now and don't visit, but I have DSs 13 and 7 with DH, and if we are out of town all weekend (which is the equivalent of how activity-filled our weekends were with SSs) then my own DSs' clothes don't get done either. (And as we all know, no one criticizes a BM, regardless of what she does!)

*I* would not do skids laundry, but I would not begrudge dh doing it.

In fact, we have sd 50/50 and I really don't do her laundry. Dh is in charge of it. I will throw some of her stuff in with mine if it is in the hamper.

To me? It's common courtesy. My kids always went with clean clothes, whether for a weekend or the summer. I kind of expected them to come home with (mostly) clean clothes. Sure, I understood if they did something the last day and those clothes weren't laundered, but to send back a case of dirty clothes? really not cool.

Of course, both knew how to do their own laundry here, but were not allowed to use appliances there. So yes, I expected the "allowed" adults to do it.