I am convinced that "co-sleeping" is the number one sign of "guilty daddy." You have to approach it as being of benefit to the child.

"DH, you want SD to grow up strong and independent, don't you? After all, there will come a time when you will be gone and she'll still be here; let's start a gold star system to help SD become more independent at night."

Believe me I had this fight with GG. He thought I was "cold, evil and mean spirited" because I didn't want his oversized children hopping into bed with us or him going to lie down with them to "help" them go to sleep.

Approach it from an age thing. That you want SD to be at a level with others her age.

Also make it clear that he won't be getting any adult privileges until SD completes successfully her "gold star" program. I also approached it that it isn't good for children's sleep habits to have an adult with them in bed.

Make NO mistake about it, even at FOUR, SD is "marking her territory" basically screaming that daddy is "all hers" and that you as SM should just "go away."

Here's a link:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/child-sleep/CC00020/NSECTIONGROUP=2

I feel like this post is being taken for something that its not. Its about DH promoting her bad behavior by laying in bed with her.. Im sure hoping that your not suggesting that he is being inappropriate with her cause thats a whole other blog!

Anywho Id tell DH that SD 'has him so fooled' and laugh when your telling him. My SD4 is much smarter than either of us would like to think and is well aware how to make both her parents tick.. thankfully Im smarter than that.

She probably isnt scared, although it is good that we recognize that they can be.. thats probably not the case if she acts this same way everytime. He has got to stop coddling.. it only makes things worse.

I always told my FDH that how ever he puts her to bed.. he will ALWAYS have to put her to bed that way.. doesnt he want any time to himself or with you? It does help that we have BS together and he knows that if you baby them along.. you have to do it every night. If we can lay down a 10month old and he goes to sleep.. WTH cant a 4yr old say nightnights and love yous and turn on the nightlight and lay there till they fall asleep? Totally possible.. but why when you can scream your head off and daddy will come lay with you?!

The big question would be, as someone mentioned above, WOULD HE DO IT WHEN OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS ARE AROUND?

If not, there you go. He realizes that it is inappropriate.

If so, have your mother come over and get HER reaction as to whether or not this is appropriate and/or harmful to the child.

When will it end? Will your SD be 8, 11, 14 and daddy will be spooning with her??

My FDH never got in bed with his daughter even when she was scared. He'd sit on the bed, talk her through it, hug her, etc. He said was afraid that if BM heard anything that may sound the least bit suspicious ("Dad lays in bed with me") she'd call CPS (and she would have). He's in dangerous territory, IMHO. I'm NOT suggesting he's intentionally doing anything sexual rather the appearance of the opportunity to do so is an issue. And, yes, I agree that playing the "rescuer" role is not a good precedence to set at all.