So, new here like a lot of others who posted, but thought I'd put in my two cents...

I seem to have fewer issues than some who describe absolute nightmares, but I definitely have a few of my own. Like putting my 4yo step-daughter to bed; especially when there's company over. One instance being tonight:

It starts with two nights ago when she was at her BM house (who is the typical hood-rat type with no job and an awful family and no sense of what parenting REALLY is) when she was laid down for a nap at 5pm (mistake number 1). My SD (I'll call her Ally for now) is already outgrown from napping and we don't even ask her to anymore and even asked her daycare not to let her sleep unless she's super tired or been playing tons because she won't sleep at night. So, after "napping" until 7pm, her BM let her stay up until 2AM!!!!! Who in their right mind thinks it's OK to let a 4yo stay up that late?!

Next scene: Ally comes home and has a pretty normal day (aside from the usual fuss we get after getting her back from BM's). Well, bed time rolls around and it's business as usual: get jammies on, brush her teeth, and lay down to read a story with me and her dad. After story time, she put up more of a fuss than normal about going to sleep, which again wasn't unexpected since she was up so late the previous evening. 3am rolls around and my hubby and I are woken up by Ally screaming in the next room (which she doesn't get that she can just sneak in quietly and talk to us) upset because she misses her mom. Alright, fine. She's allowed to miss her BM... well, she finally falls asleep while my hubby is cuddling with her in her bed. Shortly after going back to our room, I hear her get up to use the restroom. Again, fine. I get up to remind her to flush when she's done and give her another kiss and hug to go to sleep. I walk out of her room and went back to mine only to hear sounds coming from her room again. I get up to investigate and find her up reading. (Not that I don't mind reading when you can't sleep because it's actually one of the best ways of going back to sleep in my opinion) I scold her and tell her that night-time is for sleeping and to go back to bed. She starts bawling her eyes out yet again. After fighting her to go back to sleep for almost an hour, I finally tell her no stories the following night. Eventually, she goes to sleep while I, on the other hand, had to stand outside her cracked door staring at her and repeatedly telling her to close her eyes for another 30 minutes.

Flash forward to tonight. Hubby had a friend come over to chill for a while right about the time Ally goes to sleep (about 8pm). She's tired already cuz I intentionally woke her up again at 8:30am to get her back on the right sleep schedule... well, after a late and deliciously filling dinner, we tell her to go get ready for bed (which she can do by herself) and she instantly starts crying. Her dad just coddles her and comforts her, only encouraging these behaviors (and when I explain to him how he's encouraging bad behavior, he spits out the usual: "she's little", "she's just tired", and this and that). After putting jammies on and brushing her teeth and going potty, Ally lays down and her dad and I give her kisses and hugs, but no stories since she was not behaving last night. His friend arrives as we're laying her down and the minute we go to leave her room she starts throwing another temper tantrum screaming and crying that she wants to go to her moms. I give my man props as he's come a long way from when I met him, as he told her "You're not going to your moms tonight. I already told you it's only 3 days until you see her again. Now its time for bed." Then he leaves to go hang out with his friend (who knows Ally very well and has witnessed many nights of bad behavior at bedtime), while I stay to quiet Ally. Not being her biological parent, she doesn't seek out comfort from me yet, as I have only known her about a year which, again, is ok. The problem comes when her dad doesn't understand this fact and doesn't get why she only settles when he lays down with her. So, after attempting to quiet her for 15 minutes, I finally threaten her with a spanking (which I absolutely abhorr and use only as a very very last resort) which sends her reeling more. Not to be pushed to another level of insanity, I followed through with the threat. After I spanked her, I looked at her and told her that that was enough. She stopped crying. I gave her one last kiss and hug as a sign of peace and love. The minute I was out of sight, she started SCREAMING again! I walked out and told her dad that I thought the best option at that point is to just let her cry, even if we have company. What does he do? He goes in there, undermines my punishment for the previous evening's nightmare, and tells her to read! A little frustrated here. Don't know what to do or say cuz hubby thinks I'm joking or doesn't take me serious or thinks I'm Hitler when I make suggestions like just ignoring her until she falls asleep.

I consider my parenting style a structured, scheduled, & well versed in discipline. Having done innumerable hours of research for reliable information, and applying my own mothers' soft yet firm techniques, I believe that I under Now, I admit, there are times that I am a little too strict under stress or when constant backtalk pushes me to it. I do keep myself in check and dole out as much praise as I can find cause to give! But, on the other hand, I do expect that my rules are followed without question and without much fuss, also understanding that there has to be room for questions about my logic and some leeway in schedule (because it's also nice to be spontaneous!). I just don't think I know where to go from here... But before anyone responds, please know that I consider each and every parenting skill and how it will affect Ally now AND in the future before acting on it. Advice and new friends are very welcome!