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Diet, Meds, Beds, Potty training, and "Give me my way!"

3LittleDragonflies's picture

This blog is long and has several vents in it. We has our first overnight with SDstb3 this weekend. GBM and BM were moving.

Diet:

Saturday, DH was supposed to pick up SD at 8:30. See below on how well THAT worked out. Either way, he was there for BM feeding SD "breakfast". "Breakfast" (I'm using that term loosely) consisted of: A brownie. Chocolate milk. A chocolate cupcake with marshmallows in it and vanilla icing. :jawdrop: No wonder I can never get the kid to eat anything decent! WTF is BM thinking?! 3 out of 4 of SD's grandparents are diabetic, BM is diabetic, and SD's doctor has told them to watch her weight. How the heck do I combat this in my house (Breakfast here consists of a grain, a fruit, and a dairy at least. No chocolate cupcakes and brownies unless it's a special occasion)

Meds:

BM had a complete freak out because SD got a couple hives after having a berry shake a week ago. Eliminated ALL berries from her diet and took her to the doctor. Doctor said it was one of a hundred different things, prescribed a steroid and some benadryl and an epi pen just in case.
Saturday, DH gets there to pick up SD. BM had "accidentally" sent SD's meds in the truck to the new house. She said she had texted GBM and asked her to bring them back with her and to please wait until she got there. GBM got back at 9:30, but hadn't gotten BM's text. BM told DH he couldn't leave with SD without those meds. GBM gave DH $20 for gas money to follow her back to their house. DH finally got back to our house with SD at 11:45.
I am completely 100% sure that BM did that on purpose to get to "spend time with" DH. She likes to do this thing where she pretends that DH is there to see her and that her, SD, and DH are all one big happy family. I told DH he should have gone to the Walmart down the street instead of spending time alone with just BM and SD, and he agreed but didn't think of it at the time. I'm waiting for the email saying he made a move on her while he was there. Happens EVERY time. :?

Beds:

BDstb2 goes to bed at 8 almost every night. Occasionally she's late, but 11 is the very latest she goes to bed and that's if we were out somewhere. It's for my own sanity as much as anything. It gives me 3 hours to get housework done and relax before bed.
DH asked BM what time SDstb3 goes to bed. "Sometime between 10 and 1." :jawdrop: SAY WHAT NOW? DH asked BM when SD had gotten to bed the night before. "Oh, she was up a bit late. She fell asleep at about 2:30ish?" Smdh....

We went to a local fireworks show and got home at 11 on Saturday. BD was out in 5 minutes flat. Didn't even fuss. I brought SD upstairs to her room to go to bed. She started throwing a fit. "Lemme sleep in living room." "No, we sleep in bedrooms. Living rooms are for the day time. It's nighttime. We go to bedrooms to sleep at night time." "What's a bedroom?" :? "A bedroom is where we sleep. You have a pretty pink bedroom at Nana's." "NO! Sleep in living room. Sleep in blue bed! GIVE ME MY WAY!" (more on THAT later)
At this point I called DH upstairs for back up. Took him a few minutes to realize, SD doesn't sleep in her bedroom at GBM's house. She sleeps in the living room with GBM. :? Took us a while, but we convinced her that she could lay down in her bed and then to go to sleep. Woke up 3 hours later to her dragging her mattress into our room. Decided to fight that fight later and helped her set it up near our bed. Any ideas how to get her used to sleeping in her own bed in her own room?

Potty Training:

BDstb2 is a year younger than SDstb3 almost exactly. I have the bad habit of comparing them. I usually scold myself and remind myself that they are two different little girls that happen to share a legal father. This is one thing that has really been bugging me. BD has been potty training for a month. She goes potty on the potty about 2 or 3 times a day (Uses her diaper about 4 ish). She lets me know if she is wet. SD, as I said, is a year older. She's almost out growing diapers (size 6 is tight). She doesn't go on the potty. I tried having her go potty at the same time as BD once and she sat on the toilet like she didn't know what to do. DH asked BM how often SD goes potty on the potty and she said she doesn't. Most 3 year olds I know are almost done potty training. I kept asking SD all weekend "Do you have to go to the bathroom?" and every time she told me no. Her diapers were soaked every time I checked her.
Can you potty train a child you only have 6 days a month?

"Give me my way":

Oh. My. Lord. If I hear that phrase one more time I'm tanning some hide. It started Saturday at dinner. SD asked for pizza. I didn't feel like cooking so I said that pizza sounded like a good idea. After dinner, SD asked for ice cream. We didn't have any ice cream in the house, so I told her no. She stomped her foot and demanded I give her ice cream. Again, I told her no, and told her not to stomp her foot, that it wasn't nice. She started stomping her feet and saying "GIVE ME MY WAY" over and over. Nope. Put her in time out and told her that she wasn't allowed to stomp feet or talk to adults like that here.
An hour later, we were getting ready to go to the fireworks. We'd made sure both girls got late naps so they wouldn't be as tired. DH ran up to our bedroom to grab a couple blankets to sit on. SD tried to follow him. I told her no because I didn't want DH not seeing her on the stairs and knocking her down. She pushed me and said "Give me my way!" again. Same reaction as the first time, picked her up and put her in time out. This time she started howling as I was explaining that we don't shove or demand our way in this house. DH came running down and asked what had happened. I explained. He agreed with me and told SD that if she didn't stop howling that they would stay home and I would go to the fireworks with BD. She stopped howling and we had a great time at the fireworks.
Then, at bed time, she was demanding to sleep in the living room and again told me to give her her way.
Then, at breakfast, she demanded a hot dog. DH gave in because he needed her to eat to take her meds. At lunch she demanded another hot dog. DH told her no, she had one for breakfast. Offered her an alternative (Chicken "dinosaurs" and peaches). By this point, I was starting to twitch at hearing the phrase. She started howling it again. I made her a plate and put it on the table. Told her that she could eat it or not, it was her choice. She took a bite and said she wanted chocolate. I told her she could have a few M&Ms as a treat if she ate all her lunch. Again, dissolved into howls that she get her way right now. I told her that she couldn't have any M&Ms if she kept crying. She threw her lunch at me. Okay kid, be hungry.
We laid her down for a nap after lunch (same as we do BD) and she started howling to go home. We told her she could go home as soon as her nap was over. Nope, she wanted to go home right now. Give her her way. :sick: I told DH I couldn't take anymore of the nonsense and went downstairs. She ended up taking a nap until it was time for her to go home. I spent all of Sunday night recovering and all of Monday cleaning my house. I thought BD was going to lose her mind, she's a neat freak when it comes to toys. SD had strewn them across our house. BD has been going around "cleaning" her toys today with a wet wipe. I'm not sure whether to laugh or worry about her Blum 3

How would you handle this behavior? Is it typical of a 3 year old?

Comments

hammie's picture

Keep it up. Over time she will learn. It is somewhat typical, 3 year olds are selfish and demanding but it is up to the parents to retrain them.

oneoffour's picture

I agree totally with Echo.

Stop giving in to her. Put her in her room and let her scream herself stupid. If the neighbours complain or call the cops point out you are dealing with a 3 yr old who is allowed to call the shots at her mothers place and has no boundaries or rules.

Do not let her sleep in your room or the living room. Just tell her this is for her own good. "I want my way!" "No. Girls who scream and make a fuss do NOT get their own way." Never add "at our house." . Just "Girls who make a fuss do NOT get their own way."

3LittleDragonflies's picture

Good point. I was trying to make the point of our house isn't BM's but I like your response better.
Sleeping in our room isn't happening again (I hope). I just didn't fight it because it was 3:21 in the morning and I was drained. Only children allowed to sleep in our room normally are our infants (BDstb2 when she was younger, NB when she is born).

3LittleDragonflies's picture

Thank you for your reply (I doubted anyone would read this, let alone reply, it was so long) Blum 3

I agree all your points, but with point number 4 most of all.
On point 5, I agree I was wrong to not be tougher on her. I wouldn't have put up with that behavior from BD in a million years. DH and I were just talking about it and he said we were being nice because a part of us thinks of her as "not ours" and also because we are used to BD, who is a very quiet, neat, sweet tempered child who's idea of misbehaving is getting into the dresser and pulling *A* shirt out. As he put it "It was like going from taking care of a well-trained Golden Retriever to a fight-trained Pitbull and wanting the Pitbull to like you!"

ltman's picture

Amen!

Lalena75's picture

Keep it up, rinse, repeat. Your DH needs to be all over that behavior. Give into nothing not one thing till she gets that nothing will get her what she demands. DH needs to tell her pos BM how lovely it was she slept on her own bed (she did technically)and how she ate healthy food (again she did) and all the other "good" parenting successes HE has. Leave out the rest maybe like our BM she'll step up so as not to be out done by actual parenting.

3LittleDragonflies's picture

ROFL once he got her to sleep DH called BM and told her: 1) SD had loved the fireworks (BM had said she would hate them) 2) She was in bed on her own in her own room and sleeping peacefully. BM was maaaad.... She had apparently told DH to have SD sleep on our couch and for DH to sleep in the room with her. :jawdrop: Yeah, sorry Crazylady, you don't get to make sleeping arrangements in my house.

HungryEyes's picture

Our BM tried to pull this bull$#it at house. It worked for a week and I hated it. Then, SO and I said 'F it- we were living the way WE wanted to'. And the girls do just fine in their room.

snowdrop's picture

what an awful mother BM sounds like.... urgh!!!! sorry you're going through this... is there any way for your DH to get more time with the kids? They need better parenting than BM is giving them! That's disgusting what she's doing...