SD's blame DH for everything
Its exhausting listening to DH talk to SD 18 and SD 20 on the phone every day. Here's the kind of abuse he gets, but thank goodness he stands up for himself. Not sure why he keeps calling, though.
DH calls SD18:
DH: "Hey, your mom (BM) texted me asking me to check on you. She says you are really stressed out. Are you ok?"
SD: "*Sigh! WHY are you calling me? Your time to call me is not until X o'clock. Why can't you stop bothering me? What do you WANT?! I never get any free time and you are always bothering me!"
DH: "I only call you once a day, unless your mom lets me know you are really upset. Do you need to talk about anything? If so, I'm here for you."
SD: "I am TRYING TO SLEEP. (its 2:30 pm).
DH: "Are you having trouble sleeping at night?"
SD: "No. I just don't want to sleep because I never get any time on my phone anymore, so when I get home from work I just stay up and play on my phone all night."
DH: "OK, well, you are going to have to start managing your time better because you will be away at college next fall and you won't be able to function without sleep. Sleep is very important."
SD: "What ever. I have to go to sleep now. Bye."
**********
DH calls SD20:
DH: "Hi, what's up?"
SD: "I'm making some ramen. Did you know I just realized I was a neglected child, all throughout my childhood? Did you and mom notice or did you even care enough to notice that I was in pain?"
DH: "Oh, I noticed you were in pain, and I spent many days trying to talk with you about it. The thing you have to realize about yourself, is that when you are in pain, you shut down emotionally. Its very hard to get through to you, but I did try."
SD: "Oh, so you are blaming the victim? You are blaming ME?"
DH: "No, that's not what I said. I'm saying that if I had pushed you any harder to talk to me, you would have cut me out of your life entirely, so I had to be careful, but I did try - don't you remember all our talks about why you were so angry and upset all the time?"
SD: Well.....you still neglected me."
DH: "Well, I'm not going to go down this road with you right now. I need to call your sister. Your mom wanted me to check on her."
SD: (Mad about not being the center of attention) "Fine. Bye."
**************
It makes me physically ill to hear them talk to DH like this because he did nothing but try to figure out why they were such assholes to him. We now know it was BM, filling their heads with garbage PAS style. So happy that I don't have to see them more than twice a year anymore.
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DH has to see that this is
DH has to see that this is all just BM manipulation. She is guilting him into pissing off the Skidults. He needs to block BM completely and take the communication with the Skidults to direct between he and them, one at a time. No more letting BM have any initiation access to anything Skid related. His daughters, he needs to own and defend that and keep BM entirely TF out of it.
The conversations with each of the Skidult failed daughters needs to be far more structured with zero tolerance for disrespect and blaming daddy for their shit and also include the facts that bare their asses and BM's ass for the manipulative woe is me crap.
He did call back
He called SD18 back 8 hours later and she was still sleeping. He called her out on being rude and "treating him like garbage" and made sure she understood BM wanted him to call and check on her. She apologized. He used to let that stuff go, so I was proud that he made her own up to her bad attitude.
BM can't handle her little monsters, though all 3 are now back living at her house. (Bwahahah!) so I'm amused that she has to call DH for help. Other than that, its just gross to hear how these girls treat their dad, but that's to be expected. He is aware this is a direct result of his lack of ability to stand up to it when they were younger. He owns it.
UGH GRRRR
Its painful to watch and be there while they have their meltdowns later over it.
And then we get blamed somehow of course.
Sounds like my step kids.
Sounds like my step kids. Always the victim even after a simple "hey how was your day" or any sort of ask about how things went in a situation. Like Uggggghhjj why did you ask you know I'm stressed how dare you!
Yes! Why do they always sound exhausted?
Yes, exactly., Why do SK's always sound cranky and tired, even though they do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Is it that tiring to blame your problems on everyone else?
DH loves the craziness
He just must try to fix something nobody wants fixing. Beside him. He must stop this nonsense with BM. The kids are adults, they don't need BM's texts. He must block BM texts You are the queen. Him taking text from BM for adult SK IS disrespectful to you.
'Being disrecpted is why you are upset
I am the queen
I am the queen. Trust me. DH and I have come a long way on this. He refuses to talk to BM on the phone. Texts are for emergencies only and texts are saved for the attorney, if needed. BM is not allowed in our home. BM does not have access to my number, or my social media.
The SD's have mental illness that is undiagnosed/misdiagnosed, but she refuses help. DH is the best at talking the kids off a ledge - so he gets a text every 6 months when BM thinks SD's are suicidal. I agree that BM should have them committed for evaluation. This has been done for SD20, but amounted to nothing as SD lied to the therapist.
So, here we are trying to keep them alive but out of our home. So far so good.