The boys have been gone for one week. It is just me, the two dogs and the two cats at home. Even DH is gone. I have been trying to enjoy it all and not wallow in self-pity but somewhere I lost my identity with my family and can't seem to get out of this depression.
The boys haven't called. I called them to make sure all was well on their trip. I know they are boys but I am JUST A STEPMOTHER. Why in the hell would they call ME? And I am sure BM isn't helping.
It is this ripping-out-of-my-heart each summer that breaks me down and makes me want to quit.
I mean ... if I wasn't with DH, I would not feel this annual pain. I wouldn't struggle to deal with the feeling of "disloyalty" from the kids to their manipulative and vicious BM. I wouldn't feel like some interloper was constantly intruding on MY life.
All of these are selfish, childish thoughts. I married him and should have known better.
However, SHOULD haves are not exactly something you invest in. BP SHOULD have taken safety precautions but they didn't - now their shares are plummeting. XM and SIRIUS SHOULD have remained independent -but they merged and now have the Monopoly on XM radio which is in violation of anti-trust laws, another stock that is going to plummet.
I SHOULD have known about being a Stepmom ahead of getting married but I Steptalk wasn't around then for the warning.
Why am I putting up with this?