Performing for gma SICKENING
Me, my hubby and my SD8 all had to move into SD's gma's house. She is actually my SD's birth mom's mother but BM doesn't have doesn't have contact with her mom, so gma helps us out financially sometimes. She is nuts. Spoils her, no rules, anything goes. Gma thinks and actually says that the world revolves around SD, everything is about SD, SD comes 1st, no rules for SD, yada yada yada you get it. We homeschool so all day gma is up my ass being perfectly SILENT bc SD comes first and don't dare make noise. She asked permission to use her own fan bc the noise might bug SD.
SD "performs" for gma bc of this dynamic, watch me, preening in front of the mirrors, the whole 9. I think it's really gross to watch and it irritates TF out of me. Now that we're living under 1 roof SD seems to think I will participate in the show too. If I get up to make a coffee SD will jump up and follow me hey aren't you gonna watch me play my game? Hey aren't you gonna watch me do my math? Hey why aren't you sitting in the bathroom and watching me wash my body? Gma will give me snitty comments or remarks if I DON'T. I usually don't or I so what I can stand but it's getting mentally exhausting to. e expected to perform for an 8yr old all the time. I spend all day with her but she's acting totally different then she does at home and I'm disgusted honestly and I've told my husband as much. I had no idea SD acted like a total baby here at gmas and it's rewarded.
I'm home all day homeschooling and before this SD and I had a good relationship. I'm kind of a loner and I NEED my alone time to not get migraines and this is really starting to make me sick.
I'm barely speaking to my pussy of a husband bc I told him b4 we came this would happen and he needs to set them straight bc it's his damn family and his mess. When we move out I honestly don't think this is a good environment for SD and I want time severely limited. SD told us recently that we don't love her bc we don't "charge it" and get her whatever she wants like gma does and when gma came to get her a few weeks ago she put on a movie and told me gma can just wait in the car for 2 hours while shes watching it bc gma does whatever she says. If she doesn't like dinner she'll tell gma to buy other food. I'm sick of the permissive BS.
I just need advice on how to deal with SD performing all the time and expecting me to entertain her 24/7. What do I say when she looks at me in shock for daring to get up when I need a coffee and why I don't want to play UNO at 7:30 am before I'm dressed or had coffee. Gma will actually hurt herself to please my SD. I'm starting to feel guilty for sitting down like I'm back at my narcissist mothers house and yes gma is a HUGE covert narcissist. SD was done with the rules at home and very good but at gmas she's a totally different child and I don't like her at all and my husband is a totally different person to please gma its SICKENING and yes I've told him he sickens me for being so f###ing fake.
Sorry so long thanks for reading.
She was good with the rules
She was good with the rules before not done sorry typo
Then stop "performing for her
Then stop "performing" for her. You want a coffee, you make yourself a coffee. If gma says anything tell her that the kid needs to spend time alone to work out how to deal with her lessons by herself (important part of development), that she needs to learn to entertain herself (ditto), that NOBODY should be watching an 8 yo bathe (she needs to learn about privacy), etc. Also remember that you don't actually owe gma any explanation at all. Live your life as you see fit and let gma work it out.
Why are you stuck living with gma, anyway? How long is it for?
Until we find a place. We
Until we find a place. We thought we were just resigning our lease but the apts told us they wanted us out by end of lease bc we were late on rent a few times last year bc of covid he makes less then half of what he used to. So we're here until we find a place.
Good reminder I really have to work on my ppl pleasing its killing me.
Why is he making less than
Why is he making less than half of what he used to? Wages are UP right now as employers are having a difficult time hiring (and retaining).
Is he working more than one job (he should be at least until you have a deposit and a few months expenses saved).
Also, why are you not working? First, you should never put yourself in a position that you can not support yourself. Second, he clearly can not support you right now. He needs help.
My advice?
My advice?
You get a job, SD goes to school, you and your DH get a place of your own to live.
Grandma may not be the best influence with her doting attitude towards her grandchild, but it wouldn't be as difficult to deal with if you were not living that 24/7. So, I think you guys need to change what you are doing and that will start with standing on your own two feet financially.
Sounds familiar
I'm a lot older than you, I'm 77, but this reminds me so much of 2 of my GDs. One is my bio GD, the other my step GD. From birth, both have been " look at me" types. It is so tiresome! We also had the grandma on the other side who fawned over everything GD did.
These girls are adults now but theyre still like this. "I just got hired with a pay raise!", " I just finished my Master's!" The other 7 GKs don't do this at all. I've realized that some people are just attention gluttons.
I feel for you, I'm an introvert who needs my time and space, too, and can only take so much of someone in my face. About all you can do is count the days til you get back in your own place and back to your routine. Good luck.
I admit I don't know the
I admit I don't know the backstory. Why is it wrong to brag about finishing masters degree or getting a pay raise. These are big accomplishments. If they bragged about them getting new shoes, I'd say it's dumb. This not so much. Is there more to the story?
Poor examples
I agree those are big accomishments, they were just the latest. The other latest examples were " Look at my dog!", "Watch my baby do this!" etc. There's always been such a contrast with the other GKs who are all more laid back. These 2 have always been exhausting.
Who is home schooling this child?
And why? The entire dynamic sounds crazy. Send her to school. You should be too busy with your own life to have time for this nonsense.
It all
sounds crazy and crazy-making.
Since you can't change Grandma, you need to change yourself.
Your first post was about this woman and how she spoiled your SD and it is clear that she hasn't changed and won't be changing. You were advised then not to marry your SO. He must be ok with this dynamic, or he would have changed it in the last two years.
Go back to work. SD can either go to school, or Grandma can homeschool her. Hopefully, when you start working, you and DH can afford to get your own place where Grandma's influence won't be as strong.
Wowza
Just glanced quickly at some of your older blogs.
Why are you living with GMA. She aint a friend of your marriage or you.
I hope you move out soon.
As for SD good gawd GMA is turning this girl into a self centred creature. Nothing good comes from living with GMA. That being said you are under GMA's roof so what can you do?
Time for YOU to put your foot up the appropriate asses on this.
NO!
A simple work and concept that solves a lot of problems and questions. I get that you are living in your SO's XMIL's home. However, you are the active parent and home schoolng "teacher". It is time to put Gma and your SO's failed family breeding experiement in their place and keep them there. This kid is 8yo not 8mos old.
As for your ball-less SO, you chose the "pussy".. Either force him to man up, or.... find a partner with demonstrable testicular fortitude.
Send this child to school and
Send this child to school and get a job. With two incomes you can rent a small apartment. Don't need to be fancy. I'd not be living with BM's mother. I'd rather go live by myself and let DH and SD stay with whoever they want. This is ridiculous arrangement
also as annoying as it is you live in grandmas place so you got to live by her rules. Grandma didn't have to allow you move in. Personally if I was that grandma I'd take SD in and took care of her. She is a child and her grandchild.
Two adults would have to go find the place or go stay in a shelter. If I was so stupid as allowed bunch of adults move in, I'd not allow them sitting home. They'd have to go to work. And SD would go to school like everyone else.
oh I just realized there are more kids involved. More skids and/or more of your own kids. Is everyone now living at ex's mother? This is crazy making.
Why are men, who too broke to
Why are men, who too broke to even rent a dinky apartment and need ex's mother to "help him financially" and provide them with shelter, propose to women and getting married? Why???
It's life rule 101. Get your life together first, then go look for marriage.
He isn't a teen, he already has kids from two women and he still doesn't have his act together, why did he have to go married again? This is ridiculous.
Also.... I would have an
Also.... I would have an extremely difficult time moving in with my husband's exes mother? I do believe I would get a job? Because clearly one income is not enough.