Missing the Milestones
I won’t lie...my life and marriage have been 100 times better since my OSS21 and MSS16 have been PAS’d out by BM. It’s amazing how much different our house feels now. However, with all good things comes a price.
For the most part municipal DH has gone through the phases of grief over losing his older
sons in his life. They are not good people and frankly he does like them, but loves them because he is their father. He doesn’t mope around and talk about them regularly and he seems to be able to let it go and enjoy his life. At least that is until he sees that he is missing their milestones.
He gets sad when he sees MSS is starting to drive and he isn’t there to help. He misses congratulating MSS on his exceptional baseball game or prom. He aches when he hears (after the fact) that OSS is doing amazing at his internship in college and knows he will not be invited when he graduates next year. These are the times he struggles. And because the next two years will come with Many missed milestones, I feel for DH. He didn’t cause or ask for their estrangement.
So it is just sad that the thing which causes our life and marriage so much happiness can also cause so much pain.
How can I make these times of struggle for DH easier to get through?? Any suggestions?
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He was the one who had kids
With a BM who PAS’d there kids. I can understand that he feels bad that he dug his own grave. There nothing anybody can do. Just hope that the kids will see the light when they get older ? But as long BM has any influences on her kids. I don’t think that will happen
I had to read this twice to make sure I understood.
@harry- you think he dug his own grave because his ex wife PAS'd his children? Please explain your thought process on this subject with more details.
Seriously Harry? Do you think
Seriously Harry? Do you think anyone chooses to marry someone who alienates their kids with full knowledge it will happen?
OP, just be there to support him. My SS19 was alienated for 3 years, but he's back now, so there is hope. The relationship is not solid, but at least it's there. My DH didn't struggle with milestones, he struggled more with worry about SS because he clearly wasn't doing very well in life.
Life was less stressful for both of us, too, and with SS's return came more stress - but DH is happy to have him back. So make sure DH doesn't lose hope - most alienated kids do return. He should just keep the lines of communication open and let them know he loves them.
Thank you!
DH and I have talked about the possibility they will come back around. I don’t tell DH but I don’t see it happening for years if at all. BM has made them totall dependant on her. The only hope I see is if they end up marrying a psycho who does the same thing to them. For now I will just be here when he needs to vent about it.
I said the same thing about
I said the same thing about SS19, and BM has also made him totally dependent on her. I thought it wouldn't happen until his late 20's. But he did come back around, and now he's got an older girlfriend who is luring him away from BM, which is a development I would never have expected in a million years.
You never know how things are going to go.
All 3 skids came back. If the
All 3 skids came back. If the ex really has a mental disorder, it's likely they need the other parent at some point. I heard that ol psycho is getting the boot from her husband when the last kid graduates and she's telling everyone that she has to "go live with her parents!" No sympathy for that hag. The karma train is about to run her over.
And no, no one can predict what will happen. I just saw the most faithful, kindest, Christian man leave his wife of over 30 years with whom they had six children. They seemed perfect, but he cheated and they divorced. I am sure she thought their marriage was "til death do us part."
You have to admit
We've all ignored red flags. Chef completely ignored the juvenile Behavior by the Girippo
I'm not just talking silliness I'm talking drunken sorority parties being locked repeatedly out of her vehicle taking no responsibility for herself. Pranks including stealing road signs that would have caused an accident had not been caught in time.
Even chefs mother warned him when she was still alive that the Girhippo was awfully young meaning young mentally for him.
SO doesn't say anything about
SO doesn't say anything about milestones and overall handles the alienation pretty well now too but I'm sure it must bother him. Although we were excluded from a alot of them already even when she was still coming over. Honestly it makes me sad too that we'll miss so much. I know prom is in a few weeks, SD is old enough to drive when she's ready, and I doubt we'll see high school graduation.
I feel like SD will be back in her early 20s most likely. I think BM will kick her out and she'll try living with us. I don't think either of our relationships with her will ever be the same though.
I agree with others, support your SO when you can emotionally. Don't try to but their love it's only a temporary fix to get their attention/affection. I feel like milestones are exciting but honestly I have plenty of other memories with my parents that stand out more than the typical teen milestones.